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XoHeArTsHaPeDbOxXo
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Name: Stephanie
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: Royersford
Birthday: 1/27/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: Spontaneous moments of joy, porch swings, polaroids, thunderstorms,freckles, journalism,thrift stores,writing, blushing,accents, big sunglasses,11:11,sideswept bangs,
my cousins, photography, concerts, earrings,polka dots,feeling invincible
Expertise: Being the mailman
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Media
Message: message me
AIM:  xobrightxsidexo
Member Since:
3/4/2005
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| SO I guess I just have to deal with my problems....I honestly dont want to...i evben had everything set ouit last night ot take care of my life but then Ken called and ruined it all for me and i just ended up crying. I know yesterday I pissed alot of people off i think and I know i disappointed a ton more but i think its about that time in my life where I do what makes me happy and not what anyone else thinks will make me happy. Monday i got out of school for an emergancy psychiatry appointment and my mom and the doctor talked the whole time while i laughed about what they said until the doctor looks at me and says in the calmest voice "oh you're bipolar here are youre options." So now im on mood stabilizer. So yeah my anxiety is at a new high and I'm hardly functioning correctly. This summer i may just end up staying in texas. That would make me happy. | | |
| Basically I'm a world class fuck up and I should just get around to dying so everyone can be happy. This shit sucks so bad I cant handle it Bye | | |
| Shit happens and things change...I cant accept that simple rule in life...so how is it that I'm going to survive? I care way to much about things and people who dont give a shit about me. I'mbasically friendless and i guess to some extent its my fault, but why should i have to change to make youlike me? Why should i be all tan and skinny and just like everyone else to be accepted...thats never going to be me so get over it...I hate the fact that my "frineds" all turn their backs on me as soon as i actually say what i feel. I hate how i enjoy on of the worst 2 self destructive behaviors more than i like living and i hate how no on knows. I like being alone, but alone sucks every now and then. Inever feel good enough for anything and thats pretty fucked up because i have no reason to not be happy besdes what i listed above. I hate how no one knows the real me... | | |
| So school has started and I really dont like it...I dont mind the school part of it...I just hate the drama...which carries over to my personal life and helps me ruin thinks I've worked for...I think I'm quitting my job soon. I get upset easy...He's graduating on may 18th at 7pm and thats really soon if you think about it...because what guy wants to date a girl in highschool when he's in college...it never works out that way. Sometimes i think its so easy to just go out and find someone else but i always end up comparing them to him and it never works. He is my world and he doesnt even know it. he made some comment on how I am basically last in his life...when hes basically first in mine. | | |
| So history has repeted itself..like it probably had withme. But she got over it and has grace and dignity left while im still here wondering how i thought i loved someone as gross as him. I feel so comepletly idiotic because its been forver and it still hurts because he knows what to say to make it hurt. He hits below the belt and i lay around and let him. I feel so bad because she is everything i wasnt and now she even gets over him better then i did. I mean god she must be perfect or something. But really why do I care? I shouldnt care that he called me a stupid fat bitch that sucks at life....i mean only the fat part hurts because he knows and he does it to make me feel worse. I shouldnt talk to him about him...i shouldnt think about him or even think about thinking about him because it always leads to trouble. I dont know anymore. i think and certainly hope and most likely know that the Austin wouldnt ever do that to me. Maybe when you care about someone you dont hurt them like lurk hurtsme. Maybe i should be happy with Austin. I am happy with him but he cant save me from everyting...and i always think someone has tosave me. | | |
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