UntilThePerfectDay's Xanga

So... Good Talk.

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 19:14:14 GMT

So these past couple weeks haven't been the greatest.
And today was one of the worse, probably.

Callie and I had a good talk, though, on Saturday. We talked about almost everything and it was good to know that someone understood and could help.

I'm so tired of all this.

The socially awkward never prosper.

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 22:14:35 GMT

We had always been 'friends'. I knew her. She knew me. We talked, laughed, shared common interest. But it was never more. But then, then we clicked. It didn't take much but we became closer than ever. Millions of notes, texting, talking, sharing. It felt good to know that she called me a best friend. But then, I'm not sure why or how, everything stopped. I remember the last day we ever had a real conversation. Don't get me wrong, I noticed the signs. But then I looked stupid trying to pretend nothing was wrong. Just in case I was wrong. But I wasn't. And she didn't even care enough to say "I don't care." She ignored me. Don't get me wrong, I blame myself. I am so uninviting, I can't keep a conversation going, let alone start one. And she met someone else, someone who was all the things I lack. Of course they would become permanent friends. Even better than we ever were. Of course she'd start planning with her all the things we'd planned, and apparently, will never go through with. I don't blame her, I blame myself.

Have you ever had a friend like that? I'm not saying she should be friends with me and only me, but did she have to replace me? Ignore me? Move on and leave me hanging? Why can't I be what I feel I am or was. Why is myself hiding? Why am I afraid?

I feel so stupid for crying. For complaining. For thinking. I just, I need to let someone know.

It seems like this happens all the time. Once I feel I'm close to someone, another person walks in and bumps me back. I just want one friend, that's all I'm asking for. Who will listen, love, and care. Who can balance and forgive and just, accept my shyness.

Every second I get shy-er. For this, I can't blame myself fully. I blame the world for not letting me speak. For cutting me off, for making me feel like my words aren't important enough.

Just listen.

Btw; this has happened more than once.
Things have been better, I'm just paranoid.

And I'm back

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 15:38:57 GMT

I'm sorry for the not updating and not getting a better blog.

It's my fault. I'm lazy. And school takes up most of my time.
But I do miss blogging. A loot. So I just thought I'd do something short.

School's okay. I'm okay. For the most part. I am happy. I'm somewhat productive. I am trying my best to make good grades.

But I'm very tired. Physically and Emotionally. Life is just... tiring. I am constantly wanting to do things, but have no energy to even sit down and read a book. I need some time off. And you may think, "Its Spring break!" Yes, it is. But I have consumed my week with plans, very sadly. I have projects, vacation, seeing friend I haven't in ages. And I have to read, clean, study, and don't forget breathe.
Yeah, whatev.

Well, last night was fun.
First night of Spring break.
I had a video team party.
We started off the night watching "Horton Hears a Who" which by the way I would recommend to anyone! It was so funny! Had me laughing from the first minute to the last second. Then, we went to KC's house and played Rock Band (I stink, but had fun rocking out) ate pizza, played Apples to Apples (which then again, I stink) and just hanging out.
And on the way home (Kyle was taking me) there was this thump that I thought came from the trunk of the car. And Kyle remembers he left his candy bin (with his camera inside) on top of the car. So we go back and search for it and find it (thankfully not in the middle of the road) all the candy is gone, the camera was okay! but the famous robot (TX2 or something) was smashed. Jeremy saved what was left of it, but it was destroyed ):
It was kinda funny though.
And then I stayed up really late and woke up this morning at 9:07 (:

P.S. Xanga as changed a lot, it's starting to look more like MySpace/FaceBook

Good luck xanga, but I think your time has past.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 07:39:33 GMT

Well the reason I haven't been posting much is because I want to make a new blog. [from daddys thing]

But, I need ideas for the title.
Help?

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 11:07:11 GMT

okay. okay. so, I haven't written in like, forever. But, I've been so busy and I knew once I sat down to write this, it would take a while. But, I guess I'll start now.

So, highschool is not much like I expected, and lets just say, I hate it. I hate waking up in the mornings and I hate walking from the far end of the school to my class, I hate having no time to do anything, I hate all the homework they pile on us, I hate not seeing any of my real friends [well, besides Carmel], I hate pretending like these people are my real friends.

And yes, this is a huge downer, but this is how I feel.
But, on a plus side, even though its extremely hard, I have high grades.
I have all A's, when most of my friends are failing. And I'm not saying that as a "I'm better than them"
But more of, I feel accomplished. But I think they grew bad habits by not doing their homework in 8th grade, then they look at me like I'm stupid because I did do my homework, but now they are all failing.

So I guess. Yeah.
Here are my grades so far:

GEOMETRY K	100/A
WD GEOGRAPHY K	95/A
THEATER ART I	100/A
BIOLOGY I K	93/A
SPANISH III K	97/A
ENGLISH I K	93/A

Friday, August 03, 2007

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 14:49:42 GMT

i had a reealll low key birthday. but it was gooood!

i now have 282 dollars!!!

Monday, July 30, 2007

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 14:49:23 GMT

AYCE was amazing!

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 18:22:49 GMT

summer reading.
7/17 books finished.
1 currently reading.
i lovee to read. and so im trying to read more. but some of it is achallenge. i got some new books, which was good since i don't have anynew books. but im really excited.
here is my list:
invasion of the boy snatchers (number four of the clique series)
revenge of the wannabees (number three of the clique series. i wanted to get number two, but they didn't have it)
peaches
little women (currently reading)
hope was here (just a random book i picked up)
LOTR (all three.. it'll be a challenge.)
flowers for algaron? (or whatever. and the whole book)
madison finn #18. (i never read this one because we lost it)
~~my perfect life~~ (and when i finish the book i'll tell you about it) itsthe sequel to confessions of a teenage drama queen (was written beforethe movie.. and better than the movie) it was in ellas perspectionthough, which got confusing. it was really good and i finished it in 3 days.
~~a walk to remember~~ sucha good book. its set in the 50s about a boy who falls in love with themost unlikely girl ever. he learns to love, grow up, and learns moreabout God through their journey. Its his senior year, and it is truelya walk to remember. i cried, and i read it in one day!
~~the clique~~ my friends said this was a really good book so i thought i'd try it. itwas really good. its just about girls trying to fit in and friendshipand all the girl drama. its the first in the series so im excited about the rest of the books (: i finished it in 3 days i think (no more than3)
~~acceleration~~ this was a really good book. it was about a kid who finds this twisted diary of a serial killer. when the cops don't help, he decides to track down the guy on his own. it was kinda slow at first. but it got really scary at the end. i wouldn't like jump into your face to recommend it, but if you like a good thriller, this is a good one to try.
~~lets roll~~ (these two are for my summer reading for school.) finished the second of my reading list. it is the most amazing book ever. it is so sad and i cried and laughed. its about the life of Todd Beamer. and how he helped save great leaders with his efforts on flight 93 [9/11]. it is so sad. and i loved it! i read it in 4 days.
~~a corner of the universe~~ this was a really weird book. ha, im not really sure if i liked it or not. but it was about a girl and her mental unlce. haha, thats like all i'll say. its too confusing to give a summary. i read it in about 6 days?
~~twilight~~ this was an amazing book. its about a girl who falls in love with a vampire [its alittle more complicated than that] and it so good. the character developement is amazing. its the first of a series of 3. so im real excited to find out what happens. i finished it in about a week. [it was 498 pages long.]

oh, and btw, i won't finish all these books before summer ends.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 09:49:13 GMT

dudeeeee. okay, most amazing thing. so its been raining everyday for like the past two weeks, right? and its always been kinda dark and gloomy. this morning i woke up around 7 and looked out my window, and it was raining. and i thought "another day of rain.. greattt" so i fell back alseep and woke up back at around 8. and i looked out my window... probably the most beautiful morning ever. everything was glowing with light. the birds were chirping. the trees were reallyy green. and the ground looked dry. and i just was in awe of its beautiful

God is good.
all the time!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 20:52:42 GMT

well, as most of you know, i started swim team back up. i used to play for the enchanted valley marlins, where i would get many ribbons and was one of the fastest girls. well the slowest of the fastest, if that makes since. but brieann asked me to swim for the wortham whitesharks and i was like "sure." cause i enjoy swimming and it would be fun to hang out with brieann, anna, and claire. so i joined. since i haven't swam on a team for a couple of years, i knew i would be slow. and i was okay with that. anddd, wortham whitesharks are like the best team of division 1. and they have people like alex on their team. amazingly fast. so i started out really slow. first heat and slowest in the heat. always finishing last. but i still swam hard and tried new things. but i kept improving. so slowly i was getting faster and faster. and two duel meets ago, i did butterfly. now i love butterfly, but im not good at it (well wasn't) and my seed time was a minute. so i swam it and i got 2nd in my heat, and dropped 14 seconds! now i was feeling great. then i tried the 100 free and dropped 12 seconds and got first in my heat! and that meet i got first in my heat for all my events. then yesterday, for divisionals, i did the 100 free. and i was in the second HEAT!!! i was so happy, but i added a second ): then for breastroke i was still in the first heat but dropped 2 and a half seconds. then for butterfly... i was in the second heat again! and i dropped two seconds. oh my, was i happy! and i was in the lead in my heat for quite some time. and wortham won divisionals! ohh, i am so happy.

well, they didn't have most improved, so i didn't win anything.

buttt, i got a place ribbonn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

16th place [=