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XjustXmeXaXjuggalettex
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Name: Sara
Metro: Lancaster
Birthday: 2/23/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: :::whut flOatz mii bOat -n- bubblez mii bOng:::
stars, moonlit skies, rain, dancing, honest ppl, falling in love, hugs, kisses, poetry, writing, reading, juggalos, juggalettes, singing along with the radio, meeting new people, staying up all night, having a deep conversation with another person, debating, psychopathic records, slipknot, stutterfly, shinedown, the used, other bands, just music in general, helping people, achieving goals, dreaming, sharp shiney objects, PAR-TAEZ ((haha.. dez)), meditating, sitting in the dark, candles, inscense, taking pictures, feeling loved, my friends (can't forget them!!), juggalo family, biting, licking, spanking, whips, handcufffs, kinkii shtuff, the dark carnival, and most importantly, as well as closets to my heart: just gettin to where i wanna go. learning from the warnings of the six jokers cards, and being the best me i can be, so I can get into Shangri-La... PERIOD
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/2/2005
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| hmmm Hi!Well i went to tiff's b-day party at Jamie's last night.... it was cool... i had a pretty fuckin kickass time.... drank... partied.... messed around... yea... if you want details.. just ask... but all in all.. it was bangin...
other than that.. i dont got much going on. I'm at jen's right now.. n i kinda feel like shit.. i think i'm getting sick.. ugh!... but that's okay... star n darren are gonna come see me in a little bit... so that'll cheer me up.... hmm yess
well i think that's about it.. idk.. my life is relatively uneventful as always.. lol.. but hmm.. i got my inernet back at my house.. we have the real AOL now though.. my s/n is darkxlotusxpoet.... so yea.. IM me sometime if ya feel like it... i have no life.. so im ususally at home.. lol..
hmm.. well yea.. i guess that's it
x33
Sara Babez
****EDIT****
I can't be your secret anymore. If you don't want to be with me.. Fine. If you do... Fine. but i just can't keep playing these games. It hurts too bad, and it's fucking with my head way to bad. You know how i feel. You know where my heart lies, and if that's not enough.. I'm sorry.
Excuse the mess, I didn't see you from behind
I caught a glimpse, but the reflection's only mine
It's almost like I'm paralyzed and locked outside myself
What I don't need is to concede because I won't be someone else
I am not perfect and I don't claim to be
And if that's what you wanted
Well then I'm so sorry
How about a better version of, the way that I am
How about a better version that, makes me understand
How about a better version of, the way that I am
The way I look, The way I speak,
How about a better version of me
Excuse the wall, I put it up from time to time
A silver shade, and the design is all mine
It's just a maze that everyday I seem to be stuck in
It never seems to fade away but I pray for the day it ends
I am not perfect and I don't claim to be
And if that's what you wanted
Well then I'm so sorry
How about a better version of, the way that I am
How about a better version that, makes me understand
How about a better version of, the way that I am
The way I look, The way I speak,
How about a better version of me
Show me my vital signs until I'm realigned
How about a better version of, the way that I am
How about a better version that, makes me understand
How about a better version of, the way that I am
The way I look, The way I speak,
How about a better version of me
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| hmmm...so i guess i should say what's been going on in my life... buuuuutt... id rather not.. i just don't fuckin feel like it... this is what i'm feeling right now.. so fuck it..
im living a lie. i tell everyone that my life is going so great right now.. and at times i really truly do believe it... but right now .. in this moment.. i feel like i'm about to crack. my mind is working on two different platforms... half of me is really focused on school and generally doing okay... the other half of me.. moreso the part that feels [[what little i still do feel]]... is lost.. floating in a sea of unanswered questions.. and in this.. i'm left faltering. i've nowhere to go.. no one to tell.. there's really no one i'd like to burden with my craziness..
When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find/That I'm
Not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own
I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
It's gone]
I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong
And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/Only to fin that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the
Way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
The fault is my own
I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away
I'll find myself today
I want to heal
I want to feel like I'm
Somewhere I belong
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| changes... changes... changeswell... long story short, a lot of things have changed... me and Anthony are no longer together.... it's sort of complicated... but in a nutshell... i was wrong.. he never changed.... i found out that while i was at the gathering, he cheated on me twice.. in my own bed... so yea.. that ends that... idk.. it's not that i really miss him... it's that im hurt by the lack of respect.. i've known him for a few years now.. and he's witnessed with his own eyes all the shit that i've been through, and he didnt even have enough respect for me to break up with me before he started fucking other girls... and then, on top of all that.... he's telling star these stupid excuses of why he cheated on me... first of all.. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT.. im not stupid enough to believe that... second of all... THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR WHAT HE DID.... it's unjustifiable... he tries to make it sound okay by saying 'i left her for another girl'... no.. that's not what he did.. if that was the case... i wouldnt harbor any ill will towards him.. he didnt "leave me for another girl"... HE FUCKED HER IN MY BED WHILE WE WERE STILL DATING... lol.. i mean COME ON NOW... lol.. hey whaaaaaaatttever.... if anyone wants details just ask.. it is a rather messy story.... but .. what can ya do? life rolls on...
hmm.. well in lighter news... im visiting at my dad's again.. idk how long i'll be here for.. i might even go home tomorrow... idk... who cares.. but yessum.. idk.. i can't wait to get back home and see all of my friends ....
hmmmmmm..... well other than that.. the gathering was AWESOME.... amazing as usual... i mean i can't even really describe it. if you're not there, you just couldn't understand.. the amount of juggalo family in one place... especially at the concerts.... it's just mind-blowing.. it really makes you proud to be able to say "fuckin right i'm a juggalette".. AMAZING ... WHOOP! WHOOP!
uhmmmmm... well other than all that.. my life is relatively uneventful.....
CALL ME IF YA NEED ME!!
<333333
Sara Babez
*****EDIT*****
I've been feeling lonesome
I'm down, don't know what to do
I let you lie to me
plant seeds inside
to see them grow
only to leave them to die
I learned my lesson
I won't be forgetting
I won't give my heart out
without suspecting
why cry
why cry
why cry
for you
I've been lost and finding
out that I've been such a fool
you thought you'd stick around
until the day you found
someone to make me obsolete
I learned my lesson
I won't be forgetting
I won't give my heart out
without suspecting
why cry
why cry
why cry
why cry
for you
I learned my lesson
I won't be forgetting
I won't give my heart out
without suspecting
chorus x2
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| hmmm blahh...hey guys... this is my last day at my dad's house.. so don't plan on me writing in here n/e time soon.. but i just wanted to check in .. cuz.. well.. im just cool like that .. lol.. but yesummm... well nothins new at all.. talked to anthony last night  ... hehe.. but other than that... my life remains relatively uneventful.. lol.. hmm well that's all for now...
<333333
Sara Babez | | |
| UPDATE!!!!!!hey guys!!! wow!... well let me tell you how a LOT of things have changed since the last time that i had the chance to write in here.... i still don't have the internet at my house... i'm at my dad's right now... so yea.. dont expect me to start writing all the time again... cuz idk when ill get to write again, buuuutttt.. yea.. holy shit... so much shit has gone down in the past three months... well.. i've been dieting.. and i've lost 37lbs so far. so WHOOP WHOOP!! c'mon.. gimmie some props for that guys! n dont get it twisted... i didnt do this for anybody else.. just for me... it makes me feel better to know that im doing something for me for once.. so yea.. uhmmm..... me and anthony started dating... hmm yea.. about 2 weeks ago... yea it's kinda weird b/c for as long as i've known him, the majority of that time, i hated him... idk... but he's changed a lot... he's actually really good to me.. and he makes me happy... sooOooo yea.... idk.. there's that... hmmm what else is new... well shaina came home.. but left again. . that's a long, painful story that i really dont care to get into.. if you were there... you know.. if not.. oh well... hmm... james is in lock up again.. idk what's gonna happen with that.. from what i hear, he's gonna be there a while... uhmm... yea.. what else is new.. well me n tiff are like TIGHT... we got really close.. and i love it.. she's like a sister to me.. love her to death... uhmm... well anthony and vern moved into my sister's old apartment.. and i might as well live there b/c im there all the time n/e way... uhmm.. me n tawny started talking again.. that's nice.. i really was missing her... we used to be like best friends.. so it feels good to have her in my life again.... hmm... welll other than all that.. nothing's changed... i'm just.... me... take it or leave it... idk... but that's about all for now... leave me messages if ya love me!!
<33
Sara | | |
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