Here I sit, like every other day, same as always. But now...ah! I have returned to write in my supposed webjournal. Maybe I just haven't lived since Dec. 21st, 2002. hmmm...

Made some new friends! Yay! First on the list is Lupe, a friend I met while trying to cyber-pounce Haley. And I guess that's it, now that I think about it. Everyone else was already a friend. Or was at one time and now is again. Something like that.

Went through an engagement. Yep. Turned out bad. Was nothing but a headache and ended in failure. Then again, I always did suck when it came to impressing the opposite sex. pleh...

New poetry? Hardly. Most days I'm too lazy to lift a pencil, much less write. And all I think about all day is nothing and failure, and failing at nothing, which isn't the same as succeeding at everything, but I fail at doing nothing, which is pretty bad if you ask me.

Recently got some good news concerning a girl I have crushed on awhile. But as for that...we will wait to see if anything developes before I write more.

As for this war? Me and Cody will be Canadians if this drift starts up. Damn American politicians and their wars of revenge. I don't like war and I will not participate, and you can whine and bitch and moan all you want about me not being American, and about how if I live in America and want to enjoy it's freedoms I should fight for that, but this war is not about defending freedoms. That was the American Revolution and the Civil War. This war is about nothing more than us showing off, just like the whole bombing of the al Quidda was about revenge. Enough said. Do not bitch to me about this, because this is how I feel about the senseless war. If you want to die a meanlingless death, go ahead and sign up before you are drafted and quit yer bitchin'. As for me, Canada is looking pretty nice. I always did like snow.

Blessed be to all, and to all sweet dreams.

Could you take my picture? Because I won't remember.

Filter spoke these words, sang them in a song, and I feel them, believe them. I feel as if I am crumbling away, falling apart, falling down, like sands in an hourglass. And soon, oh so soon, nothing will be left. So, take a picture, so you can remember me like this, not as that which I am to become, for I will remember none of this to tell you later.

I just left a comment on Haley's Xanga site that was composed entirely of REM lyrics (in case any of you read it and wondered...), but I believe it fits. Song lyrics have the tendency to do that. As does poetry. Unfortunately I have lost the spark, and can not write poetry. I just grasp for it now, if I even care to attempt, where, at one time, it flowed from me as readily as my tears do. Does it hurt? Yes. It's like having an arm ripped off, except you can still function without the creative spark, and you HAVE to continue functioning, knowing that you don't have it. But I have no emotions, no thoughts, no life. It is no wonder I have lost the spark. It should only be reserved for those that can wield it responsibly, and I kept it locked away and bottled down until *poof*, it is gone. And now, as I fight a losing battle I have no wish to participate in, against the dreaded daemon Depression, I feel the need to express myself, and there is nothing there. The fire is gone, the words will not come to me. I have failed myself. The last let down. How much longer do I have? I count minutes as though they were days.

I miss you Snuggle Bunny. And I want to talk to you more Brittany. You make me smile. I love you both, with all the love I have left to give.

To all those I love, Blessed Be. To all those I know, Blessed Be. To any and all, Blessed Be.

I know, I know. I haven't written in forever, and I lament said fact. But, moving on, I have little to say and much time to say it. Wait. Strike that, reverse it. Good. Great. Onward. I am on like a natural high. I FINALLY saw 'Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring' for the first time. I had to, afterall, since I am going tomorrow night to watch 'LotR: The Two Towers'. It made me feel like I did when I first read 'The Hobbit'. I was, once again, a little kid, full of emotion, spellbound, savouring every image presented to me. I was in love with it, entraced and yearning for more. I think I will go find my copy of 'The Hobbit' tonight and read the whole thing, front to back, forgoing sleep for the wish of adventure, thrill and danger, love and loneliness, all in one. And I will dream, dream of the day my adventure comes, that glorious story of my own.

Now I am sitting here, listening to Dave Matthews Band, intolerant of my slow KaZaA download speed, waiting for Enya. Now, don't give me that look. I have loved Enya's music for a long time, but having my CD collection stolen, not once, but twice, I have no choice but to download it after LotR reminded me why I loved her music. "I watch you there through the window and I stare at you wear nothing but you wear it so well." I started downloading Dave Matthews last night after I realised that metal just makes me sadder. DMB is just such a different set of emotions. I guess it is just depression, but lately my moods and emotions are just all over the place, as they say. I want someone...something...to hold onto, something permanent, more than just the shifting sands of my daily life. I need to feel loved. I need to love. I feel as if my life is empty, without meaning. Like sailing on the vast ocean with no desination. I just float by, watching everything through a veil, watch others live for someone or something. I want that, but I seem not to grasp it, as my fingers close about it, it is like a mist, gone without it ever really being there. A dream within a dream...

I don't really have much to say, but to keep Brittany and Haley happy, I will tell you what little I have to tell. Yesterday, I spent 12 hours straight playing Vampire: The Masquerade - Redemption, and total was awake more than 20 hours straight. It is an awesome game, and if I hadn't promised people (that aren't even around) that I would be online talking to them, I would be in my room where I set up the other computer, playing V:TMR. Right now I am watching one of my favourite movies, Powder. If you have never seen it, I suggest it. It's an excellent movie. ummm...that's it for now I guess. I love you, Constant Reader, for reading my words, as stupid and mindless as they are.    Truly~~Samm

Why can't people accept the fact that I am a free spirit? Why do they insist on me driving and getting a job and going to school? Why can't I just be free? What is wrong with that? People want to be free. Yet, they conform themselves to society, living meaningless lives of work and oppression, ruled only by one thing, money. They fool themselves with notions of The American Dream, of gaining that which is pounded into us from youth. A nice home, a nice car, a nice family. They allow themselves to be ruled by goverment and religion, not giving the mind a chance to learn and grow. *sigh* Not that anyone will actually read this beyond Haley and Brittany, and even if they did, they would just argue instead of give my words an actual thought. May the world implode and let my misery end.