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TrUebLuE84
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Name: Trueblue84
Country: United States
State: New York
Gender: Male
Expertise: Can you Keep A Secret? Hear my silence prayer, Hear my quiet call when it’s dark and blue surround you. Step in my side look in side my eyes you will know that I’ve found you.TrUeBLuE
Occupation: Accounting/Finance
Industry: Real Estate
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/4/2002
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| (#006) Give Me Clarity I've made
tremendous progress these past few days, I feel a bit more energetic and
hopeful. I feel better. I feel alive. The articulation of what I want to make
out of myself in the next five years isn't exactly clear but I'm starting to
get a sense of what's needed to be done.The cloud of confusion is always
lingering above my mind, however it will always be there regardless how hard I
battle and try to discard it. I have to admit that I’m miserable because of an
excessive desire to have a crystal clear photo of myself. I have a feeling
that I’m still somewhat helpless and ignorant of myself and of my own
reflection.
And
ah, I have a low self-clarity. Perhaps this is why I’ve been feeling so
disorganized and unintegrated but luckily the esteem portion is high and at a
place where it should be. My demand and expectation for myself is a bit out of
control. I am asking too much of myself. Maybe I am neurotic, maybe I am on my
path to a road of a serious psychological abnormality, but luckily I am still
functional and productive. Who would have thought that life can be so
confusing? I can’t stand myself with all the constant pondering questions of
career, relationship, friends, family and all of the problematic issues in
between. Sometimes I wonder if I can just hit the break, drop every
responsibility and everyone and just take a holiday. Why can’t I just be clear?
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| (#005) Eudaimonic Today was a bad day, a really bad
one. I was at work and I was in serious trouble. Loneliness and
depression unexpectedly visited my cubicle exactly at 9:45AM this
morning.I ,of
course was too busy with the act of panic and didn't know what to do at
first. I've thought about acting sick so that i call go home early but
I have deadlines and decided to face this demon and fight it.By
lunch or so, there was a knock out and I won, surprisingly without any
pills or source of help from a close friend.
I've heard that the happiest person is
the one who's too busy to notice whether he is or not. I am indeed busy
but however I think if there's a contest of who is the
biggest cry baby then I would win without any sense of doubt. So
today in my private space within my cubicle I cried despite the fact
that it's friday and my saving account is full of contentment.I finally
admitted to myself how unhappy and broken my spirit is.Every soul is
blessed with a deity to fulfill this noblest goal in life, of being
happy. My happy daimon is gone and no where to be found. I felt
abandoned by the emotion of joy and wishing as if there's a simple
solution for all my issues.The past months has been challenging but I
definitely utilized my skill relatively well in a denial game. I was
caught up in a cloud of illusion and misjudged my contentment.
Today I'm putting an end to this game,I really need
to take a moment to look into myself and recognize my "golden" self as
well as what's really bugging me. What I need is to re-design my short
term goals this weekend and alleviate all the obligated activities that I
don't neccesarily find it enjoyable. I need a brand new plan. I need to
take control.I need to take action. I need to be happy.
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| (#004) Where life exists, love exists If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.
If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love her/him, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.
How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.
If you fall in love with another, and she/he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.
Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.
Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you.
Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit.
Give it to the world around you in anyway you can.
This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.
The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.
Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into saying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you.
But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery.
Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.
Don't deny love just only, because you don't want to be hurt...
IF YOU KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN, IT WILL COME AGAIN. | | |
| (#003) Change of Heart“Without change, something sleeps
inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.”
The many reasons for me not to blog
are a bit too personal and humiliating to share so I will keep it to
myself. To make long story short, I’ve
been very busy with school and work. The recent changes in my life are
relatively positive for the most part, however there’s one change that I’m
forcing myself to adapt to. My friends think I am mad because apparently
letting go of love and loss is such a simple concept and easy thing to do but I’m
having an overwhelmingly difficult time dealing with it.
I’m
not
exactly the type of person who can handle and easily adapt to change,
well
emotionally at least. Professionally and academically I’m fine.
Emotionally
speaking I’m such a silly fool. I’m not very good with dealing with
loss,
definitely not me not I. I’m somewhat of a novice when it comes to the
art of
letting go. I sometimes feel as if my heart is the probably the least
intelligent organ of all, it has too many unnecessary and unwanted
feelings and
desires. It’s too darn complicated, I wish I can understand this
intriguing
organ better, my life would be such an easier fresh breeze. The stupid
thing that a heart
loves to do is pour itself out completely to a particular thing or
another
human being without restricting itself from any boundary or limitation.
The
heart habitually pours itself out like a pouring rain even if the
repercussion
is huge and perhaps risking it own life or identity. Another thing that
the
heart loves is do is heavily base its existence on something else, such
as
oxygen or a boyfriend or girlfriend. It is a tragedy once this vital
thing is gone, trust me
I’m speaking from personal experience there’s not even one single drop
of life
left in that heart. Some hearts, I believe are clever enough to realize
when it
is time to seek a new source of life and move on but mine isn’t one of
them. Mine is silly and asleep still. It is shocked and deeply in stage
of denial, it refuses
to change nor waking up.
Noel: Love? The Clinic guarantees that you will never have a broken heart again! Isn’t that what you said you wanted?
Felicity:
Yes, but if not feeling heartache means not feeling anything, forget
it! I’ll take all of love’s pain, if it means I might get to feel some
of love’s happiness!
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| "Hideways"
...If I shut the door to my house, you can't come inside.....
......And everything's fine because I don't think about you.....
.....Except sometimes and those times I lock myself in my room...
.......Because nothing there reminds me of you....
......But sometimes something does and I hide in a box the TV came in....
....And that keeps you away from me....
...most of the time...but when it doesnt, I crawl into a shoe box I keep in the TV box
...Where nothing you did or said can reach me....
....Except soemtimes so then I climb into a subcription bottle inside the shoe box...
...And it hides me from you...
...If it doesn't I roll up into a ball because I don't have anything smaller to get into ...
...I wish I had a thimble...
-T.M | | |
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