Today is over and I'm pretty glad about that... but I'm dreading tomorrow a bit. It's funny, I've been looking forward to this gallbladder surgery for weeks and now that it's almost here I'm not sure how I feel. I'm not panicked yet or anything but I can feel my nervousness starting. By tomorrow I'll be freaked out. I've never had an operation and *shivers* the thought is starting to make me a bit uneasy.

In another bit of news, my aunt passed away on Sunday night. She was actually doing pretty bad. She had lung cancer and demensia and supposedly she was developing a brain tumor. I'm not exactly saddened she's gone (though I did cry) given all she's been going through... but it made today a hard day. I basically got up, picked up a few things and went to the wake. We were there for about 7 hours with my family that I have mixed feelings about.

They really piss me off sometimes and it was hard to be there on top of dealing with my aunt's death. It's like, my mother and I are estranged from them even though we're family and we live so close. They never tell us anything and we're always left out of knowing things. It's hard to feel close to these people when they're people I barely know.. except for my aunt and uncle. I don't know. It left me with a lot on my mind.

It's funny, the one lesson I can say that I learned over the past few years ffrom my family, and my father is that blood doesn't mean anything. Being related to a person doesn't mean a thing. There are so many people I'm related to who either I don't know, or I never see or I can't stand. Blood means nothing to me. It's all about who's there for you in life. That's what really matters and it's these people that care about us, that watch out for us and that love us who are truely family to me. Titles and flesh pales in comparison to this.

I thought more about this today as I sat there. My mom's friends showed up who I've always called my aunt and uncles and you know what, I felt so much more at ease with these people. I felt so much more love and emotions and affection. They've been there with me through thick and thin and I couldn't stop hugging them. It's funny how things like that work out. But, it was a bit sad.

I ended up finding out my uncle has leukemia.. the one who was married to my aunt who died. No, my family didn't tell me or my mom. I found out from our distant cousins who drove down from Ohio. It's fucking pathetic. I'll probably never see any of them again until my uncle's funeral. He was really not doing well today. They had to numb him with antidepressants and xantac's. I felt so bad... yet still a bit angry.

So, I thought about it today, as I had loads of time to think. And I realized I haven't eaten anything but water and a few cubes of watermelon since Memorial day. Ugh. And I didn't even eat today and my stomach is nauseaus and painful. *sighs* Well, here's to tomorrow I guess. Wish me luck and hopefully after this I'll go back to life as I know it. Until later.

Currently Listening Now Or Never By Nick Carter Who Needs The World see related

Wow, xanga got all sophisticated since the last time I was here. It's got too many buttons. My old person mind can't handle all that. That's how you know you're getting old.

Anyway, Hi. *waves* I hope everyone's been doing ok. My life has... well, it's been. It's had it's ups and downs but I've been pretty alright for the most part. Fairly boring really. BUT, I am alive. Let's see, I had family visits, I visited Suzy down in VA, umm... that's the past two weeks anyway.  Maybe I'll post about seeing Suzy later. That was pretty amusing, but I'm pretty lazy right now.

OHHH !! I met Bill Clinton... but I might have already said that in another post. He feels nice... as an aside. Very soft suits.

Umm... today I got some lilac satin sheets !! I'm all excited about that. Oh, and this stupid lady bug attacked my neck in the Ross and I squealed and threw it off of me before I realized what was really going on. That's some nasty shit. I don't like things on my neck. I'm rethinking judging my friend for killing a ladybug. If that shit would have bothered me again... it would have had a date with jesus. I don't play with fucking bugs.

Hmm... what else. Oh, I'm seeing BSB on August 18th at Wolf Trap !! I ended up getting tickets yesterday like a crazed maniac. I'm pretty excited though. And I'm actually currently stuck on this song from the old Nick Carter album, "Who needs the world". I don't know why... but I love it. At least I have for the past week.

Alright, that's all I've got. I'm so boring today but I'm tired and I'm just trying to waste time until I can leave and go home.

I'm going to post the lyrics to this stupid song so I don't have to search for them again. Later.

Nick Carter Lyrics - Who Needs The World

Yeah, oohh
I stare at your face
Into your eyes
Outside, there's so much passing us by
All of the sounds
All of the sights
Over the earth
And Under the sky
Too much cold
And too much rain
Too much heartache to explain

[Chorus]
Who needs the world when I've got you
Switch off the sun, the stars and the moon
I've all I need inside of this room
Who needs the world when I've got you

Oh, no no

I walk on the street
Talk in the dark
I see people, strangers, falling apart
I open my arms
Try to be true
Seems my only truth is you
Am I wrong or am I right?
All I want is you tonight

[Chorus]

Who needs the stars so bright?
And the grass so green?
And the morning light?
Who needs the wind to blow
And the tide to rise
Who needs it?
I don’t know, I don’t know
Yeah

[Chorus]

P.S:  Fuck stupid Taylor Swift with a rusty ice pick. Fucking sell-out !!  (>_<)

Currently Listening Taylor Swift By Taylor Swift see related

Has it really been that long since I updated ?? Damn. Alright so I'm back in one of my country phases again, thanks to the radio. I'm obsessed with this one song "Teardrops on my guitar". It's really pretty  (and I'm not biased by the fact that I saw a gravi music video for it). I also am really irritated by the new Cascada song WHICH was a RASCAL FLATTS song !! And one of their best ones. Her version just can't compare and it's irritating that I have to hear a horrible techno version of it floating around.
So, Hilary lost yesterday. I'm not very surprised but I did think that the race would be a little closer. I'm slightly disappointed but I'm sure I'll get over it. I do like Obama and all... but god  I want a woman president, and Hillary's who I wanted against Bush when Kerry ran (though that would have been bad timing anyway. She never would have won). I just feel more comfortable I guess knowing where she's coming from, having seen her and Bill's politics before. With her I feel like at least I know her ideas and her plans, with Barack I guess I just feel like I don't know enough about his politics or the hows of how he intends to fix things. And with Bush's administration, there's so much where do you start ??
Foreign policy is probably the biggest issue to me, that and health care. Though, aside from universal health care and who gets tax cuts, I think they're basically the same person. They maybe just knit-pick on the details of implementation a little but I think the needs of the country are somewhat agreed upon. But my MAIN reason is..... I just can't vote for dicks over chicks, man (-_-). The bitter female in me doesn't allow it.
Really I guess it doesn't matter. Either one gets my vote in the general election because I'll be damned if I vote for John McCain... even less of a chance on someone like Huckabee, Mr.Creationism. So, that's politics for you.
I've had an exciting couple of days. Last night I saw big brother. I voted. And this weekend I stalked President Clinton around Maryland and Virginia.
On Sunday, Katie called and wanted to go see him speak so I agreed. We jumped in the car and headed for Silver Spring to hear him talk, but when we got there the place was packed and they weren't letting anymore people in. So we went back home and decided to see where he was going to be on Monday.
I saw GMU, at 9:15 and after Dar talking me into it I decided to call in sick (for like the 3rd time in a week), and we went. Well, I ended up reading the time wrong. He was supposed to be there at 9:15PM not AM, so Katie and I decided to head to his next stop in Fredericksberg. We got to the University of Mary Washington around 10AM and stood in line and at about 12:30 they let us in out of the cold. I couldn't feel my toes after about the first hour.. in boots and fuzzy socks. Clinton came out a few minutes after 1 and talked for about 2 hours then he kind of did a meet and greet.
It was like a big mosh pit in there, and I had to push people out of my way, especially the little 18 year olds who were irritating. Though, I did hold back. We ended up getting close enough to the little railings but he moved so we stayed there and he agreed to do a second round. He came back around and I called him and I moved into this gap and stuck out my hand which he shook. *squeals*
And then I kept asking for a picture, and touching on his suit, which was very soft. He did turn around for a picture but this dude handed the secret service his camera and then jumped in the picture and this other bitch did the same. The one secret service guy wouldn't take Katie's so, I got a picture with him... just not on our camera. I'm gonna start a hardcore internet search trying to find my picture.
Oh, so then he left and went behind the curtain and I started talking to this lady who apparently worked at the dining services there. She was funny as shit. She kept yelling "Mr.President, Hillary wanted me to tell you to sign my shirt." She was really nice though, and we both talked about how we were skipping work to see him. She took off though and Katie and I waited around. Well, most people were gone and I stood there because I knew they took back all this stuff from people to have it signed. I thought that meant he might come back out. He didn't but the guy came out asking who gave this, and who gave that. I saw he had about 10 "Hillary for President" signs, so I yelled I had one of those and he gave one to me. So i got his autograph ^_^ !! Though, not on my boob like I wanted.
Katie told me two women started fighting over the last one, so maybe I took one of theirs, but I had heard this guy who asked where his sign went for about 30 minutes who left, so I'm sure one of them was lying just like I did.
So, now i'm back at work. I think with the ice and the flu, most everyone is out. It's a shame. Kind of boring too, but I have so much work to do that I'm not working on right now. I'm going to have to take it home if I don't work harder.
Anyway, enjoy my update. I'm sure I won't think about it again until later.

I'm updating !! I know... it's ok to gasp and make horrible shocked faces. I really am not in the mood to but I'm forcing myself before bed. I dunno. Currently my rping crap is depressing me. My fake gay cartoon object of affection was kind of picked up so that sucks. Bastard. Umm.. yeah I know. We'll all cry for my problems. It's not a big deal but after the week I've had it doesn't help when people ruin my means of therapy.

I got a new kitty !! She's so cute and adorable. Really sweet too... but she's sick. -_-    Abby and Shadow are not happy about it but they'll get over it.

So, let's see. Work has been work. I'm not gonna lie, I've been really pissed off at my coworkers lately. I'm not going to explain because it makes me sound like the crazy one but basically I've become the third wheel. Plus, Nancy's been pissing me off because I feel like she's been singling me out about being social. I snapped at her today during my retarded writing class. Maybe I'll elaborate later.

We had our Holiday Christmas party tonight, where I acted like a high school kid. I sat with Laura at a table across from Nancy and Kerri. I made sure I looked like I had lots of fun just to make them jealous and it worked. LOL. Good job "Mean Girls" play. I nonchalantly said hi about an hour into the party and they asked me how I was, why i ditched them, etc. I didn't explain that they were talking about a lunch I wasn't invited to today but whatever. The point was I won. Christina 1, Coworkers 0.   Fun party though for being a work thing. I don't think I'd have liked it without Laura though. I drank 2 free glasses of wine, which when added to the tylenol and danish I ate, equalled a tipsy Christina on the metro. Laura almost killed us on the ride over. Yeah, the standing on the orange line until l'effant was fun. I didn't fall though.

I like how I'm too lazy to explain in detail anything going on in my life. Let's just say it's been pretty insane and random.

I saw Rocapella last weekend. I won tickets from Hot 99.5. This was after winning the Christmas Show tickets that I sold. I did see Rocapella though. I almost went Apeshit when they sang "Where in the world is Carmen San Diego??". It was awesome. I think I'm their new groupie.

Hmmm.. well, that's my life in a 5 minute review, with little context at all. But beggars can't be choosers. That's all I feel like for now.

Currently Listening A Modern Way of Living with the Truth By The Exies My Ordinary World see related

I'm in a bad mood today. A little depressed. I dunno. It started out as a good day. I've actually been amazing the past couple of weeks. I visited Suzy, which if I explained would be about 3pages worth of entries to write it all down. Maybe later. I will say, I almost missed my train, was drunk most nights, saw three days grace time #3 and strangled some guy. Those are the highlights so just be happy with that.

I've really been into the whole Exies album lately. I really connected with the song "My Ordinary World" the past few days. It's trumped BSB in the battle for my xanga song. Anyway, my aunt came down for Thanksgiving. It was a nice day I guess. It was a pretty ok weekend in fact. I saw "August Rush" which is a really good movie. We went to the cemetary, which was insanely hard. I have no desire to go. It's probably only the second time since the funeral I've been there. I just freaked out and started sobbing. If my mom wouldn't have grabbed me, I'm positive I would have thrown my body on the grave. It's funny how I make it through the days but then when I have to come face to face with it I lose my mind. It felt like someone ripped my heart from my chest. I felt like the world was over, all over again. Maybe that's my problem today, subconciously.

I had fun with her (my aunt i was previously tlaking about) but I was glad for my family to leave. I just really want space lately. I just need to breathe and brood and cry without people in my face. I would really enjoy drugs too. I've missed that part of my life this past week. I in fact have slipped a little with that, but I've only done it twice which isn't a big deal. I think in fact I've gotten to the point where I've balanced it pretty well. I enjoyed it though because that'll be the last time for awhile. No place else to go.

Our bowling thing at work is today. I'm not really looking forward to it. I'm just tired and not in the mood to be around people. After that we're going to this bar. I'd like to go but I envision a drunken Christina traveling home if I do so I probably won't go. I already hurt myself today in the metro completely sober. FYI, getting your stomach smashed by the card swipping things does not feel good. It will reopen, but only after your stomach gets a bit of a tuck.

So moody today. Even Nancy said "You don't seem like yourself today." Maybe she's right.  

I did have my review today with my boss. She basically said, "You're amazing and we'd be lost without you. You do an amazing job." That was nice to hear, albiet a little embarassing. She showed me a master's program @ College Park where I'd be doing a Survey research methodology degree. Most of the professors there actually work at my job. I'm thinking about it, but it's another GRE requirement which would be coming soon. I don't know if I could do it in such a crunch. Maybe I'll try it after all. I'm not sure which approach I like better. I'll have to sit down and compare and think about it. They are giving me a chance to try to get experience in Gerontology/aging research here though. I found out two women on my floor have Ph.Ds in gerontology and they work on the aging projects. One of them actually donated to my walk, and I've met her. I gotta drop my name and mention I'm available for work in the conversation. Oh,well. I'm gonna go try to improve my mood. This too shall pass I'm sure.