God I wish I could have a meaningful, honest friendship with like, sharing feelings...without me becoming absolutely miserable.
I'm disconnected. That's the absolute truth-I've had the wrong kind of childhood, I've got the wrong parents, the wrong emotions which I can't express anyways. And it's like a big brick wall between me and everybody else. So forgive me if I hurt but can't tell you, forgive me for fucking up your birthday and your friendships and your internet life. I'm sorry, but I don't know what else to do.

Unintentionally Yours

Gah, man, I had a good day today. It was a half day, which means compressed classes and we all get out of school at 11:50. Florence, her sister Suzy, Lee and I all went to Trader Joe's and bought bread, cheese, cucumbers, root beer, and chocolate and picnicked on the grass in front of a church. Best fucking afternoon I've had in so long...I said I was going to write a song and the Ghost Mice could sing it. So here's the song, I'll put it on my my-spazz too because Florence has forgotten that Xanga exists.

On God's Front Lawn

He's in the shade and
she's sitting down and
you're breaking bread and we're the talk of the town,
Couldn't find a knife
so we just use our hands
and we're singing all the songs from our favorite bands.

Sitting here singing on God's front lawn
Wind's blowing down but we'll never get cold
And we won't go along if we can't get along
Sitting here singing on God's front lawn.

Emma Goldman's love life
and the german teacher's lawn
and we wish that the day was a hundred hours long,
The worst is over and
the world is at our door
and we'd do this every day if it wouldn't make us poor.

Sitting here cursing on God's front lawn
Bring the fucking hippy if you're gonna do drugs
And we may not wait but it won't be long
sitting here cursing on God's front lawn.

Now Kucinich never had a chance
and you're an independant
but we'll save a perfect afternoon and never ever spend it,
And the spring break trip
and climbing up the walls
and cigars on wednesday
we will rise and never fall.

You be the prop and I'll be the attorney
You sing a song and I'll hum along
You be a hero and we'll all be best friends
Sitting here singing on God's front lawn.

Unintentionally Yours

For heaven's sake. I think I was 86'd!
This weekend I went to Michaels to get some yarn...for some incomprehensible reason I have begun to knit compulsively. I was paying for my yarn and I'd noticed that there was a "help wanted" sign out front, so I asked for an application. The girl who was ringing me up called over another chick (the second one was both extremely attractive and extremely snooty) who told me that they weren't in fact hiring. I pointed out the sign, and she hesitated for a minute, then told me that they were in fact only hiring for bookeeping positions.
Okay, fine. I may have blown up this incident in my mind. But consider the following: I am not a very normal looking girl. Actually that day I was looking kind of slovenly, what with having not slept in about a day, and the fact that I was wearing patched pants and a baggy, kind of crummy sweatshirt. And the girl who rang me up gave me sort of an awkward look as I left, which makes me think she knew what her co-worker was doing, which makes me think she was deliberately lying to me because she didn't want to risk me being hired.

Of course I could just be paranoid.

Unintentionally Yours