pomp and mo' fucka'

long hair?
short hair?
tough decision.
I look good with both. ;]

the room can breathe.
but I can't say the same.
the stress comes faster than the chances of relaxation.
and I don't feel a break coming soon.
just let me get through..
  let me get through this last week
without killing someone or possibly myself.

the H2O and i have become accquainted.
rapidly the friendship grows.
i may never let go.
   never let go.

i'm going to take pictures of the new dew.
and to see if the weight is running scared.

xoxo. iloveher. peace.

routine of the ordinary just became extraordinary

i still get anxious.
its all coming back.
the last couple of nights i've been scaring myself so badly i nearly get sick.
i can't do that.
i just need to relax.
just to breathe.
inhale.
exhale.
but its not so involuntary anymore.
its voluntary and my body is saying no.
this isn't the first time i've been rejected.

speaking of rejected.
shall we say the edible?
i think so.
Its going to have to be routine anyways.
come time for fall it will only be school, work, and aulia.
just like old times.
i'll be the best you've ever had.
the best you've ever had.
I think we ALL miss the old times.

xoxo. iloveonlyher. gorgeousface.

so i guess its been a while.
and I never thought i would see the day where I can't even trust my best friend in the same room as my girlfriend.
its sad.
and true.
Everytime I know that she is near her I throw up.
They haven't even done anything and I just wanna go die.
I can't take the stress.
Two relationships have taken their toll on me.
I'm not ready for the third.
The third is always the last.
after the third, no one is really the same anymore.
I swear,
If i lose Aulia.
I lose my life.
And thats just one of those things that just can't be done.

The Rad Bass Line to my So Called Life

what has come around this time
is just like any other.
its sure to fall
fall straight to the floor
landing with a little bounce
to signify the body's final breath
and I'll be the last bit of oxygen
leaving them air-filled lungs.

shoes sprawled on the floor
just like my blood
i gave my heart
now helping the flood
just shut the door
just shut the door

posters thrown across my walls
just like my words
i gave my whole heart
now isn't this absurd?
i'm alone in these halls
i'm alone in these halls

Parents on their couches
excersizing their leisure
friends mom is helping
being brave, having seizures
she loves us kids
and thats what really matters
adults are taking bids
only hoping we get fatter
they hate what they created
they hate what they created

it only really bugged me when she started demanding respect
she couldn't even ask, made this Hell's project
my friends and their families are to protect
me
me
because they love me
because they love me

i didn't think i'd start a revolution
like back in the day
an idea of a solution
it was enough to start
to them its a dellusion
that one day we'll all live peacefully
we'll start slow
we'll carry out carefully
and in the end
we'll all live happily

here's to a night by myself
here's to my effort (for trying)
here's to my 17 years I gave to them
and I'm asking for nothing in return

Currently Listening On Frail Wings of Vanity and Wax By Alesana Apology see related

this is a rad bass line to the song of my life. =)

 so i felt school today was going to be pretty useless...
and it was..
for the 2 hours i was there.
i don't feel good at all.
so i go to the doctor at 1.
did i mention i really don't like doctors?
i just have a nagging fear that something horrible is wrong with me.
--------------------------------------------------
someone makes me smile a whole lot.
like all the freakin time.
=)
and i can't really ever stop thinking about this person.
and I see this person almost everyday.
but I wont get to today.
and that makes me sad.
=(
but i'm going to try.
hopefully i will feel better later.
i miss [them]
-------------------------------------------------
I have a lot of money to put in the bank.
and i'm excited.
=)

Iloveher. xoxo. peace

(+)

So i was having a great day until i just read something.
it kinda makes me wanna throw up.
it kinda makes me [feel] like shit.
it kinda makes me feel like an apathetic asshole.
it kinda makes me wanna scream.
it kinda makes me wanna write.
but i just don't have the (energy).
i never have the {energy} anymore.

"i can't seem to believe that you ever cared for me..."

I swear to this day i will try my hardest not to ever take another drug as long as i live.
its April 30th.
we'll just see how long i live.

Angelina Jolie

Shannyn Sossamon

xoxo.istillloveher.peace