so he likes me
and i like him.
simple, right?
no.
actually, i'm really scared. i'm afraid of what might happen if we move too fast. i know they aren't the same people. but when you're afraid, you realize that the last person, was a good person, and this new person, is also a good person. good people are seen first, because that's what everyone shows first: their good side. they don't show signs till later on. they could be good at first, and totally flake later. it's just chance. and i'm afraid of taking that chance again.
i'm not pushing him away. how could anyone hide how they really feel in the other person's presence? it's almost impossible for me to do that. that isn't me. i'm not keeping him in the dark. i told him that i needed some time, and he's been very patient with me so far. i told him about david. i told him about rei. i did hang out with him on friday, and we had a great time.
so then the question is: well, if you had a great time, why not go out more often? why not be with him?
yea, it's only been 2 1/2 weeks since we met. <--so what? isn't that enough time for you? how long do you plan to keep him waiting?
...it's only been two and a half weeks. that's not a long time.
falling for someone takes time. why hurry when i'm still not 100% sure?
why say that i want to be with him when i'm only 90% sure? wouldn't that be a rip off? wouldn't you want to be with someone, and be sure you want to be with that someone at 100%?
try saying this to that special someone (if you're an idiot or drunk, or it just slips out by accident): yea, when i first started dating you, i wasn't too sure, but after a few dates...
i'd look at him like <.< whaat?
...
what has this world become? why does dating have to be like fast food? Find a chain, hang out the first day, the first few days, the first week, and if they aren't exactly what you're looking for, put them in the trash and move on? find a chain, hang out, and if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work...move on...even though you know that they are interested, even though there is that possibility they like you....and what if you're flirty? and what if they buy into it because first, they don't know who you really are? wouldn't you feel bad? i would. what if they have liked you for sometime, and they finally ask you, you go out with them, don't have a great time and never want to see them again? how do they feel? horrible. miserable. depressed. i don't want anyone to feel that way. that's why i think it's better to find out about the person through talking at school. or at work on break. do that before you go out to lunch with them, where it's more personal.
i didn't want to hang out with him the first day, or even the first week i met him because i knew it would have been awkward. You barely know this person, and you're already putting yourself in a situation where it may not be the most comfortable.
that's why i waited.
because when we did go out on friday, we both agreed that we were very comfortable, there was no awkwardness what-so-ever, and we both had a great time...
and he was glad that we didn't go out the first day he asked. it would have been very awkward. we talked about it, and the first week we sat and talked, we felt awkward at times, and we did get nervous.
i'm glad i stuck to what i thought was right. in the end, it was the best thing.
and whatever happens, happens.
he makes it hard to want to continue being single.
he doesn't have a car either, but he's looking, and hopefully he finds one <.<
my new years resolution ... i didn't even think about being with someone. i said that i would stay single. i even told rei about it that night. and then i met derrick the next day. so maybe that's saying something.
from my point of view, i've been through a lot of shit last year with david. i really really liked him. more than anyone really understood. he really affected me when he broke up with me, and it's obviously some of it has carried over into this year, which maybe hard for some to understand. this is why i'm afraid. i don't want to go into something half blind, closed minded, and just because it's a chance to be with someone.
i want a good relationship. i want one to last for a while. i don't want the dysfunction i had with my last one to arise with my next one.
understand now? i don't think love is simple. if it was, there wouldn't be any dysfucntion in any family, in any nation. there are a lot of factors dealing with love and relationships. its not simple, not always easy, not always 'just do it now'
there are reasons for everything. some just don't understand what the reasons are or the meanings behind it. friendship is the same way. as soon as you meet someone, doesn't mean you have to hang out with them right away. don't you crawl before you start to walk? same concept. talk for a bit, then slowly start going from there. not everyone shows their real side at first talk. things take time to progress. and sooner or later it'll start to grow. it depends on the people too.
i don't want to become like david. i don't want to blow a good thing away because i acted too fast without giving it some thought and meaning.
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