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| So... Good Talk.So these past couple weeks haven't been the greatest.
And today was one of the worse, probably.
Callie and I had a good talk, though, on Saturday. We talked about almost everything and it was good to know that someone understood and could help.
I'm so tired of all this.
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| The socially awkward never prosper.We had always been 'friends'. I knew her. She knew me. We talked, laughed, shared common interest. But it was never more. But then, then we clicked. It didn't take much but we became closer than ever. Millions of notes, texting, talking, sharing. It felt good to know that she called me a best friend. But then, I'm not sure why or how, everything stopped. I remember the last day we ever had a real conversation. Don't get me wrong, I noticed the signs. But then I looked stupid trying to pretend nothing was wrong. Just in case I was wrong. But I wasn't. And she didn't even care enough to say "I don't care." She ignored me. Don't get me wrong, I blame myself. I am so uninviting, I can't keep a conversation going, let alone start one. And she met someone else, someone who was all the things I lack. Of course they would become permanent friends. Even better than we ever were. Of course she'd start planning with her all the things we'd planned, and apparently, will never go through with. I don't blame her, I blame myself.
Have you ever had a friend like that? I'm not saying she should be friends with me and only me, but did she have to replace me? Ignore me? Move on and leave me hanging? Why can't I be what I feel I am or was. Why is myself hiding? Why am I afraid?
I feel so stupid for crying. For complaining. For thinking. I just, I need to let someone know.
It seems like this happens all the time. Once I feel I'm close to someone, another person walks in and bumps me back. I just want one friend, that's all I'm asking for. Who will listen, love, and care. Who can balance and forgive and just, accept my shyness.
Every second I get shy-er. For this, I can't blame myself fully. I blame the world for not letting me speak. For cutting me off, for making me feel like my words aren't important enough.
Just listen.
Btw; this has happened more than once.
Things have been better, I'm just paranoid.
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| And I'm backI'm sorry for the not updating and not getting a better blog.
It's my fault. I'm lazy. And school takes up most of my time.
But I do miss blogging. A loot. So I just thought I'd do something short.
School's okay. I'm okay. For the most part. I am happy. I'm somewhat productive. I am trying my best to make good grades.
But I'm very tired. Physically and Emotionally. Life is just... tiring. I am constantly wanting to do things, but have no energy to even sit down and read a book. I need some time off. And you may think, "Its Spring break!" Yes, it is. But I have consumed my week with plans, very sadly. I have projects, vacation, seeing friend I haven't in ages. And I have to read, clean, study, and don't forget breathe.
Yeah, whatev.
Well, last night was fun.
First night of Spring break.
I had a video team party.
We started off the night watching "Horton Hears a Who" which by the way I would recommend to anyone! It was so funny! Had me laughing from the first minute to the last second. Then, we went to KC's house and played Rock Band (I stink, but had fun rocking out) ate pizza, played Apples to Apples (which then again, I stink) and just hanging out.
And on the way home (Kyle was taking me) there was this thump that I thought came from the trunk of the car. And Kyle remembers he left his candy bin (with his camera inside) on top of the car. So we go back and search for it and find it (thankfully not in the middle of the road) all the candy is gone, the camera was okay! but the famous robot (TX2 or something) was smashed. Jeremy saved what was left of it, but it was destroyed ):
It was kinda funny though.
And then I stayed up really late and woke up this morning at 9:07 (:
P.S. Xanga as changed a lot, it's starting to look more like MySpace/FaceBook
Good luck xanga, but I think your time has past.
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| Well the reason I haven't been posting much is because I want to make a new blog. [from daddys thing]
But, I need ideas for the title.
Help?
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| okay. okay. so, I haven't written in like, forever. But, I've been so busy and I knew once I sat down to write this, it would take a while. But, I guess I'll start now.
So, highschool is not much like I expected, and lets just say, I hate it. I hate waking up in the mornings and I hate walking from the far end of the school to my class, I hate having no time to do anything, I hate all the homework they pile on us, I hate not seeing any of my real friends [well, besides Carmel], I hate pretending like these people are my real friends.
And yes, this is a huge downer, but this is how I feel.
But, on a plus side, even though its extremely hard, I have high grades.
I have all A's, when most of my friends are failing. And I'm not saying that as a "I'm better than them"
But more of, I feel accomplished. But I think they grew bad habits by not doing their homework in 8th grade, then they look at me like I'm stupid because I did do my homework, but now they are all failing.
So I guess. Yeah.
Here are my grades so far:
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