Ok, so when I started this thing, I planned to use it as a place to tell the interesting... and sometimes not so interesting... stories that happen. I've since realized that it is much more beneficial as a form for putting some of my thoughts down on paper.  Of course, depending on who you are, some of my ramblings have slightly more or less significance, as much of what I like to talk about pertains to issues that I or my friends are currently dealing with.

Ok, so... I was drinking last night with my buddies, and we just hanging out, talking about random things: girlfriends (or lack thereof), the social scene at Brown and Providence in general.  So this is what I came out of the night with:

1)  My buddy's girlfriend is a great girl.  She's funny, smart and attractive.  He is infatuated with her.  Which is great.  When they started going out, he was a happy as could be.  It seemed like it was one of those random pairings where three weeks into the relationship, you feel like you've known then for years.

And then the bullshit started.  They would still see each other during the week, but for some reason she would never seem to want to come over on the weekend.  My buddy would make plans, and then she'd be like "Oh I already made plans with my girls." and so my buddy would say well how about Sat (originally planned for Fri)? And she'd be like I made plans for that night too.  So you know, once, whatever, twice, ok... but consistently? there is something going on there.  Granted, I don't know all the details, but based on what my buddy has told me it seems like she's putting him second to her other shit, whatever that may be.  It just seems to be a never ending chain of her not showing any interest.  He'll buy her gifts and she won't take any of them home with her, stuff like that.

I don't understand.  You meet someone nice, you have a great time, and then they start to play games.  I don't know if it's just me, or if I'm deluding myself, but I can't stand playing games.  I've always believed that upfront honesty and communication is the best thing ever.  Instead of playing these games and such, why can't you just say "Look, I really like you, but I think we're going a little to fast and I need some space.  That's why I'm not going to see you tonight (or this weekend, whatever)."  Instead you start to make excuses: "I'm tired", "I gotta get up early", so on and so forth.

But who knows why?  At this point it may not even matter, because "the game" is so deeply embedded in our social rituals and patterns that we can't get out of it.  When guys go out, the talk about "dropping game" (aka hitting a girl)... a guy breaks up with his girl of say 2 years what does he say?  "I've been out of the game for so long, I hardly remember how to play."

So in the end, I have only one thing to say about that situation.  I wouldn't put up with that much bullshit.  But then again, it's easier to say than do.  And I have yet to find myself in a situation with the same degree of difficulty as my friend finds himself.  I know you're going to read this, so just remember you've always got someone to bounce ideas off of when you need to.

2) After that conversation, eventually we decided to go out.  But where to?  We were being lazy and we didn't want to walk down to South Main St.  Nothing on Thayer St. interests us anymore.  In the end, I got a little stir crazy and convinced my friend to go Kartabar with me.  Kartabar is interesting place.  I like going there for two reasons: first, they play good music, and second there are rarely any Brown students there.  Kartabar has a nice interior, and it has a very classy ambiance.  Unfortunately, the people that go there aren't really classy.  Oh, they may look classy, but in all reality it's just a "facade of classiness".  Most of guys seem to be stereotypical guido thug: too much grease and too little brain.  The girls there are attractive for the most part (especially the wait staff), but they always seem to be lacking something intangible, and I can't put my finger on it.  The worst part is that I seem to sense this lack before I even talk to them.  I'll see an attractive girl and admire her, but for some reason, none of them truely seem to grab my attention and hold it.

So that was discussion number two.  Conclusion: Providence, and especially Brown, needs a new social scene.  Either that or we need to stop being so lazy and go to other bars.

I could go on for hours about other shit that I want to talk about, but I've got some other stuff to do, so that's enough for now.

Peace

Wow... two posts in a weekend... I'm only posting because I recently had some insight in the stupid games people play. (This has nothing to do with romantic relationships or sex actually)

So anyway, I have these two friends (called friend 1 and friend 2) that live together off-campus (plus one additional roommate).  1 is graduating and 2 is renewing the lease with a couple of other guys.  So of course, there is this issue of summer sublets.  As of yesterday, there was one room available in the apartment for the summer, with 2 and a different friend (not one of the guys living there next year) subletting the second room.

So friend 1 is getting ready to move out to Cali for his job, but until things get organized properly, he's going to stay in Providence.  So we were hanging out last night and 1 asked 2 about subleting the final room for the summer.  Pretty straight forward you'd think right?  I'd say there are only two responses: "Sure no problem, I'll clear it with so-and-so (who is on the official lease) and you should be fine."  or  "Can't dude, already rented it to someone else."  Pretty easy right? WRONG!

Friend 2 started putting up some bullshit about a "conditional lease" (mind you that it doesn't exist) and then bullshit about whether or not friend 1 was even going to stay the whole summer although friend 1 agreed to pay the full rent regardless of whether or not he was there.  Next 2 started some shit about "Lets just talk about it tomorrow" and blatantly tried to change the subject.  Finally 2 was like "Can't just say yes, I don't want to make autonomous desicions about the apartment. I have to ask so-and-so (other names on the lease)".

I mean wtf is that?  I don't know about anyone else, but as far as I'm concerned, if one of your friends comes to ask you a favor that is easily within your grasp, you just say yes.  There's no question there.  It almost seemed as if 2 was putting on a power trip or something. Maybe he wanted to show that he had the power over the apartment and 1 was dependent upon him.  Maybe he just likes playing games with his "friends". Who the fuck knows? It's just fucked up.

So anyway, I just wanted to talk about that a little.  It may not make sense to anyone out there, but I can't stand it when people claim to be "your boy" or say "your my boy" and then pull shit like that.  It's totally fucked.  True friends are the ones that you can depend upon at any time, and while I've always known them to be rare, it seems that they just get harder and harder to find. 

Finally... This Hellish week is over... I think I set a record (definitely a personal record) for time in the lab (I averaged about 10 hrs a day this week).  I had one lab due thurs, which I finished Tues night at like 4 am.  Then I had a measly 6 hours of sleep until I started my next lab which was due today.  Now I have a whole weekend before I have to do more lab work!! Whereupon I will probably continue to live in the lab next week as well.

Anyway, that was me bitching about class.  So I've continued to ponder life... although it mostly seems like I continue to think about sex and relationships, although those of you who spend enough time with me will not be surprised.  So anyway this weeks discussion...

I've recently realized that I have no closing drive with women anymore.  I definitely ogle them at the first opportunity (sometimes whether or not it's obvious) and I still have that instinctive action of flirting with girls that I find mildly attractive.  The problem is that I don't care about whether or not they will give me their phone number at the end of the night.  I don't even ask anymore.  Last night I talked to this girl for like an hour and a half.  She was really cool.  Not only did she have red hair which I love, but her birthday is the same as mine!  I've only met one other person with the same birthday as me and that was cousin of mine (by marriage, not blood).  But anyway, the end of the night came and I finished my drink told her (sincerely cause it's true) that it was nice to talk to her and walked out with my friends.  I don't even know if I'm ever going to see her again (although I would like to).

What makes this even more interesting is that if you compare this with my freshman year you couldn't find more opposites anywhere else.  Freshman year I would ask girls for they're phone number if I had any sort of conversation with them... I soon realized that a phone number didn't mean jack, but that's what I did.  Of course, some people might say that it has to do with how much play you're getting at the time, compared to freshman year I'm a fucking movie star, but I don't agree.  I think there is something significantly different in my view of social interactions when compared with freshman year.

Is it a good difference or a bad difference? Some would say good because now I don't compulsively ask for phone numbers to increase my self-esteem, but others would say bad because I'm passing up opportunities by not asking for some of the phone numbers.  Who's correct? I'll let you be the judge on that one.

So anyway, that's my rant for today... I'm now off to a relaxing Easter Weekend!

Peace

So... I have now been 21 for 16 days, and I've only been carded three times... twice at the GCB and once when I was out to dinner in Seekonk, MA.  In this time, I've purchased alcohol at a liquor twice and been absolutely trashed at least 8 days (5 of those were in the first week I was 21).

Can anyone explain this?  I used to get carded all the time when I had to use my fake, but now that I don't, it's almost as if I give off some sort of 21+ vibe.  Whatever, I guess it doesn't really matter.

Onto other things...

I don't know what it is about Spring, but it seems like I do most of my heavy, soul-searching type thinking during the spring.  Just the other day I was thinking about the relationships I've formed at Brown, romantic and otherwise.  I came to some interesting conclusions.

1)  Most of my really good friendships started out with me not wanting to talk to the person at all.  Why is that? Is there something about beginning a relationship with dislike that makes you feel stronger about it when you realize that you actually do like the person?

2)  Most of my romantic relationships have been seriously unfulfilling (emotionally at least)...  I don't know if it's because one or both of us is stuck in the college mentality of sex (i.e. have lots of it... which certainly isn't happening for me), or if it's just because everyone here at Brown (myself included I think) is just too involved with themselves and their studies to devote energy to a truely fulfilling relationship.

3)  I've decided that "friends with benefits", while fun and very cool, is not really what I want anymore.  "No strings sex/hook-ups" is definitely what I wanted at one point, but now I think that I need something more... but where to find it?  That one has got me... All of the girls that I've gotten to know well enough to determine that I'd like to truely date them seem to be already involved... Which makes you wonder why I can't seem to meet any really good/nice single girls?  Don't know the answer to that one either.

4) So basically that leaves me with no hope for romantic relationships in college.  I think I'm just going to give up...

Ok so most of my heavy thinking was about sex or sex-related... what do you expect? I'm not a fricking philosopher.

So anyway now it's back to the lab...

PS I apologize for that last post... it was really shit...

So My 21st has come and gone, and I had an interesting night out with some semi-random people... and although we didn't think that we knew each other when the night began, it turned out that we had met the very first week of freshman year!

How ironic.