| | - i forgot the name..stupid me -
I stood there wondering how a song could make you break down to your knees, and make you cry...
With people staring, and whispering "look at her" "look at her" i shed to tears to hear those words spoken of bliss lands i never knew. I never knew what it was like to hurt, and cry so hard that you felt so dead inside, yet the thumping of the speakers in the theater, made you feel so free and alive. I couldn't even look up, for fear that the tears would just come out, im not saying that crying is a bad thing, but I don't show emotion.....ever..It was a scary thing that I was actually crying in public. Oh well..I ran out of the crowd, and I just ran to the stairs, where my sister was following behind..I sat there, looking down at these two girls who had been arguing (previously friends) They made up, and gave eachother this big hug, and said i love you so much, you're my best friend..."awwww" Makes me think of how much I hate living this shit life. How much I miss some of the friends i used to have. Some of the friends i feel that i might lose if i fuck up one more time. Let's just see where the road takes us.
Painted Pianos, and dancing bodily forms create a world of harmony. The sounds that just echoes in your head, making you feel so great, like you're floating on a cloud, never wanting to come back down. Konstantine playing, filling your heart with happiness, just to have that still moment, and keep it forever is one of the greatest feelings in the world. It makes the world so vibrant with colors, lighting up life, rather than keeping in the dark corner you call home. I was glued to his face, his hands moving gracefully with the piano, singing his song of Konstantine...Beautiful..That memory will rest in my head, on my darkest of days to brighten it up. I thank him for making my life seem special, even if it was only that moment. Makes me appreciate that I lived long enough to experience something so amazing.
I thought about a lot of things, as i closed my eyes as he sung those words. My ear, so close to the speaker, like he was singing in my ear...gosh. I fucking love something corporate..You can't explain what his words make you feel, just bliss..
Though I had a damn breakdown in arguing with my sister, and she pushed me, Those songs made the night seem better. I tried not to think of how she called me a bitch, or told me that i always fuck up everything. ugh.."sickness"
I felt like i was going to vomit, quite possibly in her face to pay her back. I was only trying to be nice, and what i got was blah blah, you're a bitch, blah, you don't appreciate anything, blah fucking blah. oh well. I glue myself to the computer screen. Making me feel natious because it's so damn bright. haha, how lame am i to keep staring into it, maybe to finish this entry, since it's been a damn long time.
I want to be famous dammit, having all those people go to see you play. To sing to your words, feeling it in their hearts, in their minds, in their souls. Omg, what a fucking great experience. I would give anything. I hate how famous people become so damn full of themselves though. Some are damn awesome though! Like the singer from something corporate! I said hi to him, whoopee!
He's all sorts of awesome...
Yup. Other than going to a really great concert..I had a shitty day, too much thinking,
"too many times wanting to cry but the tears ran dry"
I don't feel like talking about how I feel lately, so i'll just leave it at that. It's a waste of time to type it out anyway. my life is a waste...
~Somehow I feel like a log. Still and silenced forever~
don't ask where that came from, i have no damn idea.....
This is where i say goodnight..
goodbye...
i die...
Special Thanks To
Chris - MaryAnn - Ashley - Jason - Alicia - Chelsey - Jenn - Kayla - Unknown - Stacy - Jasmine - Michael - James - Patrick - Jenn - Jamie -
Chris
And even though you assholes didnt leave me a comment i still thank you for being awesome rascals
Joe - Liz - Katie - Carlos -
~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~
here's a poem i just wrote on 11-11-03 @ about 11:20 pm
A world of change is not what was planned
People being what they never expected themselves to be
Horrified by the reflection in the mirror
Tattoo my hand with your concentration camp ink
Im not captivating you.
Im only trying to make you open your eyes
They've been sewn shut for so long
The light blinds you
Making you collapse at the sight of the world
Im gathering strangers to make new life
Mutilating my dignity
Taking away the pain
Running away from all that was left to remember
Im tired of seeing their faces plastered in my mind
Im tired of seeing their smiles
Im tired of everything.
Come fly away with me
To a place where nobody knows we conceive the horror of life
The beauty of everlasting death
Ashes of bodily forms
Floating in the misting rain
Suck in the filth raided air
Smile with words of blasphemy
Be a rebel to mankind
This is God's disclosure to humanity
He doesn't exist in my book
The book of hating
The book of living
The book of dying
With a small cruse
We melt away.
© Gen Umbarger 2003 |
