Oh cripes, guys! I haven't blogged in like 6 months! Unheard of!

What can I say? Everyone else got out of the xanga groove, and I followed suit....

Well what to update then? Since January.....I've just been working, going to church and bible studies. Into some really good fellowship here, it's amazing. The college group is great, and we've been doing monday night dinners/prayer meetings/Jesus par-tays! Very fun time.

So there's this guy......but more on that later We'll see how things progress first...

So that's that, really. Not much to report. Not much exiting stuff going on day-to-day. But I'll try to be better in xangaland.

Update!!

Feeling a tad bit under the weather.

My adventure of 8 straight weeks of work with 1 day off is coming to an end (Finally Lord!)

Celebrating by going to a women's retreat (also prevents me from being called in on my weekend away)

Gosh I'm so exhausted!

My laptop crashed so I'm going to experiment with spending less time on the computer. We'll see how long it lasts. I'm not as broken up about it as I imagined I would be....

I need a Windows XP disc to reinstall. I wonder why they didn't GIVE me one when I bought the computer?

If you've never heard of Flight of the Conchords, you need to youtube them. Soooo hilarious. Binary Solo!!

I think a woman would make an awful president. (Just a thought)

Most importantly, I miss you guys!

December 25.

This will be first whole day off ALL MONTH.

I know. Ridiculous, I tell ya.

I'm exhausted and barely hanging onto my thread of sanity.

But not doing bad other than that.

Hey Kiddos! Holy Crepes, it's November! Where is the time going?

Nothing much to report here. I'm sitting at the Kaffe, enjoying a raspberry mocha and a lemon poppyseed muffin (which my co-workers mutilated with frilly toothpicks) and some computer time before I start working. It is rather relaxing. I'm tired though.  I'm pondering going out to my car and taking a nap because I have a delicious ly soft blanket in there. I just feel retarded sleeping in my car downtown in the middle of the day. Perhaps I should read? I'm reading Captured by Grace by David Jeremiah. Awesomeness.

I went to a bible study last night and my Pastor was talking about this really interesting book he's reading right now called the Annals of the World. After hearing his description, I really really want to read it. only 53.00 dollars in the bookstore. Christmas, anyone?

Miss you tons. Love you even more.

Why is my love life (or lack-thereof) so important to you??

 

Why are romantic relationships such a focus today? We ask people “How’s your love life?” or “so, do you have a boyfriend?” almost right off the bat. Does it really make a difference? Or is it easier for you to relate to me if we have the same marital status?

 

Right now I’m single and I will be for a while (but that’s a story for another day). I hate being bombarded with questions like “why aren’t you married”? Well why should I be? Is it so important to you that I BE married? And why do you even care? Because the simple truth is, I COULD be married if I wanted. I could find some random guy that I ‘think’ I love and I could marry him. Yes, then I would be married. But I wouldn’t be happy. And the relationship would probably end in divorce. I don’t want that. I want to meet the guy that God has destined me to be married to. I want to be completely and utterly in love with him, and I want it to last until death. You may think I’m being naïve, or that I’m being idealistic, but honestly, I’m just holding out for the best.

 

I’m utterly terrified that I will be stuck in a marriage that wasn’t meant to be….all because I was pushed and prodded into it by people who really care about the status and not about ME. Singles shouldn’t be hogtied and dragged to the altar, but applauded for being mature in our wait. Marriage is very serious business, and I think one reason why divorce rates are as high as they are is because we put marriage on our checklist. Get married..check! Yeah, so I’m not attracted to the guy and he’s an alcoholic who verbally abuses me, but hey, I’m married! Personally, I’d rather be single than in a marriage like that.

 

My mom is particularly hilarious on the subject of marriage.  She is constantly telling me that I’m too young to get married or have kids (the hilarious part is I’m 22…my mother was married at 20 and had 2 kids at 22) but on the flip side, if I get a letter or card from a completely platonic male friend, she’ll say, “why don’t you marry HIM?”

 

Why don’t you stop confusing me, mom.

 

Then there is the whole issue of dating. It’s very difficult to be a Christian female in the dating world. I’m not into casually dating but if you reject a guy, they get all bent out of shape about it. They say, “I don’t want to marry you, I just want to date”. Sorry hunny, the purpose of dating is to get married. So if you know right off the bat you don’t want to marry me, then we aren’t dating. The last thing I want is to start off a relationship KNOWING that I will be hurt in the end. I’m not a masochist!

 

Then on the other hand, I want…no, need…..no, EXPECT to be pursued. I know it’s 2007 but I’m not chasing a guy down. You want to date me, then you need to get your cojones and ask me. Because how can I expect you to marry me and to lead me, if you don’t even have the guts to ask me? I know you guys are kind of stuck in a catch-22, but that’s the way it goes. And don’t expect me to say yes just because you asked me. I don’t owe it to you. What I owe you is honesty…and an honest answer. Just like you owe me the same.

So what do I want then? It’s difficult to say. The list is long of things I want him to be, but I don’t think I have to rigidly stick to the list. Apart from the fact he must be saved and must be a non-smoker, I’m kind of open to suggestion. But what I do want is someone that I can have a deep, intellectual conversation with, and then someone I can totally goof off with and act like a complete idiot, and someone who at times….or most of the time, I just have to rip their clothes off (ok, ok stop freaking out. I’m just trying to be real with you.)

The point is, I don’t want someone I’m only physically attracted to. I don’t want someone that I only have fun with. And I don’t want someone where all we do is discuss and debate. I want the full range of emotions and experiences. So if I don’t have all of that with you, then I honestly doubt that I will ever be with you. I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels that way.

 

So to bring it all to a close, my love life (or lack thereof) is really no-one’s business but my own. If you think I should be married. Good for you. Because I do want to be married. And if you think I’m too young to be married, again I say ‘good for you’. This is one time where I believe it is appropriate to say that I don’t really care what you think. My relationship(s) are neither on the docket of the next city council meeting, nor are they an ABC reality series where you can call in and give your .02 cents.

 

What people need to stop doing is living their love lives precariously through other people, and get one of their own.

 

So, my new thing is to not care what other people think about my marital status. God’s and my opinion are the only ones that matter to me (God’s primarily, cuz I kind of suck a lot).