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Saturday, May 24, 2008

  • "I never saw blue like this before" for Shelby, and R2

     "I never saw blue like this before"

    for Shelby, and R2

     

    Today is a beautiful, clear, blue-sky-ed day.

    The sun is out, the air is warm,

    and the wind has died down to a purr.

     

    Today is especially wonderful for me.

    I just finished sorting through all my stuff,

    for the very first time in my life.

     

    I had 78 boxes, at the beiginning;

    and at first, every box took me

    between one and two hours to sort.

     

    However, today, I just blitzed

    through the last 13 boxes, in 4.5 hours.

    I was so excited to finally be finished.

    For the very first time in my life.

     

    Today, at the end, I received two rewards.

    First, I uncovered a check for $90,

    from about five and a half years ago.

     

    I am very thankful for that money,

    especially at this desperate time in my life;

    however, that $90

    was not the greater reward for me today.

     

    The greater reward

    is a song

    from my girlfriend five years ago.

     

    The song is

    "I never saw blue like this before,"

    and when I see those words now, today,

    I sing them to God.

     

    Blue is my favorite color,

    and so I "see blue" now today

    more clearly than perhaps ever before.

     

    "I can see clearly now; the rain has dawned":

    now that I am freed

    from the slavery

    of my disorganized stuff

     

    This song is from a movie called

    "Runaway Bride."

    I also feel like a runaway bride.

    I have been floundering, falling, failing

    for so long,

    roaming wildly, aimlessly,

    through a marsh of disorganized stuff.

     

    We are the bride of Christ.

    We are the Body.

    We are the Church.

     

    So now, on this beautiful

    "seeing-blue" day,

    when I feel finally freed from the frenzy

    of my disorganized stuff,

    I sing aloud this pretty melody,

    as it comes back to me,

    for me to sing freely now,

    for perhaps the first time.

     

    And as I sing this,

    I think of you two,

    my young, strong, crippled friends.

    You are like me in being

    both crippled and strong

    ...

    ...:

     

    "I never saw blue

    this way

    before

     

    across the sky

    around the world

     

    YOU've given me

    all I asked

    and more

     

    and no ONE else

    could ever

    show me how

     

    to see the world

    the way I

    see it

    now.

     

    Oh no...

     

    I never saw blue this way before."

     

     

     

     

     

Thursday, May 22, 2008

  • Ode to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship)

    Tuesday was our last BSF of this year. I miss it already.

    I kept notes about what everybody said (sharing night). However, I missed the first couple Rachels, and a Jen, and a few guys, and several others I think...before I got a clue and remembered that I like to write down the points of sharing on sharing night every year.

    Marion talked about God's faithfulness, the theme of faithfulness, and faithfulness throughout every book, throughout all prophecies and all scripture. I believe that a Rachel spoke of this too. Then her (Marion's) hymn selection for "Great if Thy faithfulness."

    Abby was next. She shared her love this year for the beatitudes. She liked the hierarchy. She has a good heart and she is a peacemaker. She also praised God for great health and her perfect attendance this year. And for comfort in the loss of her great grandma this year. Then she added that she keeps praying for an opportunity to share the gospel with others, and she is really fervent about this. She trusts that God will present her with opportunity when she is ready and the time, God's time, is right. And finally, she praised God for her new bookstore job, starting this fall. (Abby is a person that treats others as better than herself, and in the process I think many wisening people are starting to look up to her. :))

    Then Marty. I always appreciate Marty. He spoke something last year, I think, about Martin Luther, but I would have to locate my notes from last year to recall this. I didn't type them like I am now finally doing for this year... Anyway, Mary started with a story of how he thought people were against him and out to get him at his job (and I had felt this way also this year). Then he realized that this wasn't the case. Then Marty made his point that he has often felt as if God also is working against him. Then he described a bit how this year in BSF, this study of Matthew, convinced him that God is working all things FOR him and not against him.

    Then another Rachel, Rachel Scholten, stepped forward to talk about "failing forward." She talked about Peter's denial, and how Peter, unlike Judas, genuinely repented and learned from his failure. And Jesus had compassion on Peter. Jesus knew Peter and understood. Jesus knew that Peter would "fail forward," not backward like Judas. So of course all this is meaningful to Rachel because she too would like to fail FORWARD. :)

    Then one of our Todds got up and spoke about the great commission, at the end of our study this year. He emphasized the reality of the call, that we are to GO and MAKE DISCIPLES, in every nation...and Jesus is with us always, even to the end of the age. We are the only religion that has a LIVING GOD, with us always. We are the only ones with a resurrection, and Jesus's resurrection is the most indisputable part of His whole Holy life. (In fact, Todd didn't say all that but he said the first two lines and alluded to the rest which we learned from Jim's last lecture this year.)

    Then a guy I don't know, sitting next to a Rachel, got up and he was amazing to me. I really thank God for this guy, in a special way because he has been evangelizing apparently weekly and sometimes daily at Grand Valley (college) this year. He said that every week after BSF he would return to GV to share the gospel and something exactly from that week's lesson in BSF (or the lecture) would be meaningful to someone else, to reflect the Truth of Christ and The Gospel to other people. Moreover, he said that twelve people that year had giving themselves to Christ, under his watch and guidance. Funny how this was the only person whom I did not know. Hmmm.

    Kelsey spoke next. Not that I know her. I just don't want to start every paragraph with the word "Then".    

    ...

    to be continued...

     

     

Saturday, February 23, 2008

  • Sorry. Switching to Facebook. :)

     

     

     

    Hi! I'm sorry, to all of you who have been my loyal, lovely xanga family and friends.

    But I am switching to Facebook.

     

    However, that is not at all the reason why I have been gone for so long. I was gone from here so long because I

    didn't know what to write; and I didn't know what to write, I guess, because I was/have been

    going through such a difficult time in my life.

     

    Hearing voices that aren't really there. New meds. Side effects. Alternate realities. Apparently very stressed and

    traumatized though even I consciously did not know it until I was told by apparently my own unconsciousness.

    Hospitalized twice within the past three months, for three weeks each time.

    ...

    Who am I?

    I don't know.

    That's for sure.

    In our eternal home.

     

     

     

     

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Sunday, December 23, 2007

  • I really need to get a life, to get out of these doldrums.

    I have been so tired, weak and weary, dark and dreary. I have been just subsisting here at my parents' house, with my newly diagnosed bipolar, typical A.D.D., and no meds for A.D.D. but plenty Lithium for bipolar but Lithium has been making me so tired every day.

    Many days I have just slept. Otherwise I have been helping around the house here (my parents' house), and often just doing nothing.

    I have been a sad, miserable case. And I began to lose hope, feeling sorry for myself. Also, it has been a vicious cycle, cuz as long as I am this way then the doctors don't recommend that I get a job, and so then I am more discouraged, isolated, and depressed...and so the cycle continues each month after month.

    It has been this way now for already four months since I quit my job (I wish I hadn't quit), and five months since I was hearing voices that earned my a one-way ticket to three weeks in a psych ward, with no get-out-of-jail-free card.

    I guess I'm not being very uplifting, encouraging, inspirational today. Well I haven't been feeling that way; but there are times on certain days when I do feel uplifting and good and hopeful and happy and light.

    This has been a dark, desolate time for me. Then it got worse when SAD set in, and I still haven't boght one of those special light bulbs which will simulate sunshine and make me feel better, supposedly. It is a "blues buster" bulb. I will get it, apparently, on Wednesday.

    Sorry to all of you who love me and voiced so much care and concern. Thank you so much for that, too.

    Thank you, Steve. And Shelby. And R2. And R1 has returned too.

    I think the others will need some posts and a contact from me to return.

    I love you all!

    --Pete :)

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