I walked through the valley,
Of the shadow of death,
My eyes dimmed from pain,
As I struggled for breath,
No light in the soul,
The spirit laid waste,
From words of contention,
Once spoken in haste.

So deep in the darkness,
I trod on in fear,
Consumed by my torment,
The reaper drew near,
And sharpened his sickle,
To razor sharp blade,
To cut out the heart ,
Of each dream that I'd made.

I cried out in anger,
Mistrust and despair,
My voice echoed back,
Through the thick, sulfurous air,
What madness is this,
That I've fallen so fast,
A fool who keeps living,
In chains of the past.

Friday, went out with Staci, Laura, Veronica, and Sarah. We went to Chiles, and then Sarah and Veronica left. Staci, Laura, and I drove around basically doing nothing. We went out to my barn to see if we wanted to go into the abandoned pig slaughter house out there, but decided not to because we didnt have any guys with us. We drove around more, went to Moraga and saw some ppl at jack in the box, but by that point, i was exhausted. then we all went home...pretty cool stuff.

Saturday, I worked in the morning. I love my new job at the Lindsay museum! I worked with two baby fawns, a fledgling barn owl, tons of baby birds and ducklings, three opossums, and a baby jack rabbit. So fun! Then Staci and Laura came over later, and we watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Holy shit, thats some scary stuff. Laura went home and Staci slept over. This morning we went to breakfast at jamba and noahs, then I took her to her car. Thats about all for now, I'm looking for someone to go to the mall with later, then I gotta go see my horse, then maybe I'll put in an extra shift at work

xoxo

*m

Going to avoid writing about how much shit has been happening...

hehe, today i was driving home and i just have this innate fear of things that are black and white. i think of a cop car. so anyways, i'm speeding as usual down reliez and i see a black and white dog and i slammed on the brakes because i thought it was a cop. oh man, good stuff.

Drunken joy
lifting spirits
soaring high
weightless, effortless
all innocence is rapidly lost
flowing smoothly away
white sand through a child's spindly fingers
Truth dissapears into a vast infinity
of a world concealed in lies
sweet and succulent it beckons
another angel is crippled
Surges of light
crashes of sound
reality is lost
Mundanity has fled
replaced by a chaotic equilibrium of dream and reality
The crippled angel can no longer soar
flight fails
Eyes become tained and cloudy with death
There is no black
no white
only a cloudy grey mess of a seemingly meaningless existence
The graceful angel
now hideously masked in pain
has retreated into the fiery depths of hell
Never to return
endlessly bound by the consequences of her mistakes
What has been lost will be forever craved
how appealing to return
to the lost world of insanity

Ahhh, life is GOOD.  For a while, I was stuck, lost, completely unhappy.  I felt as though I was so far down, there was no way to get myself back up.  I really have found myself. I've moved away from stereotypes, standards, and expectations set by others in order to concentrate soley on my own personal success.  I need not measure my victories against those of others, rather try to continually improve upon myself.  I don't need to be someone that I'm not in order to feel accepted by my peers.  Advice for everyone, be yourself. As cliche as that is, it is amazing how people react to a person who is sure of who he or she is.  I go about my days as MYSELF, not as who others want me to be or perceive me to be.  At first it was difficult.  I lost a few friends in the process. However, this sort of "self discovery" has led to the realization that I had been shutting many people out.  Through losing some people in my life, I have found many more, who know me for who I am.  After everything that I've been through in my life, my identity has been hidden beneath layers of pain.  These layers are continually being peeled away, and I love what is showing up at the core.  There is always room for improvement, and I can only continue to grow.

Sunlight falls on silent ground, its source fades underneath
A moonlit rose bends to softly brush the sand beneath its leaves
A calming wind follows as firelies dance on angels wings of dreams
A scarlet fish finds heart to fly over silent flowing streams
The blackened sky hides dried out logs as brilliant images inspire
Then draw attention as small sparks fly, a sparkling ring of fire.