Currently Listening Duality By Ra Fallen angels see related

If only you know how much this meant...

    If only you realized im not okay...

                   If only    .    It was all a dream

   Even if shes not     Endless Tears

So take thiS razor and sign
your name across my wrist'
so everyone will know who
left me like this.*

   well.. things are changing so rapidly.... My brother is leaving for the ARMY my cousin might have brain damnage and she is only 5 years old.. My grandmother has lung cancer.. My grandfather has a heart problem.. And my mother is gone... It's amazing how many times i can go through shit.. and yet there is still more shit for me to go through... when will it ever stop? its like i cant get a brake.... nothing is going to be alright in the end will it? so many people tell me that is will be okay and time will show the way.. but im the one that has to believe in that not them. and i just dont... I really dont!!!! I sit up in my room at night and just wonder what went wrong again... Nothing i do will ever make it right again.. nothing 

u will feel my anger
u will feel my pain
u will feel my torment
driving me insane
I can`t fight these feelings
they will bring you pain

 | I Don't Need You |

•Your choice is [black or white, not a shade of gray]• •Because in love, there's no such thing as [halfway]• •|Devotion| can't be swayed, |emotions| can't be torn• •I'd rather we be hot or cold than 'lukewarm'•

*Don't Make Me Cry*

    so next time when you look at my wrist

                                My Bløød Red Sky...

And say nobody in this world thinks about you

You can remember I do....

Currently Playing Butterfly By Mariah Carey Close your eyes see related

well  there is alot to be said.... but there is also alot that cant be said...  alot happend this week.... ALOT!!  but i dont feel like i want to say it on here....   go to my space its all on there.... 

Currently Playing Vol 3: (The Subliminal Verses) By Slipknot Before I forget see related

Hey

well I still dont feel good i have no idea why im still sick... ughh!!!!   well i dont know what im doing this weekend..  its the long weekend.....  

    Well  nothing new is really happening.. I still dont want to accept the fact that my life is changing so fast..  My moms "boyfriend" is moving in.. and i dont want him to.. She didnt even ask me...  What a bitch.... She is making me help her move shit so we can contor to his needs.. i dont think so.... all my life I never did anything out of my way to please someone and i wont start now... If you dont like the way i am or act then fuck you... im not changing to fit your prefrences....  I dont know what i will be like when hes here.. i dont like the fact that hes taking the place of my dad.. that blows.... Not only do i have my mom breathing down my neck.. always wanting to know what im doing.... Now i have him all in my life...  this really does suck bad...   

Currently Playing The Silence in Black and White By Hawthorne Heights Ohio is for lovers see related

With Silent Screams Of Pain... With Fading Thoughts of Rain... Nothing Will Be The Same...Because Im The One To Blame...

Well nothing to new i think.. im still sick and hating it....  i have 19 days of school left...!!!  bu i dont want to leave my friends..  :(  this has been the best, well one of the best years....  i love my teachers.. and most of the kids in my class.... with the exception of a few... But this has also been a hard year... Dealing with alot at home and with myself..  Theres been alot going on and i cant allow myself to bring that to school.. so when im at school im someone different. a fake....   but im getting older and i cant keep doing this.... Im ruining everything i had going for me.. but what did i have going for me?? I really fucked things up bad with someone and i dont know what to do...  And my mom wants to throw me in a detention center because "Im out of control'' i dont know what she thinks out of control means... i dont think she saw the kids who go on the muary show or whatever...   She has no idea how good she has it with me.. sure im a little fucked u but hell wouldnt you exspect me to be after what happend in my life.. i see it as.  life is like a road.. Its long and curvey, It has many bumps and sharp turns, if you dont pay attention you will fall.. there are many holes in the road and in life... If you dont fill them you will fall in the holes and slowly die from lack of hope....  Some roads are dark and some lives are dark, there do not yet have light in them and can not see past what hurts... 

For some this is all they have....