I need to be more accurate

I need to be the best "ME" I can be. Lately, though, I have been messing up on that part.

Like mis-spelling "apologize" and instead writing "apalogize." MAN...

Also being more detail-oriented because that's a very big thing.

Also listening to people more often and what they have to say.

Changing the font from Arial to Times New Roman.

And making sure my appearance is close to perfect since I work on Park Ave. IF I will still work on Park Avenue after today because I have been lacking in the above.

I have to realize that I am NOT a kid anymore, or a teenager. I need to just be a poised, responsible, intelligent human being who knows how to spell "apologize" correctly. And believe ME, after today, "apologize" is burned in my brain!

Also, I need to learn how to address all kinds of people in all kinds of situations. Be they nurses, patients, street vendors, office workers, store owners, sales people, car drivers, professors, hotel personnel, chefs, T.V. personalities, etc, etc.

Learn how to make proper small-talk instead of "Hello, how are you? How has your day been going?" to one of the most prestigious surgeons in NY.

But what am I going to do anyway? I mean I can't complement him on his suit, or his shoes, or his tie or his hair! That would be awkward. And it's not something anybody compliments him unless they are related to him, are friends with him, or have known him for a really long time. All I am saying is that "Hello, how are? How is your day going?" has been overused. If anybody has ANY suggestions on how I can fix this problem, please let me know as I really need your advice!

I need to be poised at all times. And not say "like" or "umm" or "ehh" too much. I am currently trying to strain from those phrases.

Know how to tip in any restaurant. Be it if paying by credit card or cash. KNOW how to tip in that particular restaurant. Did you know that some restaurants take tips right away, and you don't realize that so you ask "What about the tip?" when you're done paying.

Be more attentive.

Do not care about what others think. Especially people who are not in your position. Especially in Brooklyn.

If you have to put make-up on your face and do your hair impecably well, DO IT. Who cares if people stare. They are staring because you don't fit in to "Brooklyn" because you seem too made-up. And what is soo great about Brooklyn anyway? I'd pick an upper-east side High rise anyday instead of a building near gasoline smelling Coney Island.

I noticed that if you dress and look very well, people from Brooklyn tend to act very differently around you than they would if you were just casually dressed. WAY different. Like they look down when you loook at them and don't look again. Like you have some sort of power over them. Also, Mexican people who work there don't hit on you because they think you're part of upper society and you will never be interested in them. HELLO, I am not interested ever.

It's just very different of how people act around you when you are on the Upper East side than when you are back in Brooklyn. People just have way better manners.

Which I need more practice in. So...from now on I am going to be more of those things I need to be, because it's just super important.

And I don't want to lose my job. Oh, God KNOWS I don't want to lose my job. And I can't lose it. Because I need it. And I actually wanted to work there and was really happy.

So just do your job.

It is about time for me to update this thing. Tell you how it's awesome on this side of town. Or not.

So...I see that Kittiya is not enjoying her classes anymore. She told me how she was really content and happy the forst couple of days, but then it catches up to you and you realize that CUNY's suck arse. LIke I was talking to Jessie today and she doesn't like John Jay. Well...she didn't exactly day "I don't like it," but when I mentioned that none of my teachers inspire me she agreed. I want a professor to inspire me. I doubt that a CUNY will able to inspire me---the MIND OF THE FUTURE. The cranium of CHANGE. Noggin of progress. You get the drift, right? My English prof is really brilliant and I KNOW he is because he attended or took some classes at Oxford and many other prestigious UNi's but can't teach. I just know how it's possible for brilliant minds lack the teaching ability. With all of the genious that goes on inside their being it's only fair that they share that with the youth. But that attempt always comes out short. Maybe brilliant people don't want to give their brilliance away. Maybe they don't want to share it because they feel like it's all for them and they're keeping it as part of their way to be above the rest. I don't know.

I miss Panic! at the Disco. They have performed 2 new (yet untitled songs) at their latest show in England at a music fetsival but I have yet to hear them. Their CD is coming out sometime in November or December. Who knows, it might even be pulled farther back. But on the plus side we know for sure that Ryan is NOTTTT Gay! Which makes me feel so happy. He has a girlfriend who's a burlesque-Pussycat doll-like dancer/singer in a girl group. Well...we know they are meant to be beause Ryan is totally in love with the whole burlesque theme. I'd be sooo sad if he were gay because that would just be a waste of man who is really, really talented. I hope he's also a good person.

MORMONS don't have to practice polygomy, girls at THE VIEW. Their discussion today on the show was a ten minute discussion on Mormons and them being notorious for parcticing that lifestyle. Apparently some guy plans to run a Democractic candidate for President and he's a Mormon so they kept wondering if along those months or after a second Mrs. President will pop out of somewhere. It's OK, don't worry. Not ALL mormons practice Polygomy. A big percentage don't. There's a big mormon church in the City (The Mormon Church of Latter Day Saints, I think) and if those people were indeed having five wives and 20 children then I don't think that Church would be around in the city. There would be a lot media attention and protest to such a community in Manhattan (near the MET). And Mormons live in a gated community in Utah, anyway where they are accepted. Apparently, there has been a public outcry in that State to get rid of them and make polygomy illegal. The governor of Utah is also backing that up, so we'll see. And all Mormons don't have to be polygomous because Brendon Urie (lead singe of Panic!) was raised as a Mormon and he has 1 mother. He has since left the strict religious, by the way. Of course, you can't put the two together (being a rockstar with a nice arse and not being able to have sex until you're married. We ALL know he has done it. There are pictures to prove it). Additionally, I have taken History from 1800 to present and we discussed (briefly) the Mormon religion in terms of historical data and nowhere did any infromation nor my very brilliant professor say the Mormons are all living with multiple wives. TAKE THAT the View. Next time just ask me about anything you want before you embarrass yourselves on television. Also, it's not good to judge people or be prejudice before you know facts about them. You can ruin that Democrat Candidate's reputation by making people believe false things about his religion. A lot of people might turn away from their ignorance about religions and people and their lifestyles.

This un-known democratic candidate is running for President and it just makes me wonder WHY do these people run for president when they are virtually un-known and will most likely be over-shadowed by Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton? Why is McCain even in this???? And stop putting Guilliani in a bad light!!!!! Stop assuming he's running for President because of his image after Sept 11 (PERSON OF THE YEAR by TIME magazine by the way for 2001). How did he know if the air was safe or not? It's up to the PEOPLE to use common sense and put the two and two together: DUST EVERYWHERE from a BURNT building, you IDIOTS of course THE AIR WILL NOT BE SAFE!!!!!!!! GAWD. And OK they did hide the fact that asbestos was present when they built it and government covered it up but it would have been safe if the buildings wouldn't have fallen. And who KNEW that would have happened? It's the governments fault for their lack of belief that Bin Ladden would actually live up to his threats. Therefore, don't blame Guilianni for the sickness and diseases of people in result to their exposure of the air from September 11th. Blame the government damn it! So stop f-ing protesting OK? DUST of any sort can call on asthma spells. The man did not know. He was there hours AFTER the towers fell as well as days after he walked the streets and was being interviewed. He is a brave man and knew what to do for his city.so SHUT THE f-up and give him some breathing room, please! It's not his fault you're blaming him and not taking all sorts of other things into account. YOu should have exppected some sort of health problems after the dust if you were anywhere near the towers that day, dust of any  kind is not good. I'm not telling you to stop talking about this. I am, however, telling you not to blame it on just ONE sole person.

The TOWERS were built even BEFORE Guilianni became Mayor-- decade or two before! Hewasn't the one who SPRINKLED the place with asbestos and made the people sick. He did now know. He probably found that out later that the two buildings were buit that way but didn't speak up because he did not want the government to be bashed for even more things than it had alreday been bashed for, ie. the lack of awareness about Bin Ladden's plans. DUH.

I love the Today show. I love Matt Lauer. I don't know who I want to be like: Mathh Lauer or High Laurie. They're both sooo f-ing brilliant it boggles my brain.

I love the Hills. I really like Newport Harbor.

Why is the new songs by the Click Five-Jenny-have all asian girls in it? And, are they in Japan???? It's sooo computerized. I don't understand what Japanese girls have to do with the Click Five. Why is Jenny Japanese? You should go watch the video on Youtube if you haven't seen it yet. Then come back and answer my question(s). Also, why did the Click Five have a new lead singer and the previous lead singer is playing the drums instead? Did ya get tired of singing Mr. Previous singer. I am sorry, I don't know your name.

I want to eat Starwberry yogurt. I've been contemplating that for a couple of hours an di Have yet to do that. I even put it out to warm and then put it back in the fridge to cool some but have not taken it out yet. When it's cold it's not creamy. I should go and eat it now before it becomes solid again.

Also, I am over Patrick "Pretty Boy" Phillips after he lost a lot of weigtht for his modeling gig. He looks anorexic now, but I DID see him eating a sandwich at a cafe near school. AHH WELL. I hope he's gonna be OK with all the weight he lost. But I don't liek him anymore, for some reason. Maybe it's because nothing has worked out. And I am tired chasing after and putting my thoughts into someone who's just not answering my telepathic call, ya know? It feels good to be over him too. I am pretty sure that when I'll see him (if I do because his classes are all in the evenings, anyway) I won't even be feeling hot or attracted. Good for you, darling, good for you!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! HOPING YOU YEAR IS GOING TO BE SWEET, CALM, COLLECTED, FULL OF WONDERFUL MEMORIES, HAPPINESS, AND HEALTH OF GREAT PROPORTIONS!

XOXO

We don't live here anymore...

Amongst the really interesting book names that I have come across and made me want to pick up the book and read it (although, I must admit I have failed miserably as I haven't done just that) I thought I'd list the 3 here that you might want to pick up just for the sake of finding out what the title actually means:

1) We don't live here anymore: Who are WE? And why don't they live HERE because they MUST live there since they ARE there in the present.

2) There are no children here: was made into a movie with my idol OPRAH, of course, and I have watched it sometmes when it is on Oh! Oxygen. It's pretty good about a mother and her children who must grow up in their childhood because of their living circumstances. Ms. Oprah is soo freaking good in that role. I am sometimes sad--she left the movie business to focus on journalism and her show. Well...can't say it was a bad move, ya know? <3

3) Conversations with myself: I can relate. O have had conversations with myself quite often recently. Mostly telling myself to change. To be different. And to get over it. And to dress differently because I pick out boring things. And when things are "Too expensive" even if they're not, I talk myself out of buying it. Even though H&M ain't gonna give me the same effect as say...BCBG. I LUVVVVV that store!!!!!! Did you NOT see the clothing? WOW.

I am also having conversations with myself about the following:

1) Traveling. I have quite a few opprotunities but am either too chicken or can't decide. Or...if I DOOO go I will need sooo much stuff to make that transition that I will spend most of my money and not have any left, really. Sort of. But then another part says FORGET the little things. GO and have a good time. UGHH why is it soo complicated? Because I make it like that, that's why!

2) I need to be more gutsy. YES. Vera, get yer gun!

3) There are no decent men here. All of them are in Europe. I have realized that. I mean that one dude I met at my previous job from England was AMAZINGLY gorgeous, sweet, and kind, and awesome, great! And he was soo nice. We would have talked more but he was with his friend and he made him leave. :( We had stuff in common too. Mainly, England...and the weather in England...it's a start right?

4) There are no decent men here.

5) I feel like buying my dream pair of pants: Rock and Republic. Retail Value: WHO CARES! Even if I can't afford it--well I CAN but I will feel bad, anyway--it's worth having your butt look mighty, mighty fine!

6) PBP has left the building. Not my brain though. He has taken a permanent residence and just won't leave. And I gave him up for one week. And absoluetly nothing exciting has happened. Other than weird things...like...aww man...I am not even talking about it on here in case this blog will be discovered or something. WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS? I just hope I don't drool over myself when I see him in a couple of days...

7) I'm not even going there.

8) The Hills is soooooo freaking addicting. Make me stop watching it! Seriously, I actually watched the season premiere tonight. I need help. I do love Lauren's face when it has anything to do with Heidi or Audrina's boyfriend. It's this spaced look that shows that she's really thinking hard. WOW. I hope I don't look like that.

9) The spin-off from The HILLS and LAGUNA BEACH: Newport Harbor...I always thought New Port was in Florida...ahh well..."Daddy, do I have your American Express?" "Yes," "Does it still work?"  I" think so. Do you want to take my platinum?" ROTFL. Ahhh, honey, one day you wil figure out that your boy problems are so minisquile to the rest of the world that it won't even matter that Chase doesn't even like you anymore. Or, maybe not. :/

10) The are no decent men around here. The men are in Europe.

AWW man...God?

Well...

I thought I was over it.

I thought I was not going to stress over it or to think about him.

But I still do.

Man. WHY is it that when I like someone I like them a lot?

Why is it that when I fall, I fall hard? I don't get it. I see girls liking a guy and being all happy, but they doon't really like them. They don't care. Of course there are the total different girls who like every single guy they go out with but then get diasppointed.

I don't know, but here's just a hint that maybe she should NOT be head over heels over everyone of them

And you'd think she would have known this by now. Or figured it out and been wise about it.

I don't know. Maybe there's this thing that comes with being in love with someone.

And I mean REALLY in love with someone. Where you don't care how many times you fall in love, but you love the feeling so much that you want it with someone else...anyone else...that it doesn't really matter. You're willing to have your heart broken as many times as ncessary until you fall in love for real.

I don't fall for many. The only people I ever liked were just 2 including him. And I don't mean like him like I have a crush (should I even USE that term anymore? Crush? That sounds Middle school-ish, ya know?) But I REALLY like the boy. Man. Guy. Whatever! I like you PATRICK PHILLIPS and all that has to do with you.

And it's about time I get to be with someone like him.

It's no fun being alone and pretending you're totally fine and being all happy for your friend. Which I TOTALLY am bacuse that's awesome she found someone like that and I wish everyone would fall in love and I mean REAL love so they can stp killing people, stop hating, erase the bad and focus on the good side of themselves. I am FED up with people hating in this world.  People need people and I need him and not for a stupid reason. Or I need him to forget about this crazy world and just be with him. Happy. At last. It's about time I get someone like him..

STUPID!!!!!!

UGHHHHH Stupid PBP!!!!!!

With his stupid:

EYES

LIPS

HAIR

VOICE

SONGS

HEIGHT

GUITAR

MISSOURI

SMILE

EVERYTHING!!!!

STUPID STUPID STUPID

I didn't know it was possible for me to get butterflies when I think about him.

But I do.

OHH this is sooooooooo stupid.

ANd that stupid song makes me think about him when I see it/hear it.

I was right though, that they were gonna break up.

She broke his heart.

Well, I KNEW it.

She just couldn't be with someone like him.

But he is just what I am looking for and have been for a long time. I think. I HOPE that.

God, please. PLEASE, God please :)

So now he's moping around like I have bene moping around before when I found out they were together.

So now he's going around the internet telling girls they are pretty.

OHH man.

God, he is everything, everything that I wanted.

Seriously.

Musician, athlete, tall, cute, has nice hair, nice style, nice voice and one look at him tell me how perfect he is can I just have someone like him just once? JUST THIS ONCE? I don't get it. I don't even care if it's for a month or something. I just want to know what it's like to be with him. See him smile at me and laugh with me, and hear his voice when I'm with him. And to him just stand next to me for a while. I don't know. It doesn't seem like it should be hard for us to be together.

Maybe we're not supposed to be together but why did I notice him then on that website and he was stuck in my minds? Why did I see him a week after that time and realize it was him? WHY WHY WHY would be also recognize me around college? We are among thousands of people at Hunter and that's what happened. It can't all mean nothing and only be in my head. Maybe it is. I just want the boy.

I just want him. For a little while or a lot.

I think that something that gives you butterfies in your stomach whenever you think about him is worth it.

I haven't felt butterflies in a really long time since High School. I think I forgot what it even feels like until him. &hearts;

God, please? :)