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| mayb it's me and the fact that i'm still here livin pretty much the same life i've always lived while they've slowly moved on to bigger things, and mayb it's not. i read things that people write on here and they make no sense, because what they say is totally different from what they used to say, or what they would've said if they were still the same person i knew a while ago... and then i hear things that other people say, i give them credit n say that they've stopped lying, and then i read something on here again which completely contradicts what i just heard. god damn it! why cant people just be honest? and why do they have to completely change who they are just because someone new is in their life or because they're in new surroundings? like i said, mayb it's me. hell, mayb im fucking stupid, i don't know. but justin is pissing me off to all hell and i swear to god if he hurts megan im gonna go off more than i did when the whole mike thing happened...
ya know what? im not stupid, it's jus everyone around me who is incredibly pathetic! | | |
| school is going great! i've made a lot of new friends. lindsay, the girl im closest to, is a lot like me. she lives in a lil town, she went to a small public school, she dates an average guy, and she has the same sarcastic sense of humor i do. in class, she makes the same comments i do about people n she completely understands me. plus, even though shes extremely pretty, she doesnt go for the "jocks" or the pretty boys; she knows they tend to be assholes n she loves the fact that her man is cute but not hott. i finally feel like i belong there, at college. i love drivin by myself to and from everyday, with nothing but the radio to listen to, and the assholes on the road that i get stuck behind. it feels good to be able to do my own thing, yet at the end of the day, come back here to a job, a boyfriend, and lots of friends. speakin of friends, on my way into walmart the other day, i stopped to say hi to an old friend. he's someone i used to be very close to, yet who i havent seen or talked to in years, with the one exception of mike n i seeing him at walmart months ago. justin good is someone i've known since 7th grade, when we all used to go skatin at midway. eventually i dated him, and for reasons that mean nothing now, we broke up in a bitter arguement. he came up to me n hugged me the other day, like he's missed me all this time, and i cant say that it didnt feel good to see him again either. we've been talkin lately, determined to keep in touch now. im jus worried that he wants to be more than friends again, because he's been incredibly inquisitive about my personal life, and he wants to hang out all the time. who knows, we'll see how things play out. on the up n up, luke n i are getting our lil situations worked out. i've gotten to spend a lot of time with his family lately n i've honestly never been happier! i love his grandma n unlike with mike n wes's families, i've never felt nervous around them. im jus so happy, but i miss everyone from last year. and i must admitt, as much as i wanted to marry mike, hearing that natalie got married, didn't make me wish that mike n i were still together n that that was us! lol tommy n i have been tryin to hang out lately, but between his work schedule n my work n school schedule we've been a lil delayed on seeing each other. its too bad about him n justine, they we're perfect for each other! i guess not everything always works out! | | |
| it was great to see everyone at ashley's. being there with everyone realli made me miss how things used to be. and sadly, it made me realize that that's probably the last time we'll all be togetha like that, atleast for a while. i owe a big thanks to ashley's dad. he's trying to help luke get a good full time job, which realli means alot to luke n i. the next four years are gonna be critical because we (as a couple) need to save up as much as we can for a down payment on a house. i kno it's a lot to think about now, and the are so many "what ifs" still, but i'm readi to move on. plus, for the first time, i've found someone who's exactly like me, and who wants the same things i do! (and unlike mike, luke is for real.) it's so hard with him some days though. he puts me on this pedistool (sp?) because of the house i live in, the cars we drive, the fact that i have both a mom n a dad, and the things my friends have. due to his circumstances he isnt as well off, and he has to fight/work for everything that he has; nothing gets handed to him. i love him to death, but i always feel like i should hide what i have, so he feels more at home. i jus cant wait til we have a place of our own. then hopefully i can give him everything he's missin out on now. and by that i dont jus mean a nice home, cars, etc., but a family, no more nights alone, and a real sense of belonging. | | |
| has anyone ever dated sumone who you know jus isnt for you, yet they do have sum characteristics that you'd like your dream "guy" to have? i have. for instance, tom. i hated him with a passion; definate playboy n jus not sumone i could see myself marrying, thus no point to date him past the 2nd night. yet, he did one realli sweet thing that has always stuck in my mind. one time, i had a realli bad day, a huge hedache, and to top it off i had to work that night. so he bought me a get well card. as cheesy as it was, that gesture has stuck in my mind as sumthing cute n sweet, but not sumthing the "average joe" would do. along with him, there have been various things that past boyfriends have done which have stayed with me, as constant reminders of things i want my "mr. right" to do. well, as i was sittin in the car last night, luke reached ova n handed me a card. not only did the words on it's pages have meaning, but the gesture its self brought back the memory of tom n what characteristics i'd like in the guy i marry to have. what's funny is that this isnt the first time sumthing like this has happened. i mean, this isnt the first time that luke has done/said sumthing to make me question whether he realli is "mr. right." it's kinda scary to be thinking about all of this again, but for once, things are actually going right! and sumthing else i cant get ova, we've been togetha for three months alreadi! i guess all the bullshyt kept us so occupied it seems like alot less time...o well....wutcha gonna do? sit here n smile i guess  | | |
| i had the radio on this morning, and this song came on....the whole thing doesnt fit but the chorus is perfect!
I want a man that stands beside me
Not in front of or behind me
Give me two arms that want to hold me, not own me
And I'll give all the love in my heart
Stand beside me
Be true, don't tell lies to me
I'm not lookin' for a fantasy
I want a man who stands beside me
well anywayz, not much has happened lately. wes is offically a redneck now. (dont ask...i learned more than i wanted to.) things between jeff and i are slowly workin themselves out, and megan n i are friends again! (the later is what i'm most happy about because i couldnt stand letting sumone else's lies rip our friendship apart.) ....things are just realli great now! | | |
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