I thought everything was going to be amazing. n honestly it kinda is n it kinda isnt...I met this guy n he is totally amazing. ive had 2 dates with him already n i have a third on this weekend :D but the worst thing is that i found out that my mother is DRINKIN all over again. she just doesnt get it. she sits their n yells/gets mad at me over the stupidest things all of a sudden. like today she got mad at me cuz i didnt know where the hammer was. LIKE ITS MY FAULT!!! i was like WUT IS YOUR PROBLEM n she slammed the door on my face. i just cant handle her anymore. i just wanna leave, leave her, leave this bs.

I always think things can never get worse, ohhhh but they always do. my mom through our lives away n just made a mess of everything. n the best part of everything is that she just thinks im stupid, n that i dunt notice. i knew rite when i walked in the door that she had been drinkin...n she hadent said anything to me yet. alkis just think simply that no one will ever figure out their fuckin lil plans....they think were idiots like lil 4 year old children. it drives me nuts. i honestly think that i am more mature then my mother.

When my mom starts gettin mad at me for stupid things i just wanna look at her n tell her to go suck on that bottle...but can i really say that to her!!! if she got me mad enough i totally would.

i asked my sister what we should do n she said that we should just leave it as is....see how she does. n im like should i really leave it alone n not say anything to her cuz if i do things might only get worse. n i honestly dunt want things to go down hill n have no home or anything again. i refuse to do that to myself once more time around to rememeber the horrible things we went threw. i just wont have it...n if thats how things are gonna be then i want nuthin to do with her....me and my sister were like maybe she can handle it this time...but if she can then y is it such a big deal that she has to keep it from us? EHHHHHH SHE MAKES MEEEEEE SOOOOO MAD:S:S:S:S

well life i thought was gonna be amazing now...after 10 long and hurtful years i finally see my dad again. it was amazing felt amazing...i have never felt happier, except when i was in love (but that being another storie) i walk into the restarunt sit down with my siblings, im neverous but excited!! i mean it has been 10 years.

i look n their he is standing rite by me with my step mom. we hug and cry and hug sum more. it had been way tooooo long to have not seen him. i love my father. i may not approve of the horrible things in the past he has done...but that IS IN THE PAST!!! n its funnie that no one can see it for what it really is.

im not trying to be selfish cuz honestly i hardly ever am. but for ONCE honestly ONCE would like to think about myself and what i want to do n how i would like to feel. n not worrie about whats gonna happen. so i did i did what i wanted n i met him. n fuck yeah i got into shyt. my sister didnt talk to me for 2 weeks. MY SISTER WHOS SUPPOSED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND (besides nicole n anu) DIDNT TALK TO ME FOR 2 GOD DAMN WEEKS!!! i was pissed...n my mom who couldnt look at my in the eyes for at least a week. i couldnt talk to her

looking at her made me angry. i dispised everyone in my family. told my mom i felt like i was an outcast n didnt belong in this family. you think if your own child said that you would take more of a reaction than Oh??? like what the fuck.

so my mom thinks that the first time i met my dad was last saturday at his family bbq. so i go i tell my sister to take care of her so i can go n ill be back n ill take care of mom during the dad sunday. not knowing that i was gonna spend the nite at nicoles.my mom calls to check up thats fine...but she called me balling her eyes out n i know she was.which made me feel bad which made me cry. so everyones askin me what was wrong.

so the bbq is amazing we had tunz of fun. me n my dad bonded it was GREAT i havent felt that happy since i dated jayson!!!n that was 3 years ago!

so i ended up goin home at 4 pm sunday. n i come home to my sister pissed at me. i ask her why. shes like you were supposed to fuckin stay with mom all day today. (well fuck,she was supposed to be their for my damn mother during the difficult time she was going threw about my dad....but she fuckin went out n got drunk instead sumthin she does all the time) ME ok ME i havent see my father or spent anytime with him in the last 10 years....so SORRIE for being selfish.

my sister calls me a fuckin bitch n im selfish. honestlyi couldnt beleive it. if i could only go n say that things i wanted to tell the family...cuz theyd be pretty shocked..perfect sister heavens that she has EVER dun anything wrong in her fuckin life.

I WORK, I PAY MY BILLS, I DUNT HAVE KIDS!!! i honestly dunt know what i can do to make any out of myself. cuz no matter what i do it isnt good enough.

fuck them. im enjoying myself...my dad wants to do soooo much with me. which is more than i can say about the people im with now. but i know my mom n sister are gonna think hes brain washin me.

I THINK MY MOM NEEDS TO RELAIZE THAT ITS NOT ABOUT HER  ANYMORE ITS ABOUT ME!!! i hate sayin it...but he doesnt care about her anymore hes got a wife n a step daughter. the only other thing he needs is ME. i dunt care how bad that sounds i know its the truth. n everyone else can fuckin bite me.

GOD I HATE PEOPLE WHO LIE...its bullshyt. honestly where does lying get you??? because eventually its all gonna come and bite you in the ass. then when other peoples lies come out it gets throwin into your face. its funnie how you think you know sum people or wutever but even after 19 years of your life it still turns out to be a big lie. i guess in the long run you can expect people to be their for you, even when you need them the most.

its funnie how people say that you can always come to them with anything that you are worried about n need to talk about but then when you do take that offer it blows up in your face. and how everyone says that they understand n know were your comming from but truley they have no fuckin clue....or how the people you thought would know where your comin from turn around n act like a whole other person. its amazing how people turn around n change who they are just to please someone else. its amazing how people work. how they wont stand up for themselves.

well im sick of running n i wanna do wut i know is truley rite. n if you dunt think so well fuck off...ive done everything to make you understand n neither of you are listening to anything i have to say. its been 10 years n ive been hiding how i truley feel n well damned if im gonna keep hiding them for another 10 years. n if that means i lose sumone whos supposed to be my bestfriend well then you werent my bestfriend to begin with. just another thing come and gone in my life. ive had enough heartacke in my life n i dunt need yours to add to the pile. i just wish out of all people YOU would understand n just listen...JUST LISTEN. but heaven i expect that from anyone here. i guess i should have expected the worse. and i did from HER definatly didnt expect this to come from you. guess its dun n over with. but wutever i just hope you adventually realize where ive been coming from, i barley expect that out of you but maybe just maybe youll surprise me.