well it's been an uber long time since i last updated but i guess it really doesn't matter since not that many people come here anyways. anyways, school is finally over and i really wish that i could do my junior year all over again,  however, summer school is just around the corner and i can't wait for that to be over.

anyways, for those of you who are probably wondering how im doing personally, i guess i would have to say ok. by the way im also way over erica and i now have a new crush. i really don't know if i should tell anybody the name of my crush right now because im afraid that she might find out and our friendship will be all over. i honestly don't think i have any chance with this person because she is way out of my league. my family life has also been ok lately, however, i really do wish that my love life would change. i hate being lonely and not having someone to tell "i love you" and ending my sentence with a short kiss or maybe a long passionate one.

o wells, enough with my love life, here's what happened this week. on thursday, mae, sepe, alicia, and i have all gone to walls and swam our asses off. next we went to maes house for a little dip in the pool. honestly, that was one of the greatest days of my life.

well, im running out of things to talk about, so peace

~kev~

Well, I haven’t updated for a very long time and maybe that’s because nothing interesting seems to ever happen to me. I mean, my life has always been the same and sometimes I just wish it would change. Everyday I feel like I’m pushing away all my friends and it hurts me more and more each day. Everyday I also seem to find a new reason to hate myself more and more. I also no longer know the meaning to life and my friends may try and help me, but I think I need to find myself on my own. I also haven’t experienced the true meaning of love that I long to feel. I mean I see all those couples walking down the street, school hallways, and sometimes even see them hiding by the stairs and I wish that could be me. I know my love life will never change because of the person I am, I mean, most girls usually turn to those with good looks, have a brain, is physically fit, and more and that just ain’t me. I just wish I could find a girl that I’ll love and will love me back. I also wish that my relationship with my mother would change because each and everyday is nothing but arguments. My mother always seems to find something to yell at me about and I hate it. My mom seems to enjoy bringing me down and making me feel like shit. I honestly think that’s one of the reasons why I have such a low self esteem. I love my mom and all, but sometimes I just wish I was dead. Now I can’t complain about my relationship with my father, maybe that’s because I don’t have a relationship with my father and I really wish that I did. The rest of my family are all crazy, especially my relatives who think that I’m “in love” with my cousin. O well’s, I guess I just gotta keep on pushing forward.

My life at school hasn’t changed much either. I mean, my grades are still down the drain and I just don’t seem to have the effort that I need to bring them back up. I also just recently started fundraising for prom and I honestly don’t know if I’m even going. I also asked the girl that I have a crush on for the longest time if she wanted to go with me and she said ok but she’s not sure because she might have a trip to the Big Island during the prom. I kind of feel guilty for asking her because she does have a boyfriend and I’m gonna feel kind of awkward if she does go with me. She is one of the greatest girls that I know, and any guy would be lucky to have her. I also feel kind of stupid for liking her, because she is way out of my league and I don’t think that she’ll ever go for a guy like me. Anyways, in case you were wondering who I am talking about, it is Erica Morimoto. I just recently acknowledging the fact that I like her, but my mind keeps telling me to stop. I also really want to tell her, but I’m scared of what that might do to our friendship. I also think about her day and night and I just wish that I had the guts to tell her. Erica is also one of the most sweetest, caring, kind, sincere, loving, humorous, enjoyable, exciting, beautiful {both inside and out}, and a lot more things that words cannot describe. If only dreams came true.

Well anyways, my birthdays coming up soon and im really happy about that because I’m gonna be seventeen. However, I am kind of scared because that means I’m almost ready to be on my own. I am also kind of scared because next year I will be graduating and waking up each day, knowing that I won’t be seeing the friends that I see in school will feel kind of crappy. I’m also kind of scared because that would mean that I need to find a “real job” to help support the family that im planning on having.

Well anyways, thatnk you to those of you who read my sight and leave a comment.

Love always,

Kevin

p.s. I would just like to make a shout out to:

Mae: thatnx for being one of the coolest friends that anyone could have and for just being my sister at heart.

Vanna {a.k.a. V.B.}: I’ really glad that I got to meet such a cool person like you and I hope that you, Mae, Shelly, and I could just hang out a little more:

Shelly: I’m also really glad that I got to meet you, you are the coolest Korean that I know so far and I hope that all of our friendships grow stronger and stronger.

Ray: wassup you little pimp, cool meeting you too.

Mat: really don’t know what to say because I hardly know you, but I think you’re cool too.

Kelli: wassup my niece, thank you for being such a cool friend and I hope that you finally found the love of a lifetime.

Kendal: Im so sorry if I spelt your name wrong, but you are one of the coolest freshmen that I know.

Theresa: I am really glad that I got to meet you, you are a very amazing and sunny person so don’t change a thing

To all of you and the ones I missed: love ya and I think I’m glad I met you.

wassup, this is my first post ever. Well anyways, all i did today was sleep and watch t.v., sounds like fun doesn't it. Well, this is a song i worte when i was mad.....

Just A Little Suicide

I wish that I, could fucking die,

My moms a bitch

My life’s lie.

I cut my wrist and I watch it bleed,

A few more pills is all I need.

I smash my head against the wall,

My life has come, to a stall.

Take a few more pills, and then I’ll die

It’s just a little suicide.

That’s all it takes, o can’t you see

Suicide is all I need.

Screaming and yelling is all that I hear,

The time for me to die is getting real near.

My world is now spinning

And death is now winning

My heart’s finally failing

I feel my life bailing.

So don’t you dare and start cry,

It’s just a little suicide.

That’s all it takes, o can’t you see

For suicide shall set me free.

I reach the edge of my balcony,

For the voice of death is calling me.

Trails of blood, is all I leave behind,

For suicide, is on my mind.

I cry and tears streak down my cheeks,

People always said that I was weak.

I listened to them and now I’m here

They also said I was fucking queer.

I thought I had a bunch of friends,

But where are they now cuz its almost the end.

I hold a knife close to my heart

From now on we’ll always be apart.

You said you where there for me till the end

But now I know it was all pretend.

My end is now getting very near

For death is something I no longer fear.

Say good bye and then I’ll die,

Why don’t you give it a try?

i hope u guys like it. don't worry, im not a psycho, it's just a way for me to vent.