VtKoala's Xanga

Awesomeness

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 05:54:23 GMT

Manngg... my sleep schedule is now inconsistant. The sleep is still there, the schedule is inexistent.

I went to the beach the other day. I believe saturday and went swimming like a whale, aka body surfing. IT clogged my ears with water for half a day. I don't know why, but for the following two days after the beach, i had clear water coming out my nose and ears, xP at random times. it wasnt frequent, just random.

im soo hungry.. i ate a bowl of rice today.. thats about it xP i feel like piggin out tommorow

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mon, 12 May 2008 06:14:43 GMT

Who wants a friend that comes only when he is in grievance? What kind of friend treats his friends as consultants more than companions? Can you call him a friend if he comes to you in time of need, and ignores you in times of joy? Is a friend still a friend when he exploits your generosity?

I feel as if that friend has been ME. The nature of my attitude is derived from primarily my mistakes. I ended up deliberately stating something better left unnoted. I know everyone have these unpleasant, immoral thoughts. Most of which are forbbiden to surface. It's a natural human tendency to be curious and thoughtful. This is some of many things that make us imperfect, and I'm soo very flawed. =X I made mistakes as every human does, but I regrettably made too many this year. I can't help but feel this way when the one person that's been there during my times of distress has just scolded me for what I said. This year really hasn't been a good year.

Mother's day was yesterday, and it started off with my realizing how inconsiderate I was that morning. It was my mother's work free day. I offered a nice shirt for my brother to wear, and mommy ironed it. I fed the dog some food, and she walked it in the park. I offered her a cookie that my sister had baked, and she served me dinner that she had cooked. So I missed my chances. Through the roughest times, of misery missouri, hell alaska, grieving georgia, etc, I has a close friend of 5 years to lean on for support. As soon as the weight shifted, the support I held instantly snapped. I'm calling to fix it, and giving it some time. I need to rebuild a structure, strong enough to hold you and me. So I have failed myself. My bestfriend of life have been neglected because of my self-ineffeciency. Our method of communication is Facebook and Text Messages. Its like reading of each others life. We both acknowledge eachother's friendship and share stories without any participation in each others lives. So I disappointed you.

My pessimism exist here, and here is where my mind meets my soul.

I usually never eat at Baskin Robins, but a few days ago it offered 31cent IceCreams. I must say, their flavors are amazing. Normally, lactose based icecream would bloat me before it satisfy my hunger. B.R.31 Did satisfied my hunger and somehow made me crave for more. I met this hilarious man outside the shop of the store who had 8 kids. He jokingly offered me two of his son, the oldest ones. So I jokingly accept his offer. Now I'm jokingly a father of two child whose name I don't know and haven't since that day. I jokingly cant wait for Fathers Day!

I saw a few movies. I watched Ironman 2 days ago. Its the first movie I have been excited about seeing this year. I'm quite dissapointed in the entertainment industries since the writer strike. I hope they pick up soon. Harold and Kumar is not a bad movie either you should see it. When I went to see it, my sense of laughter was extremely ticklish. I couldn't stop laughing in the movie for the life of me.

It's been a long time since I drank any alcohol. It was a days ago i went LA googooclub night. That was pretty awesome, some friends were in it, so I came for support. Normally the guy buys drinks for a girl, but I was being spoiled.. which was great, except that, I had to drive back home. I didn't really plan to drink. Dancing is always fun. I feel like the dance floor is the one and only place you can blindly move with no concern for embarrassment or mental stress. and this statement holds more than true for some of the dancers I see out there. xD heh.

~koala

Those who matter don't care, those who care don't matter

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 03:27:20 GMT

In every bond, one person leads the other follows; one person reigns and the other submits. I am now the latter because of my exhaust efforts from this unrequited battle. I've been lost with words lately. I have grown accustom to being speechless fighting a futile battle. So now I 'submit', and I take with it my right of the first amendment.

It's simply really, people would like to talk all the time if it wasn't for the lack of confidence in association with others. With that barrier aside, it'll be endless babbles and chitchat. I don't really mind that too much, but when it becomes an obligation to lend an ear, it becomes an annoyance. The annoyance becomes unbearable when the babbles become rants and the primary issue is repetitive. This is how I feel and why I choose to wave my rights.

Having an ability is no more a gift than it is a burden. it's funny how true opposites can't exist without the other. I may not be extraordinary, but I have an ability to reason. The burden that exist is the frustration relevant to another's lack of reason. Would you believe me if I said sanity is an ability? Sanity's burden consumes my soul. I will be different.

I'm telling you this because sometime's the inability to reason is an entity that exist to leech on my sanity. My right to speak, my ability to reason doesn't make a difference on someone's inability to understand. Yelling at a tree won't falter it (unless the wavelengths in my voice harmonizes with the frequency of that tree for a long period of time, but thats beside the point). It only feeds the fire, teaching it rage...

....my one and only extinguisher is my submission.

Submission to a fire that burns at my side. A fire that has the most negative influences on my actions. The fire has already consumed all the emotional support I have held dear. It has climbed to the top of my morals and working its way down... and I'm trapped without an exit. I sit idly by drawing an escape route, sadly it's with someone who have crushed me yearss past.

~koala

p.s. sorry for its vagueness.. its only to mask the meaning or become incomprehensive to someone.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 21:49:31 GMT