| | Charles Dickens gone horribly wrong...So I'm seriously considering writing a children's book which will basically be a backwards rendition of Charles Dicken's "A Christmas Carol"... And as I realize you are dying for me to summarize the basic plot I shall not leave you salivating and proceed to do so:
Basically my protagonist will be little Harvey who is your average, sticky sweet and slightly mischevious 9 year old boy. (I was going to go with a little lass named Hillary but everyone would then find their minds wandering to the horrifying idea of her as President of the United States and become completely distracted from the story- thereby nullifying that truly brief idea).
So yes... Harvey, the sticky sweet 9 year old boy, will be gallavanting around doing what normal 9 year old boys do... rubbing dandelions on his chin, tying sparklers to the tails of neighborhood dogs, using his mother's best spatulas for impromptu batting practice... etc... And suddenly he will find himself face to face with the GHOST OF SORDID REALITY... (I will, of course, proceed to define "sordid" for the little kiddies, making my book not only fantastically entertaining but educational as well)...
Anyway... the GHOST OF SORDID REALITY (he must always be announced with a thundering Walter Cronkite kind of voice) will proceed to take Harvey on a trip to his future.... which will be filled with the usual assortment of junior high and highschool experiences (which I shan't go into now since you have all experienced these things for yourself) and during which he is told, "you can be anything you want to be Harvey- the world is your oyster"...
Unfortunately no one ever explains that not every oyster has a pearl inside and in fact a rare percentage of them actually DO which is why pearls are expensive things.... So when people say "the world is your oyster" what they really mean is "Get ready to choke on a bunch of seaweed and find salt in your underwear for the rest of your life because you're going to have to do a HECK (excuse my French slang-I shall keep that out of the children's version) of a lot of diving if you want to find an oyster that ACTUALLY has a pearl inside".
And when the book becomes a best seller in "kids book world" and I get offers to make it a musical (which I have already anticipated in my usual brilliant way) I have a musical number prepared entitled "Guess what Harvey? it's ALLLLLL downhill from heeeeeeeere!!!" At which point THE GHOST OF SORDID REALITY, Barney, Oscar the Grouch, and Mister Roger will start a smashing choreographed tap dance number.
And it will end with Harvey realizing that Peter Pan really hit on a good idea when he happened upon old "Never Never Land" and he'll spend the rest of his life sitting upon a picturesque window ledge looking up at the moon and clapping his hands saying, "I do believe in fairies!"
Moral of this post?
... This is what happens when you spend hours upon hours job hunting....
THE END
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| | Posted 9/23/2007 8:04 AM - 15 views - 3 comments
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