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| Wow, I haven't touched this in a long time. Its just one of those mornings where I feel like something hellish has happened, but I have no idea what it is. I feel sick to my stomach like I'm nervous about something, but there is nothing that I'm really nervous about. I sort of woke up with that lonely kind of feeling, which hasn't come over me in quite a while. I feel like I haven't had anyone around me in a long time. My room is trashed, worst than it has been in ages. There are plates, bottles, and any other food type item I have ate in the last couple of days on the floor area beside my desk. I wanted to clean my room this past weekend, but I just didnt do it. I felt lazy and didn't want to do it. I sort of had insomnia, where I would stay up or just get barely any sleep in general. I tried to fix that by sleeping 9 hours last night. I woke up 3 times during the night, so I don't think that worked out too well.. :-/. I sort of miss school, where I could interact with a bunch of people. I just feel like I've gotten rotten or something; like a banana that has sat out too long, and is starting to get those black spots all over. I think once I get back to work this morning, and get my mind focused on it, this will go away. Stuff like that tends to happen, so I don't feel the need to write here. I started another anime, and I find it strange that there are many, many times where I wish I had someone to intimately watch anime with, which sounds stupid, but thats how I was used to it. It doesn't bother me that much, but its just something I think about from time to time. I don't really even need a girlfriend, but just someone I can be close to, without any real strings tying us down. I go back and forth becoming disgusted with the physical aspect of a relationship (basically meaning sex), and there are many times where just kissing or similar things would be completely find with me. Just being close to that person, is what I mostly am longing for. Idk, its like some kind of stupid feeling that never really goes away, but just hides and attacks when you are vulnerable. Well, I should finish getting ready. See ya.
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| I just saw Juno... I liked it, alot. It made me have this kind of 'life feels like its worth living' kind of feeling. I mean that in a good way. Lol. Its more like a light-airy happy feeling. Idk. Ellen Page was really cute in it. The guy from Superbad was basically the exact same character in this movie, which made it just even better. The parents were awesome in the movie. It also had some crazy pedo type stuff in there, but it all turned out well. I would love to go see it with someone who enjoys movies like that. It would make it all the better.  . Good movie. I'll probably get it at some point then.
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| You know im bored when... I make a post in this. Lol. I just feel like everything is at a standstill right now. Its not a good standstill. Its more of an awkward wait for something. Or, it feels like something is supposed to be there but is not. Its continually becoming harder to find what i like to do. Ill play a game, but become bored after a short period of time. I thought you were supposed to get a longer attention span as you get older. Its seems like its quite the opposite for me. Actually, i think it just seems like kid's attention spans are shorter, because time goes faster for adults. In reality, adults time seems faster, so, to kids, adults are standing still while they feel time for longer. I buy stuff for no reason now. Its strange... i used to care so much about every penny i would spend. Now, if i look at something for like 3 seconds and go 'hey, i want that', ill just buy it. Usually, ill only do something that rash if i have the cash on me, and its less than 10 dollars. Ive been watching animes more and more. I find that, even if the anime has no plot or point, it is still more entertaining than normal life. I want to feel like i used to where i was in the show. I felt like my life was a show, so it felt great. I remember actually sitting on a hilltop, looking at the sky. They do that kind of stuff often in animes, because its pretty. I just feel like i dont have a reason to go outside and do that. And, by the time its summer anyway, i seem to be out of this rut. If i think back, winter was always just a bit more boring than summer. I feel like i have no point right now. Ill keep trying to search for it, i guess. I hate it being cold so much. I think my outlooks on alot of things are changing, and i dont know if it is for the better. Also, ive been quite a bit more emotional about things. I dont like to use 'emo' because that has such a bad connotation with it. I think 'emo' in my head, but without the connotation. Life just feels strange. I think some sleep will fix this for the time being. See ya.
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| Man, i have really been putting off this research paper for a while now. I have a presentation on it on Wednesday and the paper itself is due Friday. Also, i need to buy a folder for it and my class notes for the class (Tech Writing), so this is gonna suck to get it all done on time. I need to really crank out alot of work today, or im screwed. I'm possibly considering signing up for the gym that Lombardo goes to over the holiday break. It'll be nice to not be so god damn lazy for once. Okay ttyl.
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| No updates in a long time. I built my other computer from Tim's parts i bought off of him. Ive been spending alot of my time working on speedrun routes for Half-Life 2 Episode 2. Its alot of work. Anyway, thats almost done, and im happy that i dont have anything really due (for once) this week. Im just hanging out and trying to take it easy. I should probably be in bed by now, because lately, ive been getting less and less sleep, and its taking its toll on me. Alright, well have fun peoples.
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