a little change of scenery

goodbye

our whole lives seem so perfect. soccer games where no one loses, coconut frosted cakes, tape players, and butterfly hair pins. Days when the night light chased monsters back into dark closets, weeks when catching fireflies was an adventure, times when skinned knees was the only tears you spilt.

//i can be cruel//

one day something changes all that. an instinct deep down in the strawberry blood we had come to cherish for years starts to form. walls go up. curtians go down. we kill ourselves for fun with our razors, with our smoke, with our pills. we have to learn all of this as we go along. no one sits you down and tells you this is normal. no one tells you when this change will set in. no one.

\\she never understood how crazy it was\\

by the woods black doves take flight. house lights flicker on, the only lights around. broken lullabies float out of open windows as if some kind of charm. when a girl becomes a target the walls crumble and concrete rises. she needs these hands to be real. not just the same hands shes felt for twelve years. feeling old at 17 shes his cocaine. he breathes her in, forbidden and wrong. she burns his lungs, his tonue, his throat but it doesnt matter. all the glasses in the house are broken, shards of red on kitchen floors. in her bed. he loves it when he holds her life in his hands, those hands. he loves to see he can make her bleed on her sheets, down shower drains. shes his cocaine and he cant get enough of her lilac soap and her chopped black hair. she wishes her mom was around still, not taken by twisted metal and white gauze. maybe then her daddy would stop singing her broken lullabies

|| they dont know you've already lived ||

four girls lay broken in the dirt. lay broken in a field of fireflies which would be beautiful any other night. any other time. she forgets to put herself back together before she picks up the pieces of the girls around her. she forgets that she cant be strong anymore. she remembers that shes broken just like the three girls around her. tear stained she takes the night into her own hands.

>> when \ you / come \ crash / into \ me <<

she stands in the field and screams. [she screams her life is like + some movie black and white + dead actors faking lines + over and over and over again] screams because no one is around to hear. screams because she is no one to those around her. she pounds her fists against the windows and begs for a way out. she wishes she could flicker in the night like one of the fireflies she used to catch and hold in jars until they died when she was little [catch the beauty] like one of the fireflies that surround her now. she wishes someone could see her. shes so fucking tired of not being able to pick herself up off this dirt.

thank you missanthr0py

blame it on the weather, blame it on last night full of blue cups and pink lighters, blame it on the music, blame it on what you will.

[+] but today is beautiful [+]

      On nights when the air wasn't so crisp, left dead after a harsh winter of ice and car accidents, you walked through a door and saw three boys drooped lazily over a plush grey couch. On those nights when virgin hearts pushed white powder around on porcelian with library cards you watched them laugh as they flicked cigarette ashes on her bed. On those nights we fell into something deeper than they ever knew.
      His head rolls around like a wind up doll as he pushes the guinea pig around on the scratched wooden table. He laughs as yet more smoke makes its way into the guinea pigs viens. You watch them make asses out of themselves as they spill things and name the random kittens wandering the halls. This is marijuiana, this is smokey they drone on laughing at each cats new idenity. As though the one word had stripped the fur and left the cat a new creature.
     After one night you were curious. Left in owe in blue eyes and black red hair. They let you in, not knowing how fake it could get. With them car rides turned into durbies, rally races down not so empty neighborhood streets, and you just laughed as they drove you through yards and yellow flowers. With them stop lights became a warning, a silent taunt of danger. With them highways became death traps of concrete walls and roads full of prisons and museums. They let you in, not knowing how fake it could get. 

your wrong
your wrong
your wrong
your wrong          about these changes
your wrong
your wrong
your wrong

long nights burried in rain and yellow lines searching for things to do. x.x and she is afraid x.x  eating in familiar places with familiar people all the while wishing this was somewhere else x.x and she is broken x.x  fog covered roads leave us reeling in the confusion of reality x.x and she is alone x.x  sitting here in the empty car smelling of joints and stale cigarettes i feel like i have nothing to claim. sometimes i feel like no one notices that i'm a real person. we all know they hurt. x.x and i am no one x.x  maybe thats why i feel so empty all the time

                               all i am
y.o.u.r.  t.h.e.  b.i.g.g.e.s.t.  b.i.t.c.h.  o.f  t.h.e  g.r.o.u.p.

this shows
this shows
this shows
 i am alright          this shows
this shows
this shows
this shows