Uvon's Xanga

What a Time We've Had!

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 03:05:48 GMT

I was in a bit of a mood last week and into the weekend. Not really sure what it was all about, but I pretty much slapped myself out of it yesterday morning. Not quite sure I managed that either.

I am a little concerned about what I see as a lack of passion in my life. I’m not necessarily talking romance/lust. I just don’t feel passionate about anything. My job, while I am apparently pretty good at it, doesn’t particularly excite me. I’ve reached my critical mass as far as being a political spectator is concerned. Seriously, folks, I’m probably just going to close my eyes and treat my ballot like a game of pin the tail on the donkey. It’s not like any races in my ward/district/state are close. It’s gonna be “D” all the way down, regardless of whether or not (or how) I vote. In a way, it’s a relief, because I really wouldn’t know what to do if my vote actually mattered. I just can’t take it any more.

I will say, though, that I don’t want the government to “bail out” Wall Street. As painful as it is, we need to let the market bottom out and correct itself – which it will do and which it has done throughout modern history. These fixes that the government is trying to implement are not going to solve the problem – they are only going to prolong it. And any sense of relief we might get out if it will only be temporary. Putting a band-aid on a gash doesn’t stop the flow of blood.

On the subject of blood, I went to the dentist again today, for part two of something called Periodontal Scaling and Planing. Part One was last week. And, I need to call an oral surgeon to get a consultation for the cyst-like thing I have in my mouth. Once my mouth is finally fixed, though, I’ll be able to just go twice a year like a good boy and pay almost nothing, given my current dental plan. Here’s to insurance companies realizing that paying for preventive care is a lot more effective than paying for things when they go wrong.

I knit a pair of gloves over the weekend. They’re kinda gay.

On the subject of knitting, I’ve been posted on http://rockonthecta.blogspot.com/2008/09/it-takes-very-brave-and-confident-man.html. I actually noticed the guy taking my picture with his camera phone, but since he was trying to be surreptitious, and since he was cute, I played dumb. The picture was taken probably at least a month ago, because I finished that sweater in early-mid September.

Also, if I made much, much more money than I currently do, I’d probably have my beard electrolysised off my face. I hate shaving, and I hate how much it itches as it keeps on growing back.

Yeah, that last bit’s kinda random. There you go.

That was a Snatchy Week

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 02:36:54 GMT

Last week sucked.

Aside from the Sunday rejection, it just sucked.

Monday was nasty at work, and the weather was nasty, too. I had already determined that I needed to restock on wine. By the time I finally made it to Kafka that evening, I just told the guy, "I need a red that goes well with stress and rejection." Got a nice, peppery Spanish for that one.

The good news was that the only way it could go at that point was up.

Nonetheless, I was seriously glad yesterday when I realized it was all over.

Also yesterday, I finished my first ever sweater!!!!!! w00t! I've been squealing in my head ever since. I wet-blocked it, so it'll be a couple days before it's dry. At that point, I'll sew on the buttons and then take pictures. I've decided to start a knitting blog (God help us all), and I'll certainly post it, as well as other yarny achievements, when I kick that off.

I LOVE the buttons that I chose for it, too.

This week is shaping up to be MUCH better. I'm buying the 1st Season of Pushing Daisies on DVD tomorrow. Loopy Yarns is having its first "Men's Knit Night" on Wednesday. Thursday is rehearsal, which is always a good "reset" for me, and there's nothing on my plate at all for Friday. As long as I can manage the load at work, I'll be fine. And for the days when I can't manage, my wine stock is sufficient for me to have a glass, to take off the edge. (Don't worry - I've lived with an alcoholic...I'm still extremely sensitive toward my own consumption, because that's a road I won't be traveling.)

Antsy

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:46:23 GMT

I'm feeling a bit antsy at the moment.

Part of it is simply trying not to think about the fact that I thought I'd be well into a date right this moment. I've already cleaned as much as I'm going to, I'm not particularly hungry for anything in my apartment, and certainly in no mood to go out for something. Nor particularly jonesing to order something in. This is all partly because, when I get restless like this, I want everything and nothing.

Ken came over for a couple hours to keep my company, and we watched Dead Man Walking. Not exactly a feel-good flick, I'll admit, but it just so happens that I don't have anything of that ilk from Netflix at the moment. I'll be revising my queue to ensure that doesn't happen again.

At least I have some wine on hand. That will mellow me a little. Listening to Edith Piaf and drinking merlot from Argentina. Shit. I should have a pint of ice cream in the freezer and be getting ready to watch a Lifetime movie. Now I remember another reason why I really shouldn't date.

Disappointment

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 19:56:16 GMT

Well.

J and I postponed our Friday date to tonight, because he had other plans that he had forgotten about. And that was all well and good, and we saw each other yesterday for a mutual friend's birthday, and we both seemed pretty excited about tonight.

He just called to cancel. He decided he just wasn't feeling it, and didn't want to lead me on. Which, of course, is a noble thing to do, and you can't really argue with it. And we're certainly all adults, and I can accept it without making things awkward between us or between mutual friends.

But it is, nonetheless, a bit disappointing, and has certainly taken the wind out of my sails today.

I need to clean, so hopefully I can channel this disappointment into productive energy. Not that there's any rush...who knows when I'll meet someone and build up the nerve to ask him out again? Just meeting people is enough of a challenge. Meeting someone, determining I have an interest in him, determining he's available, and then building up the nerve to do something about it? That happens very rarely in my personal history.

Now to Remain Calm...

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 03:25:01 GMT

J and I have scheduled our date for Friday evening. I'm pretty darn excited, but definitely need to calm down and play it cool. I'm debating two dinner options, and will probably go based off wherever I can get reservations. I'd like to plan on something more than dinner, but there doesn't seem to be much that wouldn't interfere. Plays/movies tend to be timed in such a way that we'd have to rush dinner, and besides, I'm pretty anti-movie for a first date. "Hi! I kinda like you, and want to get to know you better. Let's go sit in a dark theater for two hours and pay attention to something other than ourselves." I'm not TOTALLY against it, of course, but I think you see my point. And there don't seem to be any cool events in the "other" category, either.

What this means, simply, is that dinner itself should be a little bit of an event. Both of the restaurants I'm trying in my mind are places I've heard a lot about, but haven't had the opportunity to try. One was even described as "a great date restaurant." So, I'm leaning that way...we shall see... Hopefully the weather will be nice, and we can stroll around after dinner. That might be better than trying to rush to an event.

In other news, I'm already tired of hearing that Sarah Palin's daughter is pregnant. What's the big deal? Aside from the fact that teenage pregnancy is generally considered problematic, this is really not an issue, folks. Most of Alaska already knew, and frankly, none of them cared. There's a lesson to be learned there. Every family has something that could be considered an embarrassment. Frankly, I think it was smart of them to go ahead and announce it now...if she hadn't already started showing, she's about to, so get it out of the way now and give the populace time to forget about it before the election. It is not an issue, nor should it be. Let's focus on Palin herself. My sister's a fan, which probably tells me all I need to know. My sister is scary Republican conservative, and we tend to reside on opposite ends of most political issues (I've no clue where she stands on gay rights issues, however, and I don't care to ask). Still, I find Palin more interesting than Biden, and I lost interest in Obama and McCain long ago, so I figure I might as well find out more about her, aside from the fact that her husband is hot.

Palin really does intrigue me more than anyone else in the campaign. The only candidacies I was excited about were Clinton's and Richardson's. I watched Huckabee with interest, and Romney with morbid fascination. Neither Obama nor McCain appeal to me, albeit for entirely different reasons.

Maybe You Can Go Back to Before...

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 02:32:02 GMT

While it is, I'll admit, a bit over the top, I find my excitement over J to be taking back to thoughts and feelings that I haven't felt in four or five years...before working with seniors, before Jerry, before unemployment. I'm listening to music I haven't listened to in ages, and wondering what took me so long to come back to it.

It's sort of like a reunion with an old self. By no means do I want to go back to the person I was back then, but it is nice, now, with the experiences I've had, to revisit the kind of hope and optimism that I had back when I didn't know a damn thing.

Last night, I went out with him and a group of his friends. One of them leaned over to me and told me, basically, that it was awesome that I was interested in him, but I needed to "be assertive" because J likes guys who chase him. Well, I certainly can chase. But you can't say "be assertive" in a group of gay boys, because at least one of them is bound to go all cheerleader on you - "Be. Assertive! Be. Be. Be. Assertive!"

But assertive, I was. No making out or anything, but definitely plenty of slightly proprietary contact (arm around his waist, etc). And enough affirmation from him to let me know that such contact wasn't unwelcome.

I still don't know where I'm going to take him for our date, but I'm very much enjoying the ride.

Now, I need to go shower and get ready for a late-night birthday gathering for Ken (we've remained friends).

It's Amazing What'll Happen When You Put on Your Big Boy Pants

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 04:32:38 GMT

Last night was fun with the group. And I was fortunate enough to score some more one-on-one conversation time with the romantic interest (J) on the train ride home.

It would have been nice if I'd had the nerve to ask him out, eh? What was shocking was the way I literally felt the opportunity slipping away as he stepped off the train. I spent the ensuing 15-20 minutes of the ride home kicking myself mentally for not making my move. Then, when I got home, I took the opportunity to literally kick myself (there are some things I just can't do in public and in sobriety).

I spent most of today fantastically irritated with myself over this. And steeled my resolve to call J tonight. And then told myself to get over it, because I was getting way too tragic over something that didn't need to be such a big deal.

I came home. I called. I left a voicemail.

He called back, and I simply went for it.

J has friends coming into town this weekend, but after that settles, we're going to look at the calendar and set a date.

Hurrah! That wasn't so hard. And I can go into the date with no agenda, because I'm not out hunting for a relationship.

And I can get my co-workers off my back. Several of them caught wind of the whole issue today, and the last ten minutes of the day were faithfully devoted to giving me grief and demanding that I take action tonight. After I left the voicemail, I thought, "This is going to really suck if that's all I have to report tomorrow."

Also tonight, I took the opportunity to watch Hillary's speech from last night. Damn, she rocks! Now, more than ever, I wish she were our candidate. I voted for her in the primary, I even donated to her campaign, and after last night's speech, I can't believe I'm not going to have the chance to vote for her for President in a couple months. Oh well. I can only hope she'll run again in 2012 or 2016, whichever is most appropriate.

Stupid Grin

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 04:27:17 GMT

So, tonight circumstances worked in such a way that I got a little bit of alone time with the guy I'm interested in. Of course, I didn't do anything about it - we just talked and walked around Lakeview for a while. And I'm just starting to think that maybe he's a little bit interested in me. But that might be wishful thinking. So hard to tell...I did turn on the flirt a little, but it was still pretty subtle.

There will be another group gathering on Tuesday. We will both be in attendance. Maybe I'll turn up the flirt and see what kind of response I get.

In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy the stupid grin on my face.

Fate's Been a Little Snarky Lately...

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 02:29:28 GMT

When I was at my sister's in Florida, I noticed her bathroom scale. I had been eating really healthy, and sucking in my gut had gotten a bit easier, and though I pretty much blew that while I was in Florida, I thought I might as well just check in and see how heavy I was.

I stepped on her scale, and it said "ERR." Okay. I tried a few more times, and still got the error message. I figured her scale must be on the fritz, and thought no more of it.

I'm currently cat-sitting for Ken. This means heading over to his place once a day to feed and water his cats. Today, while I was there, I decided to step on his scale.

It didn't say "ERR." It said I weighed 0.2 pounds. Even if I could come down with a good case of dysentery, I know I couldn't possibly weigh 0.2. After repeated attempts, the only other result I got was -0.4. That's right. I actually had negative weight. Not really sure how I can use this to my advantage yet, but golly I bet I could do some cool stuff.

In other news, I was talked into going out last night when it was mentioned that the guy I was crushing on would be there (it is not known, except to me, that he was the deciding factor). So, I not only went out, but I managed to build up the nerve to throw some overt flirting his way. Could've been quite exciting...

...if he'd shown up. Grrr. I don't know if I'll be able to flex my flirt next time. Last night, I wasn't even sure I'd be able to do it. But the fact that he didn't arrive convinces me that I most certainly would have.

I don't know why I'm so amazingly timid, even pusillanimous, when it comes to asking guys out. I certainly have enough charm and charisma to get through most non-romantic situations. But when it comes to love and sex, I don't even have the nerve to ask my own shadow out. A touch annoying, that...

Mamma Mia

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:36:06 GMT

So, tomorrow, I fly back to Chicago.

whuh?

My mother is about to have a milestone birthday. This weekend was the celebration. A few months ago, my sister and I came up with the idea of my flying down to surprise her for her birthday. A plan that took a great deal of effort on both our parts, because we knew it would be really easy to slip up and make some passing reference to it. We told NO ONE. No one in the family knew I was even in Florida until Saturday afternoon.

So, yes, it was a fantastic surprise for my mother.

Originally, we were going to take her for a hot air balloon ride. However, it turned out that the balloon was undergoing some sort of repair/maintenance work. Why there is only one hot air balloon is beyond me, but oh well. We went to our back-up plan, which was skydiving. Mother is an avid skydiver, and we decided that the opportunity for her to jump for her X0th birthday with both her children (neither of whom have jumped) would be fantastic.

Unfortunately, that didn't quite pan out either. First of all, the "big" plane (meaning the one that could've carried us all up) was being repaired. This meant that we'd have to go individually. And we were cool with that. However, the clouds and rain prohibited us being able to make the jump. There just wasn't an opening in the weather for us to take the jump.

So, I came down to Florida to surprise my mother. However, I still have not been in a hot air balloon or gone skydiving. I hope to address at least one of these in the somewhat near future.

Now, although it's only 9:30 (and 8:30 in my home time zone), I'm really tired. My flight back to Chicago takes off at 7:30 tomorrow morning. It will be nice to have most of the day to myself to unwind.

I probably have other thoughts, but I'll deal with them tomorrow.