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| Gabriel's 10th Birthday! "With the cross of Jesus going on before!" This is a tribute to a precious boy, our dear son, who was born 10 years ago today, and to our gracious God, who in His wisdom, took him to his eternal home when he was 6 years old. As I was remembering him this morning, I saw a spiritual lesson lived out by Gabriel's attitude toward his brain tumor and approaching death. He exemplified Psalm 60:12 : "Through our God we shall do valiantly, and it is He who will tread down our adversaries." As he lived the 8 months from diagnosis to death, it was as if he verbalized this determination: "Whatever is happening to me, I don't really understand, but it's not getting the best of me! I'm meeting it head on! Onward Christian Soldiers!" Onward Christian Soldiers was the hymn of his life. We sang it every night at bedtime, and he would hold his hands up high in the shape of a cross. "With the cross of Jesus going on before."
It began with the MRI that confirmed the diagnosis of a terminal brain stem glioma. They wanted to put him out, thinking that a wiggly 5 year old wouldn't be able to lie motionless for a 45 minute scan. With the skill of his debater older brother Michael and sister, Renee, he convinced them he certainly could, and would hold still! And he did it, with Richard and I each leaning halfway into the MRI machine, tightly clinging to one of his hands.
During each of his more that 30 daily radiation treatments, when the nurse would call his name, he would barrel full steam down the hallway toward the radiation room, laughing at the nurses' response. After each scary radiation treatment where he would be strapped to the table and left completely alone in the room, he would shout, "Boo!", to scare the technician when she came back in to unstrap him. Again, because of his determination, he was able to forgo the standard procedure of children his age, which was to be put to sleep for each daily treatment. Everyone involved was amazed at his level of cooperation and determination. We were able to see clearly that God was with us in a very tangible way, supplying strength, fortitude and courage where none humanly existed. "With the cross of Jesus going on before!"
Gabriel lived the next 8 months with total gusto, meeting life head on. We never saw him once waver, harbor fear or self-pity. As the brain tumor grew, his physical abilities deteriorated. Nonchalantly, he explained away each disability. When his friend, Joel, pointed out that he was drooling (he even lost the ability to swallow), he airily dismissed it with, "Oh, it's just my new habit." Two days before he died, I wheeled him around the back yard in a wheelchair. In spite of knowing his legs no longer supported his weight, he valiantly planted his feet in the grass and tumbled out the the chair onto the lawn in his extreme desire to run and play. As Richard lifted him back into the chair, with determination in his voice, he slurred the words, "Tomorrow I will run and walk!" At exactly 7:00 a.m. two mornings later, he breathed his last on earth.
Now, as we continue to live out our earthly lives, with determination, we too, hold our hands up high in the shape of the cross, and declare, "With the cross of Jesus going on before!"
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We are
celebrating Gabriel's would-be 8th earthly birthday today. But of
course, He is outside the realm of time, where birthdays are no longer
counted. It's awesome to me to consider where he is now, whom he is
with, and what he's doing. What have his eyes seen? My son has looked
on the face of Jesus, the Savior of the world. Incredible.
Thinking about him is still very painful. Remembering the pain and
suffering he had to go through hurts. We miss him every day. But
there's also much joy and celebration as we remember his birth 8 years
ago.
Richard and I were in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico,
resting up for the birth of our soon-to-be son. But a phone call came
from home. He was born one month early! Richard rushed up to the
front desk of the hotel saying very excitedly, "We have to leave now!
Our son was just born!" The desk clerk got a horrified look on his
face, and in a shocked voice, asked, "Now? Here? In your room?"
We still get a laugh from that memory.
The first time I laid eyes on him in the
hospital, Alejandra, his precious birth mother, was holding him. Being
the adopting mother, I was unsure of my place and wanted to respect her
position. I asked her if I could hold him. She stood up, placed him in
my arms, and said, "Eres tu la mama." (You're his mother.) What amazing
love she had for him. Her heart was breaking, having just given birth
to him a day earlier, knowing this was what she had to do; this was
what was best for him. It became a wonderful way for us much later to
share with him how very much he was loved, and tell him the special way
God had placed him into our family. Today I want to give a tribute to
our querida Alejandra, who loved Gabriel enough to give him to a family
who could care for him. How much she exemplified the sacrificial love
of God. Thank you, Ale, from the bottom of our hearts, for the gift of our son.
Many of you know the special significance 2 Corinthians 4:16-5:4 has
for us; how God used these verses when Gabriel was sick to give us a
beautiful picture of the truth of what was really going to happen to
Gabriel. He wasn't going to die, he was going to be swallowed up
in LIFE. Now that he's gone, it's become our theme song, our
shining hope. Dan Risucci, the worship leader at our church, Hope
Chapel in Citrus Heights, has written a beautiful song based on these
verses.
Swallowed Up By Life
It is written, no eye has seen, it is told, no ear has heard
It's true, no mind has known, what God has prepared for you
Absent from the body, at home with the Lord
Clothed with immortality burdened here no more
Light has shown out of darkness the glory of God in the face of Christ
We shall be at home with Him, swallowed up by life
This is our faith, this is our hope
This is our strength to face tomorrow
This is our joy, this is our peace
This is His promise...no more sorrow
...& He gave His life for all those who will receive....
Your treasure is kept above, where the world...cannot destroy
Where time...cannot waste away, what God has prepared for you
Absent from the body, at home with the Lord
Clothed with immortality burdened here no more
Light has shown out of darkness the glory of God in the face of Christ
We shall be at home with Him, swallowed up by life
This is our faith, this is our hope
This is our strength to face tomorrow
This is our joy, this is our peace
This is His promise...no more sorrow
He is the Way, He is the Truth
He is the Life abundantly
We are His bride, we are His joy
We are His children now set free
& He gave His life for all those who will receive...
Yes, He gives His life to all those who will believe
Happy Birthday, Dear Gabriel
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How sweet it is
- this life, gifted to me by my Creator - Lover. He has lovingly
crafted every experience that comes my way expressly for the purpose of
helping me to see Him; to know Him better.
Do you know how to live? Can you see His loving Hand in everything that happens to you?
Hope has become the dominant theme in my life. What is this hope? Most emphatically, it is not wishful thinking. It has a solid basis. It is an assurance of what will happen. It has as it's base the character of God, His mercy and grace towards me, a sinful child.
Titus
3:4-8a "But when the kindness and love of God our Savior
appeared, He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but
because of His mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth
and renewal (who of us doesn't want and need renewal?) by
the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us generously through Jesus
Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by His grace, we
might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying."
This hope has become "an anchor for my soul, firm and secure." Heb. 6:19
This hope enables me to view life as
sometimes unbearably sweet. I believe that all suffering, pain, grief
and loss of every kind, as well as every joy has incredible
meaning for me. It's none other than the indelible
fingerprints of my God, lovingly etched on my life.
Sweet.
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| Praise to God for a Loving Hope
"In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope
through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an
inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade--kept in heaven for
you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of
the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In
this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have
had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so
that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though
refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory
and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him,
you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in
Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are
receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your
souls."
1 Peter 1:3-9
On this first anniversary of Gabriel's
being swallowed up by life (see 2 Cor. 5:4) we are determined as a
family to cling to and rejoice in our living hope. We revel in the joy
inexpressible of the salvation of our souls. We refuse to let
Satan rob us of our joy. This morning, just after we had
determined and voiced this, on our way out of the driveway to go to
church, this precious little kitten pictured above, darted under the
car and we ran over him. The horror of it shook us all, as we
helplessly watched his death throes.
Nevertheless, hours later, standing in front of Gabriel's grave, we again determined together to:
1) view this life as a precious but temporary gift not to be clung to.
2) hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:23).
3) consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord.
4) Rejoice that Gabriel is is heaven with Jesus.
We will be victorious, for Christ has already won the victory and
conquered death. Please join with us and let's glory only in the cross.
I can't see Gabriel's face, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt
where he is and Who he's with, and it's only because of the cross
of Jesus.
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| Following after Jesus (O blessed occupation) is a choice I'm finding
needs to be made innumerable times. I must daily, consciously
choose to go against the grain of what my self wants, to think with His
mind, to accept His sovereignty and therefore to embrace every life
situation and circumstance as being personally gifted to me by the God
of grace and love, to consider even the most mundane task or sacrifice
of self will as an opportunity to offer to the Lord of Love.
Another choice I have to make daily is
to consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of
knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. In his book, "Don't Waste Your
Life", John Piper says, " Life is wasted if we do not grasp the glory
of the cross, cherish it for the treasure that it is, and cleave to it
as the highest price of every pleasure and the deepest comfort in every
pain." "One thing matters: Know Christ and gain Christ."
One thing losing Gabriel has done for me is put things into a different
perspective. Life no longer seems stretched out interminably before me,
this world no longer seems like my home. I'm learning to cherish the
cross, for by it I can know and gain Christ, my true Home.
(I believe there will be opportunities in heaven for snuggling and reading aloud, don't you?)
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