Total__Shenanigans's Xanga

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 13:28:47 GMT

6 months since I've been on this....very sad...though I can definetely say I've been quite busy!! When I think of it, I have no clue how I ever got through all those single years of mine....so DULL compared to this! I'm pathetic, I KNOW IT. (And all that teenage drama-- Ick! I do not miss it)

Marraige is wonderful my friends, WONDERFUL! But being married to the most incredible man alive--my best friend/soul mate/amour vrai/knight in shining armour-- it has and always will have no equal! Being one spiritually, mentally, grammatically, metaphysically.... hehehe....sorry, I couldn't resist.. ..."Ahhhh, life is good and I have Jesus to thank for that!!!!"

And to think! About 3 years ago, I thought I was in love with someone.

HAHA!...(sorry)

This person was a "christian"...mad about me *rolls eyes in self mockery*...everything I wanted and thought I needed. Now, I clearly see I never knew what being loved was..if that is what I thought love to be. Something shallow and cheap, founded on emotion and words. A person can say they are something, heck, they can say anything!! But it is what we do that defines us. Jesus Christ has to be the center foundation of all we do, all we are.... and we can't be unequally yoked. I'll even go as far as to say that even with fellow christians, you have to be careful. If you have peace in your heart, your parents have peace and everything just ...comes together in the right time! That is God. He works like that. You won't have to fight and fight and fight to make things happen....He wants to bless us. Anyways, it was a horrible experience. One I would not wish on anyone. But then God brought William into my life. Gentle, unassuming William who won his way right into the heart of my heart.

I LOVE HIM!

William, thank you for being SOOO wonderful!!!!!!!! MUAH!!

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So, today.. I've been getting myself ready for the upcoming Torpedo Factory art jury. Oh my gosh, its in 4 days, peoples! I'm a--little nervous. If I get in (pretty narrow chance) means I may get studio space there! WHoo hoo! Very siked about that!

http://www.torpedofactory.org/jury/index.htm

A little while ago, Kelly Sauer helped get me started with my new webpage! I knew nadda about web stuff so I've been pourin all over HTML books and the like ....Me poor eyes!! <---That's what I look like at the end of the day. LOL.

www.LeDessinStudio.blogspot.com

Let's see...what else?? Oh yeah, Will and I just finished reading Quo Vadis together! Its an A+ + + + + book--a must read! Though Jordan things other wise...pshaw!

Love you all! I'll post again soon~

être

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 16:30:37 GMT

Psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.Therefore, we shall not fear, though the earth give way and mountains fall into the heart of the sea.

Though the waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river, who’s stream’s make glad, the city of God, the holy place where the most high dwells.

God is within her.

She will not fall.

God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar.

Kingdoms fall.

He lifts His voice; the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us.

The God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow. He shatters the spears. He burns the shields with fire.

Be still and know that I am God.

I will be exalted in the nations.

I will be exalted in the earth.

The Lord almighty is with us.

The God of Jacob is our fortress.

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God is, just-- is! For me, thats a comforting thought. That though each and every darn moment we fill up, SOMETHING can and is and always will-- be. And what He ''is'' is perfect. And that perfect "is"happens to have eyes only for ..us. I memorized this back in 3nd grade, when I attended p****c school (filtered for my buddies at HSLDA..jk). And it just got my attention how unlike alot of Psalms this one is. This one seems to just sream out, I am, I am, I am. Shush your mouth, stop tryng to be smart an listen!...

Randomosity

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 16:12:42 GMT

How often we fail to notice time running silently past us with a strong wind beneath its wings-carrying away our moments, the bad and the good, hours, days, weeks, seasons. This never ending cycle, bringing us ever closer to the day we will stand with our Father in heaven.

I'm feeling a little of that right now! In a bit of a whirl wind.. *bites lip, blink blink* Today is exactly 7 weeks since the day Will and I promised ourselves, our lives to each other and just 5 weeks and 4 days until that promise is made a vow before God. We even have our registries all done! That was so funny to see Will do! He had a blast.

http://www.pier1.com/registry/shopregistry.aspx?id=7702335

I'm...ecstatic, thrilled, elated, in seventh heaven-- 3rd floor!! Is there a third floor in heaven? Wait, are there really 7 heavens?? I never knew that… Huh, weird…

SO, Will, me leetle smoochie and I are nutsy- utterly nutsy. Ok, I know this may sound weird but he had this fabulous French cologne called Hyssop by L'Occitane Paris. Now that he's out, they decide to stop making it. Smart, I KNOW.

*thinks think*

*eyes twinkle*

*evil evil evil!*

The first thought that crossed my mind was, "Hmmm, what I hate most in life is a nag… *grin* So I'm sure---they will too." Key word, will. ;)

I'm writing the company everyday, whining, whining, whining. It's a load of fun! It relieves stress, gives you someone to talk to who won’t mess up and say the wrong thing. Heck—they won’t say a thing at all!! IT’S GREAT!!

See this link if you're lame—er, love fun! Yeah, fuuuun ;)

http://usa.loccitane.com/services/customer/contact.asp?=

So friends, today’s the day!! Join with me in this very special… crusade thing.

Please copy and paste in the following complaint letter:

Dear who ever is reading this electronic mail letter,

After much consideration, our board of brilliance has nominated you from your staff to represent the silly English knigget that we know you are. You are not French at all. No, no you’re not! Stop lying to your self and to that silly country who’s name originated from mustard! *gasp* In my opinion, that’s a little too much. I mean, get a tee-shirt if you like a product or try ketchup! But honestly… one should have limits. And speaking of limits, I have limited memory space, as I recall. Do I? Do I ..what? Do I recall! Oh, I think I do, or did. Um, anyways, if I do, then I wont remember that I had an important point to make with this whole email. If I don’t, then …*scratches head* oh look, blue car!

Very displeased with your service though I don’t remember why,

Thanks guys! This will make a difference!

Toujours

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 14:45:17 GMT

Thank you Lord.

Never knew I could feel like this..
Like I've never seen the sky before.
Want to vanish inside your kiss.
Every day I'm loving you more than this
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything!
Seasons may change winter to spring..
But I love you... until the end of time.

Come what may..

Come what may..
I will love you... until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you... until the end of time.

Comme un papillon coloré, il a des ailes de lui doit posséder

Tue, 09 May 2006 12:24:26 GMT

My friend gave me a CD a while back that I hadn't listened to all the way through until today. I'm so glad I did though! This song-- wow, this song is beautiful.

___________________________________________________

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old Mr. Webster could never define
What's being said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all...

Monday, March 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 16:31:48 GMT

I was just listening to my very new and very cool audio CD book (Mere Christianity) when he started on that rather touchy subject- looove an marriage. I read this book about a year ago. But as I'm going back and 'rereading' it, Im rediscovering what an incredible book this is. You'd like it :)

Mere Christianity

What we call “being in love” is a glorious state, and in several ways good for us. It helps to make us generous and courageous. It opens our eyes not only to the beauty of the beloved, but to all beauty. And it subordinates, especially at first, our merely animal sexuality. In that sense, love is the great conqueror of lust. No one in his senses would deny that being in love is far better than either common sensuality or self-centeredness. But, as I said before, the most dangerous thing you can do is to take any one impulse of our own nature and set it up as the thing you ought to follow at all costs. Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are many things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity or even to last at all. Knowledge can last. Principles can last. Habits can last. But feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called “being in love” usually does not last. If the old fairytale ending “they lived happily ever after” is taken to mean, “They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married” then it says what probably never was nor ever could be true. And would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But of course, ceasing to be in love need not mean ceasing to love. Love, in this second sense, love as distinct from being in love is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit, reinforced by, in Christian marriages, the grace, which both parents asked and received from God. They can have this love for each other, even in those moments when they do not like each other. As you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love, even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be in love with someone else. Being in love first moved them to promise fidelity. This quieter love enables them to keep this promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run. Being in love was the explosion that started it.

- C. S. Lewis

"Perpetuating the Fetish"

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 14:16:48 GMT

A Shocking Discovery Wrecks Japan's Cultural World!!

William A. Estrada went missing January 2006 after the new hollywood release, The Memoirs of a Geisha.

But William Estrada....soon after .............was...........found................*dies*

(See below for explanation)

A stronger prescription and Psych evaluation treatment is needed...

As well as prayers across America...

Thank you.

In Office Psych Treatment

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 11:14:45 GMT

So here I am....after my startling discovery!!!

*read on*

Indecisive Behavior

Day One

LawTrooperForHim is away at 2:45:42 PM.

LawTrooperForHim returned at 2:51:48 PM.

LawTrooperForHim is away at 2:57:48 PM.

LawTrooperForHim returned at 3:01:17 PM.

LawTrooperForHim is away at 3:05:06 PM.

LawTrooperForHim returned at 3:14:14 PM.

LawTrooperForHim is away at 3:38:01 PM.

LawTrooperForHim returned at 3:44:21 PM.

Day Two

LawTrooperForHim returned at 2:40:33 PM.

LawTrooperForHim is away at 2:45:42 PM.

LawTrooperForHim returned at 2:51:48 PM.

LawTrooperForHim is away at 2:57:48 PM.

LawTrooperForHim returned at 3:32:17 PM.

LawTrooperForHim is away at 3:33:06 PM.

LawTrooperForHim returned at 3:33:14 PM.

LawTrooperForHim is away at 3:34:01 PM.

LawTrooperForHim returned at 3:35:21 PM.

LawTrooperForHim is away at 3:37:30 PM.

LawTrooperForHim returned at 3:38:44 PM.

LawTrooperForHim is away at 3:39:51 PM.

LawTrooperForHim returned at 3:41:44 PM.

LawTrooperForHim is away at 3:41:51 PM.

Our hypothesis: ailment is progressing rapidly.

A continued observation is needed.

I will keep you posted with any further developments...;)

It's Amoure!!!

Wed, 11 Jan 2006 00:46:48 GMT

"Trophy Frog"

So one of my good friends is in love. What can I tell him as far as advice goes? She is apparently still living in a convent. They don't agree theologically. Sigh. But he loves her eyes! Ok, ok..so there's this little teeny problem of her upbringing..she's a frog, you see. But a special, young,...lady...:)

Samantha's Wedding photos by Rachel Randall.

And she's talented too ;) The two of them may have short kids...but at least they'll have nice legs!

Here she is..pouring out the music of her soul...as love songs trickle from her finger-webbed hands..her heart thinks of another.."This kiss, this kiss.."

Amertume douce

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 23:05:14 GMT

I wrote this two years back when my world was or seemed to be falling apart. I became so restless. I wanted so to understand reason, the 'why' my sister became sick. The 'how' we were ever to cope. The perfect 'were,' as it once was with us... in our comfortable and safe haven. It's the strangest feeling when you finally come to grasp with the understanding that you cannot change or predict what happens.. But there's so much peace in knowing that our God has us in the palms of His hands. And His love heals.

"A debtor to mercy alone,

of covenant mercy I sing;
Nor fear, with Thy righteousness on,

my person and off’ring to bring.
The terrors of law and of God

with me can have nothing to do;
My Savior’s obedience and blood

hide all my transgressions from view.

The work which His goodness began,

the arm of His strength will complete;
His promise is Yea and Amen,

and never was forfeited yet.
Things future, nor things that are now,

nor all things below or above,
Can make Him His purpose forgo,

or sever my soul from His love.

My name from the palms of His hands

eternity will not erase;
Impressed on His heart it remains,

in marks of indelible grace.
Yes, I to the end shall endure,

as sure as the earnest is giv’n;
More happy, but not more secure,

the glorified spirits in Heav’n."

___________________________________________________

I have to warn you...it's rather strange! Reading the Picture of Dorian Gray inspired me. Ok now, with that said--go for it! hee hee;)

THE TRESPASSER

As the sun made its way to the horizon, I made my way across the foyer to the front door. I glanced about me. It seemed that autumn had abandoned us at last and here was winters subtle flirtations. Natures beautiful colors were now dull and gray -- this depressed me. Something seemed to tell me that my life was on the verge of a dire extremity. I took little notice, however, and made my way out the door. I took the usual course down the same familiar street I wandered nearly every day. My glum face pulled a smile in reply to the perfect and pleasant ones I received. The givers of these were two young women, fine-looking and exquisite. I watched them now and again glancing in at the appealing decorative window displays. They giggled gleefully to each other. I despised them their peace of minds not their apparent wealth, which I had, but the appearance of happiness they had. It was in each step, light and steadfast. How carefree they were. I smirked to myself, half in pride of my own individualism, but also in some fascination at a secret pleasure I hid deep within the shadows of myself. I looked into a shop window and, seeing my own reflection, lifted my head high with indignation and self-satisfaction.

Evening was upon us. Noiselessly and with silent feet the shadows crept over the streets, over my world. It was there across the way, a man stood. It was he I had grown to admire considerably and his innocence, which appeared to be embedded in the folds of his youth. His name I knew not. I simply watched him wistfully. I was there as he made his way each morning. Of late, something had changed in his pattern. How the mornings grew empty without him. So dusk was here and so was I, in hopes that I might have him once more in my gaze. He had become my life’s centerpiece.

I stopped in my tracks. Winters nipping blush passed from my face, leaving it loose and pallid. What was it, a mere illusion? Or was it absences trick on the mind? For his debonair manner, charming boyish smile and the infinite grace that once touched his every movement had altered. There seemed to be faint whispers about me, all around me. He approached and for the first time looked directly into my eyes. They were the very windows to my soul. There was, present, something strange and alarming in his nature. His mouth twisted into a foul grimace, showing teeth browning from decay. In the fading light I saw clearly, I saw cruelty. My blood stiffened within me. I backed into a shelter of ever-increasing shadows, growing cold with horror at the mere thought of him.

I saw different things, a great many things from my hiding place. An unmistakably elegant woman passed slowly by. I noted her expression, contented and at ease. She wore a simple frock, which complemented her bright eyes. She spoke loudly, which alarmed me considerably, though to whom she spoke? I looked about and saw no one. I grew all the more agitated as I continued peering at her from my place of safety. Her voice was heavy, almost hoarse, most likely from over use or from screaming. I grew weak kneed at the realization of this extraordinary mystery. Her mouth remained immobile, while I scavenged through my mind for an answer. How had I heard her? I stood confused and shocked. I heard from her things, vile and wicked things she did within the darkness of the world. I leaped out from where I stood, partly from shame in hearing this unabashed confession, but mostly, in fear of hearing more. I tried to silence her, oh how I tried! She froze. The wind seemed to wash the brilliant color from her hair. It whipped it about in mad chaos. I paused. There was something about the moment to come I was dreading. As she turned towards me, a hideous sneer broke forth from her delicate mouth, cracking the beauty from her unique face. She bore the marks of one who had spent the best years of her life in self-contempt and a perverse living. She intruded upon my space. And hovering over my ear she told me things about myself, dark things unknown to all, for I hid them in the depths of my past. It was but a whisper. No sooner had the words left her lips did the silence break them apart and carry them away. I didn’t understand. I was stunned, disoriented. I longed to thrust her away, even silence her forever if I dared to touch the vile being at all. I ignored her prying glances and smirks. My hands secured the scarf about my neck in the same frantic motion as my feet, dodging people in the streets.

Utter darkness brought in different evils, uncanny sights, and things I refuse to repeat –even to myself. My feet took on a purpose of it's own. I ran blindly. The once familiar surroundings, I knew no more. My mind was in search of something, some subconscious answer to the riddle that plagued me. It would do what it must, go where it must to regain freedom and reclaim the peace it had mislaid.

The narrow street was dank and the smell of must intensified the further I ventured down the darkening way. A foul odor of uncleansed bodies clung to and troubled my brain. I winced, quickening my pace. The piercing glances and meager eyes I had dismissed from thought became real and intrusive. I kept my eyes upon the path before me, least I should see their faces, foul and ugly. A moment after I turned the corner, I was approached by a pitiful creature. Its hands –they pawed at me, soiling my fine clothing. I scoffed at its tarnished appearance. Each breath it breathed seem to steal life from within me. I hated it –its lowly existence. It was in my face now, this unrecognizable figure. Then it happened, its eyes looked into mine. Yes, there it was, I noticed some marked likeness to myself. I cried out in frustration. I was eager to close my eyes to this once more. A horrid sickness came over me. I felt feverish as my heart pounded itself to death in some empty hollow within. I grew heated with anger. Fighting it out of my way I fled down an abandoned side ally. Fast upon my heels followed the mocking laughter of those restless souls I had left behind me. But I was relieved, for I left them behind.

My head spun like the tops I played with as a child, on mothers kitchen floor. Just then, I heard a faint click—click, clap off to my right. I moaned, I whimpered, my laughter turned to hot tears. Lastly, I cried for help. Nothing. I passed no one nor did I see another being ever again.

Click—snap, snap, crack!

My body shook uncontrollably. Would you call it fear? Or fatigue? Madness? I don’t know I just shook. I yearned to go back! I screamed in a panic. As I approached the sound of tapping and clapping, it grew steadier, clear and crisp. I ran. Though my body ached, I ran until my energy was spent completely. There was no way out. How could this be? I screamed all sorts of things that surprised even my own ears, resembling a slap across my face. I whimpered like an animal. I was half crawling now. At last, I gave into the will of my feet and followed obediently, again, where it wanted to go.

Soon, before my eyes were ruined streets and forgotten houses. They held no resemblance to anything I had ever seen before. Most were half eaten by the abuse of time. Something directly ahead caught me off guard. A light from a street lamp flickered in the dull eyes of a lone soul. There it stood, leaning and swaying against the stillness of the air. Indifferent, filthy –hideous! Its contorted face from years of contempt and self-deception, disillusionment, stared back at me. It was then that the heavy odor troubled me no longer.

Curiosity knocked on my door and I answered. I looked deep into its eyes. I saw in it a once light heart filled with a wonderful joyousness. And then, like strong roots well fed, I saw a youthful decay overly nurtured, a passionate absorption in mere existence. I saw sin, a thing that writes itself across a Mans face and cannot be concealed from anyone. I saw sorrow and despair of one who had itself lost what in others it had most dearly valued –innocence, honesty, truth, and moral pride. It had grown more and more oblivious of its own ruin and still more uninterested in the corruption of its own soul.

My mouth was dry from laughing. Suddenly, I stopped. Defensive hatred surged beneath the empty husk of my heart. It offended me with each breath it took, erect with pride, festered and scowling. It taunted me in my distress. Gravely and with purpose I staggered towards it. It mimicked my every step. We stood but a moment apart. If I were to be doomed to roam in maddening desolation, it would be done alone. I could restrain myself no longer. I gave into the massive stone, which had been enticing me the moment I first noticed it. I took it in my hands and, all at once, felt a power and security I never knew I could feel. I beat the creature repeatedly, again and again, over and over.

Then the unexpected happened. While I enjoyed moments of intense pleasure, things took a turn to dissatisfaction. As its mouth released the playful grin it had been suppressing, I endured the most painful moments of my life. I grew violently chilled. There I stood, with my body seeped in my own blood. I beat it again but it laughed strong and loud. Shaking uncontrollably I dropped to my knees. I held my wounds but failed to stop the blood flow.

A gentle sigh and sob of the wind came down upon me from the dark horizon, lifting from my eyes the gauzy haze of incomprehension. I found myself doing what I most dreaded; I put my hand out to meet my fear. A cold rush swept in and out of my being, leaving it thickly stagnant as though it were life itself being carried away. Crying tears of hopelessness, I shook my head in a forced disbelief. For it was but a mere reflection of myself on an old marble wall. Then remembering, as though from a faded dream… I understood.

I looked up to meet my master, my soul –the trespasser.

6-04