ok this really sucks

well telling my dad didnt come as i planned i was talking to my mom and he walked in and my moms like sarah has something to say and im like i dont want to go to city anymore he kind of freaked he was like U ONLY HAVE 2 FUCKING MONTHS DEAL WITH IT U CAN SWITCH NEXT YEAR so it kinda of sucked i was really disappointed

and my mom said i need counciling because i dont do anything with my life but sit in my room and she says i need to go to the doctor and get on pills i was kind of disappointed to hear that from my mom sometimes i wish i could tell her that sometimes i take 14 to 15 asprins just to feel better and i skip meals because i think im fat and i have scars on my wrist from all the times i tried to die and i wish i could tell her that i just want to die because im wasting my time on this earth when someone else can have it and actually do something and i wish i could tell her i want to drop out and i wish icould tell her i just want to run away because i dont think they love me anymore and i wish i could tell her that i have anger problems and i wish i could tell her i cry myself to sleep everynight because the feeling of no one understanding me and all this confusion is killing me and i just idk i just want to leave and never come back

Edit///

ok since i have nothing better to do ill post my top 10 favorite bands this is gonnabe verry hard rawr i cant get passed the 2nd band ok ill try

1. My chemical romance
2. The used
3. bright eyes
4. the spill canvas
5. The early november
6.Taking back sunday
7. The starting line
8. Panic at the disco
9 The unicorns
10. Flyleaf

hmmm rawr i  would of put fallout boy but i cant really say i like them since they have so many cd's and i only listened to there newest one and grand theft autumn and a few other songs

Thatd pretty awesome if my hair color was like that ah
do u likey what i did to myself
peace people

»` [B0LDING if applied] `«

Category: Beauty/ Vanity
oo1. i'm tan.
oo2. i use proactiv.
oo3. i wear make-up daily.
oo4. i own chanel perfume.
oo5. i shower daily.
oo6. i go to the tanning bed.
oo7. i brush my teeth twice a day.
oo8. i use MAC make-up
oo9. i don't use products. (hairspray, mousse, etc.)
o1o. i straighten my hair everyday.

Category: Boys
o11. i'm currently single.
o12. i'm currently taken.
o13. i'm boy crazy
o14. i don't need boys to make me happy.
o15. i've never had a boyfriend.
o16. i think boys are cute.
o17. can't live with `em, can't live without `em
o18. i've had more than 5 boyfriends in the past year.
o19. i've kissed a boy.
o2o. mmmmm ...boysssss.

Category: Friends
o21. best friend is a promise, not a label.
o22. i have more than one best friend.
o23. i have known my best friend for more than 5 years.
o24. i have too many friends to name.
o25. the majority of my friends are guys.
o26. i hang out with my friends everyday.
o27. i have pictures of my friends on my wall.
o28. i call more than 3 of my friends regularly.
o29. my best friend is a girl.
o3o. i'm in a lot of classes with my friends.

Category: Fashion/ Style
o31. i have style and originality.
o32. yeah, you could call me a fashionista.
o33. i own a designer handbag.
o34. i own something from lacoste.
o35. i wear leggings.
o36. the only color i will never wear is yellow.
o37. i get fashion tips from magazines.
o38. people copy my style.
o39. i shop at a&f and hollister.
o40. i wear sweats a lotttttt.

Category: TV/ Movies
o41. i'm a movie freeeak.
o42. i've seen over 30 movies in the past 2 months.
o43. i have a show that i MUST watch.
o44. that show is laguna beach.
o45. i've never seen an episode of grey's anatomy.
o46. my favorite movie is finding nemo.
o47. i like classic movies.
o48. i watch 30+ hours of TV a week.
o49. i own over 100 DVD's.
o5o. law & order is my guilty pleasure.

Category: Sports
o51. no sports, no life.
o52. i play sports year-round.
o53. i like to watch sports on tv.
o54. ew, hockey.
o55. got love for basketball.
o56. i love the minnesota twins.
o57. terrell owens is an idiot.
o58. but the cowboys are even bigger idiots for signing him.
o59. jenny finch is my idol.
o6o. volleyball's theeee best sport.

Category: Music
o61. i like all types of music.
o62. i hate rap.
o63. i've been to 5+ concerts.
o64. i've never been to a concert.
o65. yeah, panic! at the disco owns me.
o66. country music is the only way to go.
o67. i burn all my CD's.
o68. i'm constantly downloading music.
o69. music is what gets me through.
o7o. for those of you about to rock, we salute you.

Category: Family
o71. my parents are divorced.
o72. i have more than 1 sibling.
o73. i have a sister(s).
o74. i have a brother(s).
o75. i'm an only child.
o76. i like my living arrangement.
o77. my grandparents spoil me.
o78. i have a lotttt of cousins.
o79. i love my family.
o8o. i have half/ step brother(s)/sister(s)

Category: Appearance
o81. i'm tall.
o82. i wish i was tall.
o83. my shoe size is size 8.
o84. i'm comfortable with my appearance.
o85. my eyes are blue.
o86. my hair is brown/ has brown in it.
o87. i'm wearing jeans at the moment.
o88. people have mistaken me for a celebrity.
o89. i workout, and you can tell.
o9o. i have braces.

Category: Random
o91. hawaii, i've been there.
o92. i drink water allll the time.
o93. the phone, i'm on it constantly.
o94. i own a lot of hats.
o95. i get 8 or more hours of sleep every night.
o96. i like to read.
o97. haha.
o98. what the fcuk?
o99. i can't wait till high school.
1oo. i love bellaxsurveys

»` [ NAMiNG ] `«

10 things I do EVERYDAY:
1. sleep
2. go to the bathroom
3. listen to music
4. make layouts
5. update xanga
6. be on the computer 24/7
7. walk in circles
8. eat
9. think
10. do random shit

9 people I love:
1. my doggie
2. my cattie
3. my other cattie
4. gerard way
5. frank iero
6. mikey way
7. bob bryar
8. ray torro
9. sonny moore
10. matt good

8 songs you love:
1. im not okay (i promise)
2. heafirst for halos
3. time to dance
4. i write sins not tragedies
5. make it happen
6. this place is a prison
7. thank you for the venom
8. cute without the "e"

7 foods you love:
1. pizza
2. sanwiches
3. crackers
4. strawberries
5. pineapples
6. tomatoes
7. subs

6 stores you shop at:
1. hot topic
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

5 states you've been to:
1. ohio
2. michigan
3.
4.
5.

4 previous screen names:
1. shadowkat931
2.zooies2005
3. i forgot
4.

3 favorite movies:
1. life on the murderscene
2. walk the line
3. excercism of emily rose (scared the fucking shit out of me)

2 of your favorite names:
1. gerard
2. frankie

1 thing you absolutely cannot live without:
1.computer

BELLAxSURVEYS are the shit.

»` [ M0ViES Y0U'VE SEEN ] `«
Bold all the movies that you have seen.

Coach Carter
Breakfast At Tiffany's
Guess Who
Mean Girls
Saw
Saw II
The Notebook
Titanic
Honey
Walk The Line
Happy Gilmore
Harry Potter
The Grudge
Scary Movie
Glory Road
Scooby Doo
Jaws
Eight Crazy Nights
My Fair Lady
Road Trip
American Pie
American Wedding
Sixteen Candles
Billy Madison
The Bourne Supremacy
Red Eye
Flightplan
Shrek
Hoosiers
House of Wax
Stuck On You

»` [ NAMES ] `«
After each letter, type a name.
A- angel
B- bob
C- chelsea
D- dick no im jk dezzie
E- emily
F- frankie
G- Gerard
H- Hailey
I- Ill
J- Jacob
K- Kailey
L- Lauern
M- Mary
N- Nick
O- Oliver
P- Piper
Q- Queen
R- Riley
S- Sarah
T- Taylor
U- Uno
V- Vanessa
W- Will
X- Xasaskdl;asjda
Y- Yazzie
Z- Zak

60. Have you ever cut? yes
61. If so, did you become addicted? yep
62. Have you ever taken any drugs? yep i guess
63. What about just for medical reasons? no
64. Are you addicted to drugs? no comment
65. Do you know someone who has died of drugs? yea my dads dad
66. Do you think I should come slap you for taking drugs? Because I should:: umm no
67. Have you ever taken a drink of alcohal? yea
68. Have you ever been drunk? yes
69. Do you drink underage? no not really idk
70. Have you ever got arrested for providing/drinking alcohal underage? no
71. How about just arrested? no
72. If so, for what?
73. Were you locked behind bars?
74. How'd you get out?
75. Do you have any diseases? I dont think so
76. If so, were you born with it?
77. Do you know someone with an STD? no
78. Do you know someone who has died of cancer? Yea it was really depressing =(
79. Do you know someone who has survived it? no.
80. What are your first thoughts waking up? great another sucky day
81. What time do you wake up? depends
82. Do you sleep with an alarm clock? no
83. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no
84. Have you ever woken up on the floor? yea.
85. Whats your usual morning routine? go on the computer if i dont have school and if so school then take a shower etc
86. Do you go online before school? yea
87. Do you eat a well-balanced brekafast? ummm depends what u mean a well balanced breakfast
88. What school do you attend? god are u some stalker city
89. In what town? grand rapids
90. Do you live in the same town? just stfu
91. Is it a big school?no
92. How many kids are in your class? we switch classes
93. Who's your favorite teacher? mr.korienek
94. Least favorite? i hate them all besides ^^^
95. Whats you favorite subject? dont have on
96. Whats your favorite school activities? 0
97. Are you popular there? no not really
98. Are you a loner?  i feel as if i am
99. Who do you sit with at lunch?  anywhere
100. What style are you? umm i dress how iwant
101. What do most people label you as? emo/goth
102. Does your school require a uniform? no thank god
103. What time does it start? 7:25
104. End? 1:55
105. Have you ever had to disect any kind of animal?  yea a frog
106. What type of transportation to you use to get to and from school?  car or bus
107. Do you play any sports for your school? nope
108. What is the name of your schools team? pegasigh
109. Whats its mascot? we dont have one
110. What is your favorite sport by the way?  if i had to choose b ball
111. Do you pack a lunch or buy a lunch at school? i dont like to eat lunch but if i do buy
112. Who is your principal? mrs.degroot i think not sure
113. Is your school free? yep
114. Do you attend a public or private school? what do u think
115. Who is your best friend? dont have one well i guess my computer
116. Who are your close friends?  mmmm
117. Who's the loudest?
118. Who's the most flirtatious?
119. Are you flirtatious?
120. Are you shy and quiet? quiet but i can be loud very loud like obnoxiously loud
121. WHo out of your friends is the most high maintenance?
121. Laid-back?
122. Who's the best singer?
123. The best athlete?
124. Who can eat the most?
125. Can you eat a lot?
126. What is your favorite food? subs/sandwiches im very simple
127. Do you enjoy summer vacation or school more? well i use to hate summer but now that i know what i like to do summer i guess but i dont like the sun
128. Whats your favorite season? i dont have one
129. Whats your favorite holiday?b-day because another year closer until i get a lip piercing
130. Why is this your favorite holiday? ^^^
131. Did you or are you going to have a sweet 16 party? ummm idk
132. Do you own a car? no
133. If so, what is it?
134. On average, how much homework do you get a day? a lot
135. How often are you online? im on the computer online 24/7 but sometimes on aim
136. What is your favorite website? xanga, myspace
137. Do you have an e-mail address? yes
138. If so, what is it? cuthroat_lyts
139. Screenname? dreamsthatkillme
140. Who cooks the meals out of your family? mama
141. Do you spend most of your time hiding away in your room? yea i live in it
142. Are you family-oriented? hell no
143. What color are your walls? pink ewwwwwwwwwww
144. What color are your bed sheets? pink eww
145. Do you keep your clothes in a closet or a dresser? on my wall
146. Do you have your own desk in your room? yes
147. Computer? yes
148. Stereo? yes
149. Is your room clean or messy? messy i live like a freaking pig
150. Are you a neat freak? what do you think?
151. What about a health freak? hahaha NO
152. Do you have a job? not yet
153. Does it pay well?
154. How many jobs have you had?
155. What is your life long dream/goal? i dont really have any
156. What career do you plain on obtaining?
157. Do you plan on going to college? idk i wanted to go but now i have 2nd thoughts
158. What are your grades? E, D's,C's
159. Are you on the honor roll? fuck no
160. Are you onthe student council?  fuck no
161. Yearbook? fuck no
162. Is your yearbook in color? fuck no were broke as shit
163. Have you ever done any community service or volunteer work? yep my school requiers it
164. Do you have a passion for politics? nope
165. Are you liberal or conservative? no
166. Democratic or Republican?
167. Are you satisfied with the war?no its fucking b/s
168. Do you like George Bush? no
169. Is anyone you know serving in the army right now in Iraq? no
170. Has anyone you know died over there? no
171. Are you going to wait until you get married to give up your virginity? ill know when i get married
172. Have you ever had oral sex? nope
173. Have you ever made out with a stranger? yea
174. Have you ever been the victim of a one night stand? no way
175. What is your idea of the perfect date? staying home
176. What is your favorite animal? idk dog
177. Does this animal possess any strange features that interest you? nope, lol
178. Have you ever been to an interesting zoo? yes
179. Have you ever been to Sea World? idk i think not sure
180. Did you get to see Shamoo? what?
181. Do you like to shop? yes @ hot topic
182. If so, what is your favorite store? hot topic
183. How often would you say you shop? every 5 fucking months or when my parents take me
184. Do you shop mostly or yourself or for others? myself
185. Do you have a mall in your area? no
186. Where is your main hangout? my room
187. What is your favortie hangout at least? my room
188. Who do you hang out with there? myself and I
189. Have you ever solved a rubix cube? nah
190. Do you know someone who lives out of state? yep
191. How about country? no
192. What is your favorite writing utensil?blood no jk um pencil
193. If you were a kitchen utensil, what would you be? spoon i get a lot of tounge
194. Do you have a pen-pal? nope
195. If so, what is there name?
196. How old are they?
197. What color envelopes do you usually send letters with? white
198. What color is your hair? brown/red
199. Is it long or short? short
200. No matter what color you hair is, are oyu blonde in the brain? im stupid
201. What color are your eyes? blue
202. Are they pretty?
203. What is on your mouse pad? i dont have it i spilt my coffee on it so i threw outside
204. What color is your mouse? black and silver
205. Do you have DSL? no
206. If your interent fast or slow? slow/fast sometimes it wants to be gay
207. What type of computer do you have? have no idea
208. Do you have a printer? yep
209. Scanner? yes
210. Do you burn Cds/Dvds? CDs, sometimes
211. Whats the last thing you burned on your computer? a mix cd of the murderdolls the used and the unicorns and the starting line
212. What Cd is most likely to be in your cd player right now? mcr and sp
213. What is your favorite type of music? emo
214. What is your favorite music artist? gerard way
215. Do you play any musical instruments? yep
216. Are you in a band? nope
217. Do you know anyone in band. yea
218. If so, how many people? 1
219. What is your biggest fear? murder and bugs XX
220. Do you kill bugs?yep,
221. What is your favorite television show? dont have one
222. Who is your favortie character/person on the show? idk
223. What is your favorite channel? 5
224. What is your favortie radio station? i dont listen to the radio i listen to my computer
225. What is your favortie movie? life on the murderscene
226. Who would you say is the main character of this movie? gerard way
227. Do you only like this movie because of a hot person in it? no its my favorite band duh
228. Who is this hot person?  all of them there all sexah in there own little way
229. Who is your favortie actress? idk i dont pay attention at all
230. Actor?
231. Did they ever win any awards?
232. What is your most prized possession? computer it does everything
233. Do you have a Diary/Journal? yes
234. Do you write in it every night? yep
235. What would you do if you found out that your parents read it? id die
236. Have they? they found my poetry book i was fucking pissed now they think i have problems
237. Are you a writer? i like to
238. What area would you say that you are most talented in? being lazzzah
239. Do you have any special skills? idk
240. Describe the perfect boy/girl for you? funny likes to stay inside likes the same music taste as i do likes music a lot has green eyes and shaggy hair
241. Have you found them or are you still looking? nope
242. What color hair on the oposite sex do you prefer?black
243. Excuse me for not asking earlier, but are you a male or female? girl
244. Whats the first thing you notice physically about the opposite sex? his eyes
245. What matters more: looks or personality? personality
246. Do you dream in your sleep? no sometimes
247. If so, what was your nightmare? people were killing me
248. What tragic things mostly happen in your dreams? loads of things
249. What is your favorite? idk
250. Do you dream about the ones you love?
251. Are you more of a daydreamer? day
252. Are you active in all that you do? nope
253. Are you more playful or serious? both
254. What do you think of violence and sex on TV? nothing
255. Who is your idol?
256. Do you watch American Idol? yea its pretty entertaining
257. Who is your favortie judge? Simon Cowell. hes an ass lol
258. Why are they your favorite? ^^^
259. What is your favorite color? black
260. Does most of your clothing contain this color? yep
261. Are you fashionable?
262. Out of all the deadly sins, which would you say most fits you?
263. Do you attend church weekly? no i dont have a religon how many times do u have to ask
264. Do you find it fun or boring?
265. Whats your most overused online phrase? lol or fuck
266. Have you ever had an online predator after you? idk i hope not
267. Have you evr had just a pedophile after you? god no
268. Have you actually been raped? no
269. Have you ever been beaten up? no
270. Have you ever beat somebody up? i guess
271. What would you say is the worst thing you've ever done? smoked
272. The best? went to the mcr concert
273. What is your most missed memory? idk
274. Why is this one your favorite? because there my favorite band
275. Do you remember the date that this happened? september 17th 2005 @ about 6:30-12:00
276. Are you superstitious?
277. Do you believe in ghosts? absolutely, without a doubt
278. Have you ever encountered a ghost? yes I think so
279. Are their any ghosts currently living in your house? yea i beleive so
280.Are you a night or a morning person? night
281. Do you get tired easily? yeah
282. What about bored? yep
283. What do you think about school? it sucks
284. Have you ever been onstage?  yeah
285. Have you ever eaten something you wished you hadn't? of course
286. What is your favortie restaurant? vitales
287. What is your favortie dish served there? pizza
288. What is you hometown? Gr
289. Do you still live there? yep
290. Who do you miss right now? no one really if so i guess emily this person i met at the mcr concert 
291. Do you have to pee like I do right now? um thanks now i do
292. Do you fall in love easily? no
293. Do you lust easily?
294. Do you get pissed off easily? yep
295. Whats your favorite day of the week? saturday
296. Why is this your favorite day? no school
297. What is your favorite smiley on AIM? idk, don't care
298. Does your computer have any viruses? yep its called "dumprep" haha
299. What is you current icon on Instant Messenger?it use to be this monkey clapping hands it was so cool but some how it disappeared
300. Do you own a pair of clogs? no
301. Are oyu obsessed with shoes? no
302. What is your favorite shoe brand? converses/etnies
303. What is your favorite pair of shoes you own? converses
304. Are you survey obsessed? i like em i cant beleive im almost done with this thing
305. Do you have a myspace? yep
306. Do you have a xanga?  several
307. If so, what is your myspace link? whatahorribleworld
308. If so, what is your xanga username? xxxdressed_To_depressxxxx
309. Do you hate the world? yep
310. Do you hate yourself? yea
311. Have you ever burned youself?yep
312. To what degree was it? no idea
313. Have you ever pushed all the buttons in an elevator? no
314. Do you like stickers? no
315. What's the stupidest thing that you've ever done? u all ready asked me that

wow that was like the longest survery fucking ever if u guys get bored feel free to do that

I WANT TO

QUIT


CITY!!!!!

i want out of this stupid stupid lame school stupid world stupid life im so stupid god

idk whats wrong with me

i dont want to hang out with anyone

i dont want to talk to anyone

i dont want to go to city anymore

i feel so stupid going there its really not for me i allready talked to my mom how i want to drop out because i hate that school i dont like the people anymore i dont like the teachers and i cant go one more year with mrs.hoane i cant go one more day with mr.mirandette its just gotten to me and i seriously dont want to go there i feell ike i have no friends there so i want to go to riverside yes i know i remember saying "if i went to riverside i would commit suicide" but now i really want to go there i cant stand city i mean i know it wont be any better at riverside i realize that but one more year at city one more day at city isnt any better either and if i stay at city ill drop out of school by 9th grade i really cant stand it and im allready about to fail my way out of city i have a 2.1 and the least u can have is a 2.0

but the worse part is my mom isnt going with my decision ill convince her

and if she doesnt let me ill just stop doing my h/w

and please guys dont try to change my mind i really dont want to go there anymore

Edit///

picture time

 
this is the process of drawing the girl to the cover of three cheers for sweet revenge
hahaha look at it its so bad

theen it got way better cuz i fixed that hair thing and started to color in blood

getting better

then it got darker hmm

no im starting to draw Frankie iero but im not finished with it
i just started last night

Ha guess who this is MY BROTHER CHANCE!!!
(it was an offgaurd picture)

I was standing on my front porch in the night time in the rain
and then my lamp broke so i wore it as a hat

lyrics to the song thats on my xanga <3 <3 <3
I will break into your thoughts
With what's written on my heart
I will break, break

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

If you want more of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you'll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

Hear it, I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now

Hear it! I'm screaming it!
You tremble at this sound

You sink into my clothes
And this invasion
Makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

I'm so sick
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so
I'm so sick
I'm so
I'm so sick

Hey guys make sure to go to myspace and add me mine

www.myspace.com/whatahorribleworld

i want my haircolor like that

TAKING

A BREAK

FROM THE

WORLD


So this spring break is very enjoyable i stay up to 12 because my dad said i have to be in bed by then and then so i go to bed watching the dvd of my chemical romance and then wake up at 8 go on xanga drink coffee etc etc then if i feel like eating i eat i listen to music sit around draw and i dont hang out with anyone....its pretty enjoyable, relaxing, fun, and sad lol but i dont want to hang out with anyone because no one really understand me anyways because everyone thinks im a freak its true and i know it but i guess its partly my fault for never wanting to hang out with anyone and thinking girls are hot and admitting it and not talking to very many people i really dont even know who my friends are i never did

1rst grade - my teacher mrs.kwask told us to lock our windows and doors because there were people trying to come in our house to kill us or steal things that scared me horribly and messed me up pretty bad

1rst grade summer- met this really cool girl named shannon i think that was her name and she was going to this school and i wanted to be with her since i wasnt very wanted at my old school and i thought she was my friend as soon as school started she ditched me and thought i was loser some friend

2nd grade - i went to a different school met one of bff for ever named luwam the only person who treated me like i was there never made fun of me nothing unlike everyone calling me fat, ugly those words hurt me i would cry at night and my mom and dad would say its all right u just have to lose weight i joined taekwondo like almost the end of 2nd grade i loved it just all my anger went out at practices

3rd grade - made fun of fat and ugly over and over and over

3rd grade summer - started smoking cigarettes and really didnt know my sexuality

4rth grade - quit smoking called names again and again and my best friend went to a different school

5th grade - same

6th grade - try to be happy started liking pink a lot and i tried to make friends but was just annoying as hell then i became obsessed of what i looked like because of all those names i was called since fricken 2nd grade

7th grade - became suicidal and not very social

yep i dont even know why i write about my life its not like anyone cares anyways


HAVE A GOOD SPRING BREAK I KNOW I WILL