| | split personality disorder?the Apostle Paul spoke of doing what he did not want to do...and so on. He tells of his seeming split personality. He wants to do whats right but does whats wrong then hates that he did whats wrong. I think its something that we can all relate to.
I find myself in a constant struggle similar to Paul's. I am both a skeptic and a believer in God's goodness. I've never been one to doubt the existence of God. I know that many people have a hard time believer in His existence and in His ability, I've never been one to doubt that. It is simply the only philosophy that makes sense to me.
I remember thinking when I was a kid that God would tattle on me to my parents or pastor or whoever was around at the time about whatever I did. It has always been easy for me to believe that He would punish me for the bad stuff.
What I have always been a skeptic about is His willingness to do the miracles of healing, provision and so on. I've never wanted to admit this but the doubt has always been deep down in my gut. It scares me to death to think that a God that is all powerful, all knowing, and everywhere would for some reason be unwilling to do the things that I've grown up reading about in the Bible. Honestly it doesn't make sense to me to have these doubts. As I've said I believe in God. And my very concept of God has as an essential part of His nature is His goodness. I know in my mind and in my heart that God is good. I also know what that means. It means I can trust Him despite my understanding or lack of understanding.
I guess all I can do is what I've been doing over the last few years. Trust Him despite the doubt. I've found that what it always works out so much better when I do that than when I don't.
Its a good thing that God's nature isn't dependent upon me in any way. |
| | Posted 6/22/2007 4:07 PM - 1 comments
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