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| In searching for one's sanity, one must know the truth. In searching for peace, one most rid themselves of all passions. In searching for lost hope, one must know where rational lies.
We can chose what we want to do, where we want to live, and who we want to be with. We have the power to make sound decisions- decisions that will forever affect us in the game of life. However...destiny will always be something beyond our reach. What we ultimately do...where we ultimately live...and who we ultimately end up with is perhaps governed by chance and fate. Once you cast your die, the number you ultimately end up with...is a number completed and assigned by destiny. In a sense, we can make simple sketches, outlines, and drawings...but we may never give true color to a painting.
A sad and negative way to view life, but sadly, in some sick, twisted way...it holds true. We may not have the chance to do the things we want done or live where we want to live...or have who we want to love. But we can most certainly pray for the best...and put our hearts and confidence in God...that even if you don't end up with what you think is best for you- God is looking out for you...and He does have a plan for everyone.
Cast your die...
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| How many times
Did you miss your chance to let them know
Silence goes unnoticed
But is it worth the price you owe
They prob'ly understood
They prob'ly knew anyway
Now how is your conscience
Cuz you couldn't find the words to say
Take a chance, you never know what might happen. ~ Tom Chavez
Appreciating the simplicity of these words, I can't help but question my own faithfulness towards this principle. Reflecting upon opportunities passed, on chances left untouched, and of the burden that remains, never once have I ever fully allowed anyone to know my true thoughts and of the secrets that I've learned to keep to myself.
Time after time, incident after incident, I thought I'd change my ways to end my childishness; but time after time, I've failed. I guess it¡¦s a wall that I've built throughout the years. Perhaps I'm afraid of the opinions of others; perhaps I'm afraid of some kind of rejection or disapproval; or perhaps I'm afraid of some unwanted ending. Whatever it is, opening myself to others, in my twisted way of thinking, would allow others to see my vulnerability.
This summer was a rude awakening, a real slap to the face for my stupidity and ignorance. After realizing just how precious time is and life is I've stepped out of usual self and took a chance. Regret is the worst feeling. Most people regret what has happened or what they've gone through my regrets spawn from what remains unsaid and undone. Time will never repeat itself; and opportunities ignored may never re-surface.
The likelihood of me ever being able to have that time back deems improbable, but a lesson here is well learned.
It's not easy and at times, it's a real bitch. But Tom's right. Silence does go unnoticed. So do yourself a favor and go for it- take a chance | | |
| New shoes, new clothes, chocolates, cakes...whatever it is that makes your world turn. Why is it that we only pamper ourselves with such materialistic things at certain low points of our lives? When we're depressed or down or lonely or even bored. Is it because of our temporary state of insanity that drives such behaviors? To your disbelief, that theory may not be too far fetched. In this context, compulsive eating and compulsive shopping is not an addiction nor is it a product of our lack of discipline. Rather it is a direct result of our need of some level of emotional support. When there isn't a shoulder to lean on, when there are times when we just want to be left alone, we rely on these materialistic things to "make ourselves feel better." Psychologically speaking, it's about having what we want- to satisfy some desire or pleasure or "need" without the guilt of acquiring such things. It's all about not having to care. Under normal conditions and circumstances, when we are able to think rationally, the decisions that we make are guided by our own expectations, our own definition of what is appropriate. It's guided by the criticisms of society and its definition of what is acceptable. And when we go all out, we disregard all that. Eating, shopping...whatever it is that our heart desires...it is done in a way where we are offering and trading in materialism as a temporary relief from our difficulties and in a sort of twisted and subliminal/subconscious way of giving ourselves some psychological/emotional support- even though doing so will not solve anything. It may even set off a stream of negative behaviors/actions. When we are at such an unstable state of mind, we throw out the rule book, we disregard what our conscience is saying. We (for the time being) just stop caring. We free ourselves from the limitations that we have set for ourselves; we cross the lines that we drew ourselves; and we break the wall that we have spent our whole life building. We set new guidelines and new principles...principles governed by what is simple and convenient rather than what is valued and disciplined. These substitute our decision process. Not caring is a liberal feeling; and I realize that people approach this kind of emotional liberation differently. Some eat, some shop...where they don't hurt anyone else (besides their diet and credit card). Others go off the deep end where they leave more permenant damage to not only themselves, but to others around them. I am not making any excuses for those who chose that path, nor am I justifying it in any way. Rather I am simply ackowledging and recognizing that there is a reason for every wrong doing. These motives stem from unclear thoughts, unspoken fears, and unsolved problems. They may seem tough on the outside and perhaps a little rough along the edges; they may act strong or difficult or stubborn but in reality, what they need most is just a friend, a confidant...someone not necessarily there to solve all their problems, but just someone who cares enough to listen. They may not realize it themselves, but when they do, I know that you'll be there for them. Have faith and understand that even though their approach and method of coping with an issue may be wrong, they are not bad people- just a little lost. So just be patient and understand that it will only be a matter of time until they are able to find their true selves again... | | |
| My sisters and I indulged ourselves with some freebies at a neighbor's yard sale a couple days ago. I guess it's as the saying goes, "one person's trash is another's treasure." But what we found that really caught our eyes weren't’t valuable trinkets or anything of the sort; it was our high school year book- one dated 1952, the other 1954. Even though the books held neither significant importance nor any sentimental bearing, it raised curiosity and fascination. Flipping through the delicate pages we were ecstatic to find pictures of how our high school used to be; and we quickly found ourselves in acquaintance with its students and of its culture. It was a chilling experience, but at the same time, we found it to be equally exhilarating and intriguing. Like scenes from a movie, it was mind boggling to recognize and accept that this was life as we know it some 50 years ago at the very same school we set foot in. To us, the faces that filled each page were almost ghostlike; an apparition that reflected and replaced the students of today. The timewarp-like experience although momentary and provisional, was well received. For what we did catch a glimpse of, we recognized; with what we did observe, we comprehended; and among things discriminated, we learned and appreciated.
It was amazing to see how certain things have progressed and revolutionized. Relieved and extremely thankful for those particulars, we found ourselves comforted and grateful of what modernization brought. Naturally, for what we did improve in certain areas, we've weakened in others. That's just how life goes. However we were not nearly as astonished at the degree and magnitude of our advancements as we were towards our regression. Over the years, we've somehow diminished some of our best defining assets. What happened to the symmetry of change? Why and how is it that we've come to encompass more of what is negative and detrimental than we have incorporated and facilitated of what is more profound? One may theorize and conclude that the relationship between time and progress is linear. So where is its correlation?
This isn't simply and straightforwardly about the changes that took place at my high school. It goes further beyond that. The idea is symbolic of all that encompasses us today. Everything, everyone in every place is affected by the revolution of time and its cycle of change. Take CHHS and put it on a much larger, much grander scale. In doing so, one may observe many parallelisms.
With the "new" books now sitting on our shelf along with its descendents, it was humorous to note the span of 50 years that separated the two volumes. Despite its outsider look, it is a subtle reminder of what was left passing, changed, and lost... | | |
| Tradition. Why follow it? For some, it serves as a limitation to new ideas; it constricts one's ability to think liberally and openly and acts as a barrier against progression. It eliminates the need for innovation and originality; it eradicates one's opinion, judgment, beliefs, feelings, and views. When we allow yesterday's standards and customs bypass today's ideology and creed, we are restricting our own voice, our own will to think freely. Time is revolutionary; it is constantly changing. Its difference deserves an entirely new way of thinking, involving a whole new level of embracing diversity.
On another note, others view tradition as an art form. It is symbolic of who we are and acts as a constant reminder of our past and of our origins. It preserves faith, conviction, and value. It serves as a system of principle, a reliving of what is appreciated and respected. Without it, where would we be? The philosophy and beliefs of yesterday may be old, but it is also well established and far more advanced and stable than any new ideology that we may come across today. Tradition is more than a simple act; it is a celebration, a remembrance, a preservation of what is fundamental.
On my part, I'm proud that I was raised with a traditional concept. But what about you? Should we disregard its purpose, or should we embrace it- before our very being is long forgotten... | | |
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