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Saturday, October 11, 2008

Lazy

I finished watching Hotaru no Hikari. It was such a good drama! I think I might end up like Hotaru one day. Work really hard at work and come home only to change into sweats and old t-shirts, put my hair in a giant bun and drink canned beer. That's the life. I've been listening to Fluorescent Adolescence by the Arctic Monkeys over and over again. It's such a good song and I love dancing to it and watching my shadow!

I had such a scary dream last night! I had a dream that my brother died but he kept texting me! I'm going to hug him today! Just so he knows that I care...
If he found out why I was texting him he'd probably call me gay, push me and walk away. Brothers...

I am going to a Jason Mraz concert for free today! Lisa Hannigan's performing with him. (She's the girl that usually sings with Damien Rice.) I'm so excited!
You know what's one of my favorite sights of all time? New York City during Christmas time. I love all the lights and the hustle and bustle as people buy presents for their loved ones. I love seeing the tree in Rockefeller Center and breathing the frigid air. I think I just love the holidays!

Friday, October 10, 2008

I changed my layout!

I love my new layout. And I love how incongruous the picture of Tresa Mathew looks against it. I'm hungry and I want chicken tenders so badly, and some french fries on the side but I know I'm going to end up buying something healthy and not as tasty. I hate the salads and sandwiches here. You're better off eating junk food and the stuff dripping with grease. You'll collapse the moment you graduate from cardiac arrest but you will be happy and full.
So guess what guys? Brendan was in Writing class today! I haven't seen him in so long, I started to think he dropped out. Why is he so quiet? He actually spoke in class today though...once. I'm the only one who ever talks in my classes (except art seminar), and I hate when I don't say something because I'm self-conscious of how nerdy I must sound. This is why I'm going to school right? This is why my parents are spending so much money right? So I can actually learn, and participate and explore. So why do I feel ashamed of it?
As I was walking out of class I found the jacket I thought I'd lost the other day. Amanda approached me and I asked her about the revolution meeting. She told me these meetings are really fun and I'm kind of excited. I actually have something to do today. I can interact with people! YES! No going home exhausted for me! I feel so cool being part of a revolution. I feel like I should be singing songs from Hair and dancing to psychadelic music. Haha, so being part of a revolution makes me a hippie?
I need to lose weight! I'm getting so fat and clothes don't even look cute on me anymore! That's it! I am going to start working out three times a week and I'm going to eat at set times! Wish me luck! I remember the morning after prom I checked the scale and it read 139. That might be a lot to most of you, but it was my lightest. I'm afraid to check the scale now. It's a good thing it doesn't work.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

so you had a bad day

I had a bad day yesterday. I've already told a couple of people already but I'll post about it, since posting always makes me feel better!
Well my dad drove me to the bus station because I was running late. I took out my metro card before we got there because my bag was filled with books and work out clothes and trailmix and I could barely discern my wallet among all of those things. The bus was right across the street and I ran to catch it. Get on the bus...can't find my metro card. I scramble to check my pockets and my huge bag, nearly falling over while trying. Finally I resign myself to asking people for change. I was clumsy enough for everyone to see me, yet nobody was willing to help me but one kind lady. She was so nice! She didn't have change for a full dollar so she let me use her metro card. I gave her two dollars back in change and waited until I got to Hempstead Terminal to ask the bus driver for a transfer. Apparently he can't give me one if I use a metro card, I would have to pay in cash. I figure I can just pay with cash right? Pay for a single ride. I check my wallet...one dollar and a shitload of pennies and nickels. Now I couldn't even get to school! I watched people board the N70, but I wouldn't be defeated yet! Hofstra has buses that go to the terminal and back; luckily there was one there. So I got on and tried to convice myself that today wouldn't be all that bad. The law of attraction can kiss my ass because the day didn't get any better. I left my jacket in writing class and was late to an appointment I made with my fine arts professor. But she was nice about it and we had a long talk about my writing and bad use of word choice. I need to work on my diction apparently. She is so smart. Oh and I need to work on writing better topic sentences also. So I walked out feeling smarter and optimistic and I ran into Ely, this unique boy from my fine arts class. He is so incongruous, everywhere he goes he's wears his long balck trenchcoat. And it takes forever to get a sentence out of him. At one point I was just like...bye and bounced.

Since I'm always bitching about my weight I decided to actually work out. I am so out of shape. I had to force myself to keep going on the ellipticals, and couldn't even keep up a run on the treadmill. Totally pulled an Audrey yo. At one point I remembered that there was this event for english majors that day. They were going to talk about the different concentrations, internships, study abroad, and all that jazz. It started at 11:15. I checked the clock. It read 2:00. There goes my future. It was too much, I just stopped working out completely. I get to my locker and realize that I didn't bring anything to freshen up with. I brought clothes to work out, and a new pair of underwear, but not shower gel, washcloth, towel, deoderant, etc...

I had to walk to the bus station all sweaty and smelly, and I was still wearing my workout clothes. Some ass pointed at me and laughed in the passenger's seat of his friend's car. At that point I was just like what the fuck? I don't care anymore. Don''t want no scrubs. I didn't even bother to get my jacket back because I was just so tired. The moment I got home I ate a bunch of junk food and just went to sleep.

I'm disappointed. Usually when I eat indian chips before I go to sleep I have some trippy ass dreams. But I just dreamt that I yelled at my mom for not buying lemonade. I couldn't affored any, and she forgot to buy some. What a pathetic dream. I'm trying another flavor next time.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Nothing can satiate my hunger

After having many cravings throughout the day I settled on having steak, roasted potatoes and mixed vegetables for lunch. I finished most of it but I wasn't satisfied. Nothing satisfies me in this school! Food-wise anyway. They were selling cupcakes for a dollar. All profits went to breast cancer agencies. I wanted to buy one so bad. They looked so good, they were decently priced, they supported a good cause! But I have to restrain myself...
I'm gaining weight and it looks GROSS. It's all going to my gut and thighs. How am I going to fit into those LVLX clothes at this rate? I'm getting the cupcake. It's for a cause that I feel adamantly about. I won't eat any more cupcakes for the whole week!
I saw Alexander. He looks more handsome each time I see him. He was talking to a friend but his back was facing me. I glanced at him curiously, just to see if it was him. And then he turned around and WHAT DO I DO? I look ahead instantly and walk away as if I didn't know him. I must seem so weird...
Um so yeah, how is everyone's day going so far? I can't wait to watch the debate today. I'm going to drink coffee right before so I won't go to sleep. And then I'll do the shitload of homework I should have done last night but didn't because I fell asleep. Thanks for your support Jeanetta, too bad I'm too much of a lazy ass to actually keep up with it. I can't wait to travel. I definitely want to live in another country for a year or two. SHUT UP AND LET ME GO!!
Lizzy and Jasmyn, when are you coming to New York next? We have to have an EXPAND reunion. I miss EXPAND. And I miss our parties and our random trips to the mall. And making fun of Aditi because "it's complicated." And waiting for Aditi to tell Sister Joan how she was feeling. Haha, Aditi. I really want to go to this tea shop for our next reunion so start saving up!
Sorry I don't have anything exciting to talk about. I want to go apple picking! And skiing! And I want to learn how to cook! Cook well! Well you must be a girl with shoes like that. She said you know me well. Okay now there is seriously no point to this entry. I'm going to stop.

Monday, October 06, 2008

I am so grateful

Thank you so much everybody. Your advice and reassurances helped me so much. I hate that I gave up so quickly. I met this guy at my orientation who I saw at a speech tournament once. It was a speech tournament I could never forget. Sarah, Meidemma, Helen and I were the four OI girls from Mary Louis and in one round we had to compete with these two boys from Cathedral. They had the worst pieces ever. One slowly described "the man" and listed every part of the male body. The other one was about a guy with a lisp. They were so bad. Sarah and I made fun of them for weeks because they were just THAT bad. Then I see the lisp boy at Hofstra and I decided to be nice. And he was an interesting boy. He liked playing those nerdy card games and he was always in the game room. One day I was feeling bored so I just commented on his facebook, "Haven't seen you in a while. What's up?" And he went ahead and mentioned every reason why we don't see each other. We've only seen eachother once at orientation, we have nothing in common, I'm a commuter, etc...

Well if he's going to be so fussy about everything I might as well not bother to be nice.
I should be writing a paper (as always) but here I am writing on xanga. But I love you guys. All of you. If I never knew you...
that's a scary thought!

I can't wait to go home. I'll watch my drama and eat meat and probably talk to Lizzy and we'll both have work to do but we'll still talk to each other for nearly the whole night. Yep, that's college. I cancelled an appointment with my art seminar professor today so I could finish this outline she assigned a week ago. I feel so bad when I procrastinate but I still do it. I really like my art prof too. She's so intelligent and passionate and chill. I would love to be like her one day...but a little less fierce. She is fierce. I bought salad today in an attempt to be healthier but I am just NOT SATISFIED!! I WANT MEAT!!!