This is the song that I've been singing the entire week...and the Jayne song too...but this one keeps going round and round...perhaps cause this song is true for me.

While I've technically already posted, this is suppose to be my morning post for the day...started thinking about cars and then...well...it was all downhill from there.  Fortunately, I had already had written my post.

This morning, I am trning over  a new leaf (yes another one), but as a recent Obama letter a friend got said on the envelope, "This time things will be different"...so something to that fact.  The point is, I believe things really will be different this time because of one simply fact...I believe it. I've said many times about turning corners, going through thresholds, only to find myself at the same place I was before, because I did not believe it enough. 

What has changed?  What was different from then and now? 

Clarity.  Facing Reality as it exists, not as you would have it to be which leads to clarity, and then finally saying "yes" this is it. 

Sometimes, what you're looking for is staring you in the face the entire time you're looking, and you even see it, but perhaps there is something about that particular thing that you don't like so true to form you seek to find an easier way.  All easy ways leads to destruction.  There is no street named Easy Street.  And that Staples button is merely that...a button.

Last night I spend the evening with my brother, father and grandmother.  It was good.  I missed being around my family and my dad expressed a similair thought.  For the first time in nearly 20 years, or so, all of us are in the same area.  Relationships aren't better,  but the possibility remains.  And there is hope.  While I only wanted to stay and visit with my dad and grandmother for a little while we (my brother and I) ended up staying to just past 11pm.  It was a pleasant visit and I'm glad we stayed.

Of course, as has been the deal with my Grandmother since my seperation and subsequent divorce, she wanted to know how I was doing and talked about it.   I admited the lessons learned in how I handled the deterioration of my marriage and she thought that some cirumstances should have been better.  I agreed,  of course, for grandmothers are always right.  On a side note I still can't believe she's turning 80 this year and looks not a day over 65.   We also discussed my present dilemma that I've been facing with my lack of focus.  Bacially she told me after we talked that I know what I need to do but am either too lazy or impatient to do it.  And my response?  "Yes, Grandmother."

My dad of course, looked on and nodded.  Sad part was that I couldnt' have this discussion with him, without being ridiculed (in a fun-loving way that I never took seriously or offended by) by something I've said.  I'm not mad or upset or even conscerned, for I know by now that he's not able to, for that's not the level where he lives...and I'm alright with that.

So, as I drove home, I began to think of the things I need to get rid of that would be keeping me from my goals.  One of them is a relationship with a significant other. 

I'm not giving up on women, God forbid that I have to spend the rest of my days alone, but for now, a relationship would only be a distraction.  As Delmar from O Brother Where Art Thou, "I got to get the family farm back before I can think about that."  Having exited a marriage and then a short but intense relationship that ended in a way that both of us did not want, I do not think I could emotionally sustain one anyway.  Besides...I know that the next one will be judge in comparison to the previous two, which is unfair, but these two women were...phenonmenal.  So, call it short-term celibacy, for the intent to bring all things under the submission of this one purpose, this doesn't rule out forming friendships...but that's it, until I have accomplish that one thing.

That means, body, mind, spirit, and resources.

This one thing...one thing above all others... we all have our one thing.  Mine has been like an illusive unicorn.  I don't know about your unicorn, but mine is a full of deciet and mischief.  That red-maned, emerald eyed, pale monocerus seemed to taught me with every glance.  However, I will one day capture this mythical beast and perhaps the virgin that has tamed it ::smirks::

Okay...seriously though.  everybody. you have your one thing. I don't know what it is...but I do now mine.

And surprise surprise...

It really is... one thing.

Have a great day!