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Thursday, July 03, 2008

  • Written on 7-1

    I pretty much started off July with a bang.

    Not like that.

    Gross.

    The only thing that went wrong today was being late for work because people don’t know how to drive on mountain roads. And that isn’t even the worst thing that’s happened to me in a long time. So that’s good!

    Basicallyyyyyy, let’s just say, God knows what he was doing when he put me here. At Cullasuckalot. (Cullasaja, whatever).

    So I get my table assignments, right? 2 tables. One 8 top (or 6 top, I don’t remember) and a 4 top. Only my 4 top showed up. So the table is chatting me up. One of the ladies is the member and the lady with her is her daughter and that lady has her 2 daughters with her who are like 5 and 9. Presh. So the daughter lady asks me where I’m from, I say outside of Atlanta and ask the lady where she’s from. She says Birmingham! I was like wow! I go to school there! And she said Samford? And I said actually, Southern. And she was like wow! You’ll have to babysit for us during the school year! And the member lady was like actually what are you doing Saturday night? So I ended up getting the night off of work on Saturday to babysit for these girls! Let me tell you something. These people are rich. This babysitting job will pay. NICELY. Not that the money is a huge deal ‘cause I love kids. But wow.

    So the evening went really well. It was Bingo night and the girls were like Liz! Come help me! And the mom of the girls and the member lady were both REALLY nice people. I ended up getting a tip. A very nice tip. J I had an awesome night. Oh and the mom, like as the girls were leaving she was like go give liz a hug! It was the cutest thing ever. SO I am beyond pumped about Saturday night and also about getting a babysitting job for when I get back to school!

     

    Yesterday was an awesome day too. I went shopping with Holly and Natalie and Darya. Natalie and Darya are two girls from Belarus. (Some country next to Russia). It was a fun day! We went to a little store called Peebles. It looks a lot like Belk. I got a REALLY CUTE dress for $15.00. It was originally $50.00. I pretty much considered it a steal. Had some delicious Chinese for lunch. We then went to Wal-Mart. I haven’t been to a big store in a long time. It was kinda nice. Which is weird. I used to go to Wal-Mart all the time in the Ham with my crewwww! So I came back to housing and watched the OC and then went out to dinner with my brother. We got along really well. Which is rare. And nice when it does happen. I also talked on the phone with both of my besties!

     

    “She gonna hers before I get mine”

     

    So only like 22 days before I go to the beach with Molly! J I’m BEYOND pumped. And then another month before I go to the beach with Victoria!

     

    I’ve finished 3 books so far. Started on my fourth and I’ve got 2 lined up for sure after that and then a small stack from my dad (Tim Dorsey books and a Michael something book called State of Fear). I also want to re-read the pact and have to read Change of Heart. Jodi Picoult. LOVE HER. J

     

    I bought another ring. I wear 6 rings. Am I crazy? Don’t answer that.

     

    I wish I could sing like Lauren Lunsford. ß A thought that actually crossed my mind earlier today.

     

    I sent off a package today. Is it weird that I like post offices? They make me feel accomplished.

     

    It’s bed time. I keep yawning.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

  • Realizations - 6/26/08

    For the first time in a long time, I can truly say that I am happy. I'm on the right track. I'm where I want to be.
    Not physically.
    If it was my choice I'd be at school. Or even just at home.
    I like North Carolina a lot and being away this summer has done some awesome things for me. And by that I mean God has been doing some awesome things for me. Prayer, reading and studying scripture has given me a more positive attitude about everything.

    I was able to realize that I was placing a lot of unnecessary blame on Colin. The blame goes to Gabe. He cheated and that ruined me.
    I know. It sounds dramatic. But for a year I wondered all the time why aren't I good enough? Why aren't I enough? and honestly, that wasn't healthy. Why was I so devastated when Colin broke up with me? Because it tapped into my "not good enough" feelings.
    I hated myself. HATED. I had a deep passionate hate for me because I had been cheated on.
    And I thought I was over it. So I jumped into that relationship with Colin. And tried to be friends with Gabe. But every time I talked to Gabe, I would bring up the cheating. I would try to make it into a joke, but I was so bitter about it. And those bitter roots grew so deep. I rooted my bitter roots in Colin. In every boy after I found out about the cheating. I just wanted to feel good enough.
    I was obviously looking in the wrong place.

    When I realized I needed to invest my broken heart in Christ and not in boys, especially Colin. I was able to stop being bitter towards Colin and have an awesome friendship with him. I was able to let go of Gabe. To stop talking to him and to ask him to leave me alone when he tried being friends with me again.
    My heart is healing.
    I'm learning to love myself. Slowly.
    I'm becoming an overall better person and I love, love, love it.
    I actually apologized to someone the other day for being a bitch. That's not really something I do. I don't really believe that I was wrong in the situation, but she thought that I was being rude so the next day I apologized. She didn't care but I knew I'd done the right thing.

    More realizations have been made this summer. Some that I'm not so happy with. There's a boy that I was best friends with my senior year. The Jack to my Karen. I realized though, now that I've seen him for the first time in 10 months, that we aren't actually BEST friends, just... good friends. Jack and Karen aren't besties. They have a superficial relationship. They enjoy talking smack about people and making each other laugh. Don't get me wrong- friendships like those are so much fun. But if I don't feel like I can call you and talk to you for hours about nothing and everything and be serious with you, and if I don't feel like I can talk to you about the serious things going on in my life when I call you at 3 AM, I can't consider us best friends.

    Enough about boys.
    More later. :)

  • 5/22/08

    Today felt so good.

    I worked the morning shift. Which means I was up at 9:35 and out my door by 9:50ish. My brother drove today. It's only a 3 minute trip. Tops. I had legit shoes today. And by that I mean I didn't have to wear my character shoes and DIIIEEEE. A co-worker (Jenni) let me use her shoes because she was not working today and forgot to bring me the extra pair she was going to bring me. She took pity. :) Sweet girl. So I wore comfortable shoes. I polished silverware for about 30 minutes and at 10:30 got myself a piece of fried chicken, some mashed potatoes and a sandwich. The food was okay. I was hungry, so I didn't care. Back on my feet by 10:45 to set the tables. I worked in the grill room. That's the tables around the bar. It was me and one other girl, Holly. I've only worked 2 other shifts, both of which were evening shifts and in the formal dining room and I followed my brother both of those times so my experience is... limited. So people showed up around 12. And at first me and Holly had one table and I followed her and watched and helped where I could. And then 2 tables came in at once and I got my first table all by myself! And then I got another table for myself and another! Three tables. They were 2 toppers (2 people at a table) and it was lunch so it wasn't terribly difficult. I think I only messed up once, I forgot to tell a couple the specials. Oops. :) But besides that I think I did very well. I probably could have been more talkative but I was actually kind of shy. WHICH IS NOT A WORD PEOPLE USE TO DESCRIBE ME. EVER. So.. that's a weird feeling. Time flew by so quickly and 3:00 was there before I knew it. My feet hurt less than they had the past 2 days and it was such a beautiful day, I just couldn't help but feel awesome.

    So I went back to my apartment. My brother left. I made a grilled cheese, ate some ritz cheese crackers and drank a pepsi while watching Ellen and Oprah.  I decided to go "into town." Around 5. So I found the ingles and dollar general and it was in this cute little po-dunk-ish "square." There was a little bookstore that I went into and just browsed. I went into the dollar general and picked up some stuff. A notebook, bread, hot chocolate, mashed potatoes, cough drops. Just some stuff! Then I went to Ingles and got stamps! It's just these little things, this alone time, and being productive that made me appreciate life. It seems so mundane and so simple and so... little... that it almost seems pointless but it was so nice to just be alone. It's great to do those things with people, but it was so nice to just slow down and do something for myself.

    The drive into town and back was beautiful. Window down. Music blasting. (Third Eye Blind, OneRepublic, Sara Bareilles, Fiona Apple) A breathtaking view of the mountains.

    When I got back to my apartment I decided to be even more productive! So I started doing the dishes. Unfortunately, my pipes were leaky! My supervisor who lives next door to me (who looooooves me, by the way) fixed my problem though so I did the dishes. I finished the dishes and it was around 7:30. I decided I was going to go to sunset rock. It's this.. big.. rock.. mountain.. thingy.. and it's got the most beautiful view. It was an easy drive, again, window down, music blasting, beautiful view. I parked my car and went and sat down on the rock. Had some music playing on my ipod, brought out my journal and I wrote. Just... stream of conscious writing... It was windy though so my hand was pretty cold. I took some beautiful pictures (A few are posted on my facebook, I'll post a few here). And I set  myself a mission.

    I drove back, feeling amazing. Cooked myself some dinner. Mashed Potatoes and Cincinatti Chili. (Spaghetti Noodles with Chili sauce). It was delicious. I haven't cleaned those dishes yet, but I think I can be forgiven since I did a bunch earlier, right?

    I just... feel... different. It's good. And indescribable.

    My mission: Discover self-beauty.
  • 5/20/08

    It's really pretty up here. It's a lot cooler. I don't really know what to say. It's boring up here. There's only so much sitting around staring into space that you can do. There's only so much reading you can do. Only so much writing. Only so much watching TV you can do. Maybe I'm just so used to a fast paced lets go all the time never stop and take time to smell the roses kind of life that this seems boring, when really this is just simple. A small apartment where I have to cook for myself if I want to eat, a phone that I can't make long distance outgoing phone calls on, I can only receive calls. An apartment village with tons of couples and everyone over the age of 21 (except one girl who's 20). People sit outside and enjoy each others company. Everyone drinks. We eat, drink, sleep, work, and do nothing. I'm trying to enjoy the simplicity but just find myself bored. I think I need to retrain my thinking into... this isn't boredom... this is slow. I need to learn to appreciate a slowed down lifestyle and not want to be busy busy busy all the time.

    Isn't this the kind of summer I asked for? Suck it up, Liz. Wish me luck, ya'll.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

  • Is it jealousy? I mean why would it be? I'm over it. Him. He completely f-ed me up.. and well he really did a number on me. So why should this younger little thing get me all worked up? Why is it when I hear her name my mood is suddenly ruined. I was accepted to a nationally ranked private liberal arts college and I had an incredible night and then I hear that girls name and I want to rip my eyeballs out and shove them down her throat. And I can't figure out why. And there's no one I can talk to about it. I mean seriously.. who is there? Oh yeah, no one. Cause if I talk to like some people they'll be like eh I knew it you aren't over him. But the thought of NOT being over him, makes me want to blow chunks. There is nothing inside of me that could possibly possess me to even dream of that. Pass. He's an asshole. So why does it irk me so much to hear about her? To know she's there with him. To know she gets along with his bitch of a mother. To know she gets along with my best friend. Fuck this shit. I don't ever wanna hear her name again. Maybe that's why I stopped talking to Gabe, cause I couldn't stand hearing about that girl. But nooooo, he goes away and I STILL hear about her. And she blames her problems on me. She's causing me problems too. She completely ruins my mood. Never even met the girl and she ruins my mood just by hearing her name. That's sick. UGHHHHHH. I need to call someone and rant.

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