Exams are over & so is graduation.  Yesterday was filled with sun & white & people dressed up.  Yesterday afternoon was sad, driving alone to empty hiphop music on my way to her house while she finished dinner with her family.  Last night was a flop - Peter's not-so-surprise-afterall party was interesting and funny at points, but certainly a little awkward.  And I ate two and a half pieces of pizza and later felt like crap.  Then driving 45 minutes to Lindsay's - where I felt more awkward and out of place than ever amongst over a grand worth of pot, Budweiser, and lots of superficial teenagers crammed into a garage that blasted some kind of music.  She and I had decided at the start of the evening that we didn't want to get fucked up and would be the DDs for our three friends.  One of them drank too much and we all spent the latter half of the evening calming her down in the bushes and she battled hyperventilating and tingling palms before she threw up three times..and then once more in the car on the way home...and again this morning.  She & I passed out around 3 or 3:30 this morning and were up eating breakfast by 9.  Haven't done much today except buy a present for our Bolivian host family and a pair of shorts for our trip each.  Tonight we have plans with three friends: Mexican food and a rented movie in Concord.  Tomorrow I'm spending time with David, Monday is packing & then we leave that evening.  I'm nervous - but extremely excited.  Been practicing my spanish: no hablo espanol, estoy perdido, tengo hombre.  In fact, that's about as much as I know.

DInner soon, thank you cards to write, eyeliner to put on...

::dyke::

Friday.

2 weeks, 16 classes, 1 test, 1 paper, 1 oral presentation, 1 CD of recording mixes, 3 calc tutoring sessions, 3 exams.  I'm almost there - but it's still a long way.  I have so much work to do today, but all I can effectively do is procrastinate.  I'm 3 pages into my final seminar paper...and I have about 2 more to go.  It's tough going.

Been raining for a fuckin week...supposed to keep going for a couple more days.  Lauren & I are bugging out - going insane.  We've plans for going out to dinner tonight.

Gotta work. Fuck.

4 hours of shopping at a huge outlet mall... I got super fucking cranky.  I hate shopping anyway...let alone for white dress clothes for graduation...and then feeling fat & disgusting on top of that...and having to spend a lot of money... I had a pretty shitty day.  I turned into a monster and I know I upset Lauren... (I think I might scared & hurt her a little too).  It was pretty awful.  I feel like fucking shit.  I think I want to crawl into a hole & die.  Now she's getting all dressed up in new clothes she bought, looking at cute & sexy..and I'm in my PJs feeling like I want to curl up and cry until I die of dehydration..or something.

Parents come home tonight as well.  Oh, today's been great.

::dyke::

Aww, now isn't that cute?