UselessRegrets's Xanga

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 13:47:26 GMT

I was just getting ready for class and decided i should take some pics....Here they are...lol

thats my belt and my hand not my ass! Getting tipsy lol

Bored Happy ^.^ Random look

My friend Heather says i look Like chester from LP WTF?!?! Up the Punkx hXc lol

So i went with a somewhere i belong look....

Random look.... Awww this is for Lauren Beacuse she made me smile Feel the sorrow in my eyes...

Thats it you punk bitches! lol

Monday, April 19, 2004

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 11:16:26 GMT

This is the most fuckin best band! there so0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o Good check them out beacuse i said so!!!!! WWW.ASKYLINEFRACTURE.COM

Monday, April 19, 2004

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 09:14:07 GMT

Well today i just got home and I am happy, sad, And everthing in-bewteen.Okay my weekend starts off......

F r i d a y 1 2 : 0 0 P.m

Well i was supposed to chill with Casey today but She has these things called "plans" so that was just shot beacuse she couldn't cancel.So i went to my friend Chris' and we had a pretty damn good time at his place. But we always have fun there.....I just guess it was hilarious beacuse i was gone and i haven't seen him in ages even when i was home....So we chilled out and talked about my life and his life in general..I was asking about his relationship with his Girlfriend Maranda.(Who is really neato!) And they have almost been going out for five months now...I was like holy shit. 5 months....That's half a year....Thats a damn long time! So Chris and Maranda Happy 5 months!! And then we went and saw the movie "Hellboy".I was so Dissapointed beacuse i read all the comics and the movie sucked!! Ahh well...But i got to hang out with all of my friend who i miss alot...And i got to see Tara.You know i never thought about this but i think i might have liked her.And chris told me how she was pretty "Flirtacious".But tara and i are just friends but we have alot of fun together..I just don't see my self being with her beacuse she always talks about someone else she likes than myself....

S a t u r d a y.....S o m e t i m e A r o u n d...9 ?...

I woke up and jesus did my head hurt! I took 2 aspin and went back in the spare bedroom.I was so bored beacuse Chris wasn't awake yet so i just stayed back in the bedroom.I feel it is a sin to be awake before 9 a.m on a saturday..But hey thats just me So i studied This book he gave me about Rudiments and hand exercises for the drums...Well just the snare rather.And i was praticing alot and i thought about some stuff and eventually fell back asleep..But four minutes later i awoke to a retchid type of phone call we all know and love as bill collectors.Being the light sleeper that i am..It ruined the moment.Well i took a shower and what not and then woke crhis' ass up.Went on his computer and Duked it out with Casey....Okay..I was "Supposed" To see her today....Mind you it was only 11:00 a.m! when we were fighting about how i am an asshole beacuse i didn't see her today..Im like "umm...I was going to see you today!" But she didn't give me two secondsto even awsner myself.Before i knew it she went off on one of her little "Tanturms" and got aggrivated and "Tired" of everything about me. And somehow we broke up..Agian but im not see how you can break up with someone when there not really going Out but hey whatever...So by this point i was horribly pissed off.Beacuse believe it or not i really DO Love Casey just she trys to be so demanding and wear the "Pants" In the realtionship and i just don't like that.So...Let me not digress from this tale of mine.Around 5...We went to Chris' girlfriend "Maranda's House".It is huge..i wish i could be lucky to live in a house like that.

Well, We played Uno and it was the most complex set of rules i have ever played with in my life..I fucked up every six seconds...Lol.I was like "" all the time.Then we had alot of fun with this game and correct me if im worng But it is called...Ahem..."Pu Fer Ae Ding Ding".It was awkwardley amuseing.I had to ring this bell and Speeing tickets and....Stop lights it was just weird.Those damn germans and there crazy games....So we went to "Gameworks".I was like oh....DDR time! So we had alot of fun and i whopped there ass in this driving game.But then chris and i played DDR and we um...Did horrible. I haven't played in almost 8 months and for Chris' its been a year...Well playing on pad that is. So we did horrible and i was so depressed in myself...::Shakes head:: man i sucked.So then we went home around 12:00ish and Went right to sleep....

S u n d a y ...10:00 a. m::Hits alarm::.........S u n d a y 2:1 5 p. m. Dum Dum Dummmm!

Oh shit!@ Today is my brother's birthday.....I rush to the phone and call my mother to come and pick me up.I promised her I would have been home early but i wasn't.So i got home and we had this little shindig and it was weird.Well i was going home soonso we decided well...My brother decided he wanted McDonalds for dinner.....What a cheap date.Well now that i moved i didn't have to listen to my mom bicker all the time but when i got in the van it was like old times...She bitched about everything and i just got in this hateful mood..We got to McDonalds and my grandmother and Aunt were there. Nowi hate my aunt so i was in a bad mood already....But things got worse...Horribly worse.Well we ordered food and i got something and it came with fries.We this fuckin bird came and ate my fried im like "You son of a bitch!" and i acually hit the mother fucker. i think i broke his leg...But he ate my fries! lol So then we were done and i got in the car with my grandmother...a.k.a my legal Gurardian now. And her and i got into this thing about my grandfather....We both ended up crying and i wanted to kill someone.Well we got home and i tryed plugging in my PC a.k.a My computer............Nothing.......Okay....Trys agian........Nothing.........My computer is now broken.....And i quote this is just about what i said..."Shit! you piece of @#%^ I @#$#$ Hate you oh God Damnit!"

And i got even more pissed.Well no one in my family but me is taking my grandfather's death well so my aunt wanted me to go to this group "Session" with her at Hospice(A place you go to when a family member is dieing and they take care of the family until the member dies.).Well i jsut sat there and she poured this guts into this lady.She wrote something down and asked me if i had anthing to say..I just waved my hand and told her to just go right along.Of course she thought i was in denille so she called this shrink guy to talk to me...Haha he got what this poor poor man Deserved. He examend me from head to toe.....My chains My 4 rows of belts..My jet black hair my earrings..And wen't "Well....How are you?" and then shit hit the fan.I usually like don't talking to these people but this was diffrent.We talked about my life in general and how i have no girlfriend and what happened with them all and how my attitiude is recently.Make a even longer story short he told me i have alot of anger and depression and im not showing it but when i do i take it out on the people i care about the most. So i thought about that for a moment and we went back to talking.....He gave me relationship advice and I told him to blow it out his ass.But he made me talk so much about Casey..Im like "Dude it was only a couple of weeks Jesus get off tha topic we just broke up okay! Im not dealing with it to well".And then Complete scilence.I jsut told this guy off and he said something that hurt even worse.

He says "You loved her didn't you?" I said.."Yeah i did...Alot." And he asked me next.."Was she your first girlfriend?" I looked at him like he was nuts and i said "Hell no....But she was the first for me to say i love you too." he looked at me like i had Eighty heads...he said "Buddy....You said i love you in less than a week?" I angrly said "Yes...Is that a fuckin' problem...Look i loved this girl okay..." and i got into it about this subject he kept digging into. i said next "She ment the world to me...In the shortest time she made my life what she could heaven....She was everything i wanted and then some....And....(I got choked up)....I...I fucked up and i was wrong. And i told her i didn't know if when i said i love you if i meant it." he looked at me and Just glared. He looked at me and opened his mouth and didn't speak....Then finally he said "Well, Did you try apologizeing?".I gave him a look like he was retarted and he knew i did.He looked at me and Said the following. "Zack....You need to realize how bad of a person you can be.And the things you are doing to yourself aren't helping.Your grandfather's death isn't the thing that is hurting you...It the relationship you have with Casey.."

I said .."Go on..You have my attention." He began agian "You have so much pent up anger you need to get out and you have told me about you'r daily life and you'r depressions and Anger sessions.But what you need to realize is you'r losing something Dearly to you.Someone you care about." Then i said "Casey? i've only know her for 2 weeks and you can tell all of that? Geeze you can read me like a book doc." I was floored. That is exactly how i felt. I went to speak but he went on.."Zack you'r a nice boy...Strange but nice...(I laughed) You have so many ambitions and dreams..You need to stop being so negitive all the time and go and do them.Become a drummer for you'r band and be a sucessful artist but what i want to say is this. Through are session here you were telling me how you hate all the anger and fighting about everyone.You hate how everyone takes it out on you..But you took it out on Casey.All beacuse you didn't know what to do.Well, You need to apologize" and i abruptly stopped him. I said "What and the fuck are you talking aobut?"

He said "Didn't fight for a while with her?" and i said "Yeah for a day or so and then i made her pissed beacuse i said i wasn't shure about the love thing." He told me something next that made me really REALLY think...."Zack maybe you loved too much...Not too little You weren't shure how muh beacuse you have never felt that way before correct?" I nodded with disbelief. he went on "And what you'r doing is digging an even bigger hole for yourself...If you love her tell her if you miss her tell her..Don't just sit around and be depressed admit you were wrong..That's all she wants.For you just say "Checkmate"..So for me..Tell her you'r sorry and for the love of god pull yourself together and make it the best you can" i was quiet and the spoke softly "I don't think she wants me back....." He said "What do you have to loose? You heart agian to a woman who made You'r life 10 times better?"

and i went home slept on it and thought...Damn..He's right.So here it goes......

Casey......I'm sorry for hurting you.I'm sorry for being such a dick to you.I don't want to let you go and i don't want to just be friends.I may have been harsh to you and i have been depressed lately for this passed month.When i met you you turned that around but although you helped..... but, the darkness grew.I couldn't take it anymore and i snapped.I beacame something i hated. I put my "Seal" back up around me and completely shut my emotions out..And you.It's not fair for you.All you gave was love and i rejected it. Why? beacuse i felt you wouldn't feel the same once you met me...I felt this was just a game beacuse why should I..Me..Zack deserve to feel so happy?Why should Zack get such love and attention? Why? I don't know why but im thankful as hell i had it. I jus't didn't understand.I always wanted to meet a girl who Liked me for me...and i was still searching but i didn't realize what i had found......It was you.If you hate me i understand but know my arms my tatterd arms and heart are always ALWAYS open for you.As wipped as this sounds i really do love you.The hamster inside had died without you......I need you now more than ever and you apologized to me and im doing it now. Casey....I love you and i can't wake up without hearing you say dog...Or washing machine...You are the love of my life and i fucked up reallllllllllllll bad.And i miss you...So much so.

But if you can understand and im not expecting you to.....I'm just saying Checkmate....You win. And im sorry for what i did...I never ever thought i would say "I love you" to someone and mean it with such force like i do with you now.....Casey you were the greatest girl i ever said anything too.We talked though some deeeeeep shit and i can't just let that go....So if you ever forgive me i am here.

And i hope the next guy dosen't fuck with you'r emotions and makes you happy as hell...Beacuse i should have done that and i didn't.......Casey.....i love you.Goodbye for now until we meet agian...But Swallow the knife beacuse that was our best mistake.....

Im done...I have nothing left to say...But this....Today is a new day and i am reborn but for ever i remain in this shadow growing wings.....

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 23:45:50 GMT

Wow....My Emotional Roller-coaster...

Well i Was feeling horrible but my friend "Steph" somehow got Casey's S/n and talked to her...Well Casey got mad but i asked her what she said and she told me She said "Things" i said oh.Make a long story short i was feeling so much better by the time we got off the phone and i can't wait to see her on thursday. Casey if you read this...I love you so much! ^_^ and im glad to have you around...It was nice to hear your voice..-

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 22:10:33 GMT

Wow....Yet another day in the dumps...

My day has been real shitty today.It seems not a whole lot of people want me alive.x.X

I woke up at [1 2 :2 3 P.m.] and decided to take a shower...Then Rode my longboard to the Music store.I bought 8 new drumheads for my Set.Totaling at 129.06 i was like errr!

Got home and set up.....Around 5 : 0 0 p. m . And decided to take a nap beacuse i was tired and i didnt't feel like drums at the moment.Boy was i wrong.My aunt came home from work and She was pissed and so was my Grandmother.They work for these asshole rich people and they take it out all on me.Yelling and screaming how i am Lazy and that kind of shit.I came up here to get away from that....And im getting it twice as hard.I went in the garage and pretty much tore up my old drum heads.....And my arms hurt so bad after listening to SOTY/Playing along with some songs...errr trying to atleast.And i thought to myself i really have no reason to be alive..The one thing i wanted is gone.And i don't know how much longer i can withstand the pain....I hate arguments..I hate fighting...I hate...Myself...

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 03:55:53 GMT

Well i decided to look at my irish roots today...And i found my Coat of Arms and it inspired me to do this backround o mine....Its a cemetary by the way but the black and white cought it's detial i think and it's so pretty for being so gloomy...Well....http://img50.photobucket.com/albums/v154/LastAutumnBurning/mitchell.gif

Thats's me roots! ^_^ Out Peace....Remember kids...SING LOUD AND SING PROUD! -Dkm

Monday, April 12, 2004

Mon, 12 Apr 2004 02:58:26 GMT

Well if you all were wondering that's my baby in the backround..^_^

I dunno why i just decided to make a backround of her.She's so beautful and it's true....At the moment the best things are Casey and Ska ^_^. Well yeah thats muh backround.....^_^ out peace fools...lol

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 13:37:49 GMT

Auto response from Cuti6: HAPPY EASTER FUCK FACES!

Cheer Up AFI Kid: HAPPY EASTER FUCK FACE
Cheer Up AFI Kid: ^_^
Xx Chris Evil xX: HAPPY EASTER FUCK FACE
Xx Chris Evil xX: ^_^

Well to all of my readers out there.....HAPPY EASTER FUCK FACES...Lol

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 03:06:57 GMT

What a fuckin' day....Read the whole thing before you jump down my throat..

I don't understand....I'm trying my hardest...And nothing works out.Finally, I get situated in this fuckin ghost town for what? Nothing.I get a job..Big deal.

Im going to school....Big deal.I miss all of my friends.And the one person i thought i missed the most hates me.I don't know what to say anymore..I feel im losing friends like there on the clearance rack at Macy's.My Best friend in the whole world i thought would care and be sad im gone.Nope. He just said..Man it sucks you'r not here..WTF?! Forget it. If he moved i'd cry like a little bitch..And I thought he was my best friend dude, Im not mad at you just disapointed.My quote un-quote "Girlfriend" Casey. I love her to death but i don't get her at all....One day were fine and the next she blows me off like im not even Human...I can't read her mind anymore and i don't know what she wants....How am I supposed to know what to do...When all i know is what you tell me too? How am i supposed to feel? Hurt...I am. Ashamed.....I am but for what? A love i can't understand...Will i ever understand...Just talk to me all i wan't is that....

I don't understand what is so wrong with me.I try to make everyone but myself happy and all i do is get shit on...I bust my ass all day long Cleaning,Cooking for an Ungreatful ass family. Fuck That. Im sick and tired of this.My heart cannot take this shit anymore. The wall i had once forgotten about and its going back up....It will be rebuilt and never agian will i give the key out so recklessly like i have so may times before...The Stiches are broken and i am lost once agian. Yes, life can be worse right now ....but how much more? What can you do when you lose everything you ever cared about?...

I have a select handful of friends left...Im sorry if i 'forgot" You...But maybe your just not worth it anymore....I will state people's name's and what they have done..If i seem like an asshole deal with it beacuse im just returning the attitude. First things first..Chris thanks alot..You have been though alot with me thanks for being my friend no matter how much of a Pain in the ass i am. I cannot thank you enough for how much your friendship means to me....

Marz...Where do i start...I turned my back on you..How could i do such a thing? For someone who has cared about me for as long as i have met them?

That's deep and i won't ever forget it.When i see you in December excuse me if i latch on to you..You maybe all i have left.Thankx for being my best Friend who is a Girl...Your an Idol to me...And i look up to you alot..Some people just don't Appreciate that.... Casey...I love you don't get me wrong but this has got to stop.I will do ANTHING for you but you need to choose whats going on here.When i see you if you even want to look at my face you need to awsner this..Do you love me or not? Do you want to be with me or not? Was it all for real? or was it all just a run-around? You need to tell me what's going on before its to late...

Vanessa..Thanks for being my friend ...STILL after all my bullshit.After my Attitudes and Whatnot....Thankx for Staying gold pony boy...Andrew...Ive had numerous adventures/Mishaps with you and arguments up the ying yang..

I usually can work everything out.Im sorry if i am mad at you for this but you were and usually are always my best friend.But have we been seperated by a girl agian? For the second time? Are you too good to call my house just to say hello? I dunno anymore dude....Our dreams..Our fears..Our Truths we know each other like a book..But how come we cannot finish an ending..Im not mad at you nor could i ever be..I just feel each day...We desinagrate...Moving farther and farther away....

Tara and Aaron.....Tara my music guru..You were one awsome friend.It took alot of trust fro you to believe me but thanks for finally having faith in me....I miss you alot and i can't wait to see you..I need more music..and another friend..GLASSJAW IS EMO...LMAO just kidding.Aaron...You were on spectacular friend..Afi,The Unseen,The Used,Necromantix,Self-Destruct,Murderdolls....Thoses are just some of the greatest thing you have done for me...My music is beacuse of you...I will never EVER EVER for get N.C. Natural Catastrophes for ever....

And Last but not least Henry and Catlin...Thankx for not forgetting about me.

Henry....You are offically my idol.Dude you'r like the next Fonzie...I think you are the most badass person i have ever met in my entire life and i mean that. My music..Beacuse of you....The Ska Mobile..Haha good times...The Smokes....The DDR i can only hope we hang out more....Don't let the distance stop you.....I hope the Dynamic trio get to go to Warped tour together. To see the Aquabats with you would be awsome....You'r truly one rad friend..You treated me with so much respect...For that i can only thank you....Aquabat Cadets for ever...Lol Catlin..Thankx for the talks and for being my friend...Not much has happend with us..but you Still rock ass! ^_^

If i left you out...You have not made a dramatic impact on my life...Im sorry but you'r either an Equantince or a family member...For anyone who has ever treated me Wrong or IndiffrentlyJust beacuse of how i dress,Look,act or am. FUCK....YOU...VERY MUCH....HAVE ..A ..NICE ..DAY! -Davey havok A.F.I.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Sat, 10 Apr 2004 04:38:52 GMT

Ska...Ska....Ska....

Well now that im in the Ska mood if any one knows of any good Ska bands hit me up!!!!
Im just writing these one's down so i don't forget! ^_^ these are all the ones i know/Learning about...

I know..
The Aquabats!
Reel Big Fish
The Toasters
Less than Jake
The Hippos
Five Iron Frenzy

Dunno....
Streetlight Manifesto
Common Rider
Op Ivy(Duh)
Buck-o-Nice
The Toasters
Squirtgun
Not too good
Choking Victim
Leftover crack
The Pietasters
Catch 22
The Couch Addiction
Planet Smashers
The Specials
Inspector 7

and thats all for now please someone read this and hit me up! thankx and good night....-Zack