The winds of change blow violently.
I can hear them howl and whine...blowing faster and stronger with each passing minute.
Frightened, I shiver against this cold wall and stare unblinking at my window. The panes are rattling forcefully, and I know it is only a matter of minutes before it is all going to blow. The fear gnaws at me--swelling in my chest and choking my throat until I don't know if I can breathe anymore.
I don't know if I can breathe anymore.
The change must come...and the window must be broken. Sometimes I think I want it to break. I cannot live in this storm cellar the rest of my life. But it is all I've known. It's safe here. It is warm. Oh God, it is all I've known.
I've practiced what to do when the glass shatters...will I remember, or will I harm myself in the process? I fear the irreversible. This window cannot be replaced. True, this storm cellar will still be here, but try as I may, I could never re-glue all the pieces of the shattered window that now covers it. I must move on.
What is it like out there? I can't imagine a place better than this, but still I get restless in here sometimes. I am torn. Loving here, longing for there. Will it be very scary? Will I trip, will I fall? What if I'm not strong enough to stand on my own? Will it hurt?
Jesus, I'm afraid to hurt.
Trust me, my love.
Oh Jesus, let me hear your voice... let it whisper in the wind...let it calm my fearful heart, and wipe my frightened tears. Oh Jesus, let me feel your presence...let it surround me like a gust of air....let is support me and uphold me. Be behind me and before me.
Here I wait. Counting down the minutes and hours...
until the window breaks.
Chatboard (0)