Xx_deEpEr_tHoUghTs_xX's Xanga

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 22:55:46 GMT

!!!I AM GOING TO CALIFORNIA!!!

ive got a lot going on once i get there... so much to do, so much to plan... places to go, whenever and however i can... go in and out of the house or perhaps never come back... haha, i'll be in big ass trouble if that happened! but it depends where i am going to be, if at a friends to sleep over why NOT! if i'm living with my aunt and her family, maybe NOT... but gosh, i am so fuckin' HAPPY... california is the drug to my happiness... NO DOUBT... i can't wait to do something for every minute when i am there... MAYBE when i am there, it will feel like a DREAM, perhaps a real dream that wasn't expected... i have suffered 4 years missing everyone there... and this time is my only time to have fun and take advantage of that feeling... ahh! i am so HAPPY! theres too much on my mind, wayyyy too much... yey!!!

xoxo

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 00:40:41 GMT

i can't wait to go to CALIFORNIA !!!

my dad better buy the ticket.... my mom better say yes.... i better get allowance for going.... and i hope to have such a wonderful Christmas while i am out of town....

Monday, October 25, 2004

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 22:31:27 GMT

my god me and my best friend alyssa were hella crazy after school today, as usual... its like first it started off with this letter we wrote... then it came spilling out all at once after school! first we were talking about this guy named after another guy with the same name... i shrugged alyssa on the arm when i saw him, then fuck i said he was behind us, and she turned around and looked straight at him! my god! we were hella loud though, its like he would've suspected something! ahhh, eekkkk... but hey who cares! anyways, then i got her back at the halls when she was talking about this other guy, i pushed her on the arm saying "thats him, thats him" pretty loud... with his girl too... my god! hahaha, don't worry he did not notice when i looked back and he was still paying attention to his girlfriend! but hey who cares... then i just couldn't stop laughing and then we were really talking about someone in particular... he is a senoir and like she's all "look who's in front of us walking?" it was him, our crush... then we still kept laughing because we didn't notice he was right in front of us... but yeah, he cute... hahaha... hmmm, sadies is coming up, who should i ask? i don't know, really i don't know... daym! still got a while to think of who or if i just go or not go... i pretty much would say, guys in clark right now are pretty much arent my type... but yeah, whatever... they cute... that may be it though... hMm, yeah... well i can't wait until the weekend, i am maybe going to fright dome with jay and them... Wo0o scarYyy... BoO! lolz...

Cold Nights (poem i made today)

I shiver
feeling the chills down my spine
caresses me
until i feel numb

covering myself with fever
i just want someone to wrap me around them
until the heat vibes through my lungs

a gentle voice whispers
as the cold fog is seen
low and narrow
through my ears

out i feel cold
inside thoughts felt soothing with heat
deep
like fire being lit in a candle

skies so blue
so clear
but clouds
filled the rain
pouring my tears

clenching my arms
in the cold
im alone with
no one to hold
fogged in fear
surrounding me
when i feel the chills down my spine

when will you ever come near?
its like the sound of the ocean
when i yell
echoes back
can you hear me calling?

thousand rainfalls
waiting for one night
im shiverring
come here, hold me, and catch my tears

Friday, October 22, 2004

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 02:32:57 GMT

it was my best friends birthday today, cool huh? of course, awesome! yup! we talked for a little bit online too bad i wasn't home when she called... it's because i was shopping at wal-mart... hahaha, i needed my needs... ahhh, yess, 2morrow i'm not gonna be in school for half the day! i need a break... hMm, sounds good! 2day had some good weather though... it was raining and i felt the lil breeze of wind and rain slightly pouring, it felt good, cuhz it wasn't that cold out there... and i dearly missed the rain... like how it was in california... heh, i want a new umbrella, a hot pink one with polka dots... now thats hot... my teacher in keyboarding was hellah funny today, he was all like "come here"... and i came and gave him this funny face going towards and he said "it seems like every guy tries to sit next to you, you should be proud" and i just started laughing as i went back to my seat... lolz... ahh, omg! during lunch gyeah, me and Jay-al, first we were walking around just buying food, then later we went to library to see dreamer... then she came hella depressed, im like my goodness, stop being so emo... when people are like that, i tend to like try to be serious on their situation but then i start doing hella dumb things because i didn't want to be on the verge on being so emotional like her... dang it hella kills my day though, as in seriously... i mean at least smile, and like don't take your drama like i'm that someone who did that drama to you.... but yeah, i understand, oh well, she'll get better, hopefully... but yeah omg! when me and Jay-al were waiting to get his id card, i went with him and we saw it together, we were like omg! my necklace! its off to the side! he was all mayn they didnt even tell me! hahaha we started hella laughing cuhs mine was that same way, neither did they tell me! and in my history class, i wonder if this guys eye is all up on me.. hahaha, he cute though, i wish i could like meet him somehow... but, daym, me and my shy fuckin ass... i looked at him in lunch today sort of going towards him, and he had that look like he was curious to getting to know me... or is that just me? lolz... wells, later today at night me and heidi talked... her birthday thats why... we talked about numerous things... hers the convo...

layde lushuzness [10:43 PM]: roseanne!
layde lushuzness [10:44 PM]: thanks for the bday card =}
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:44 PM]: hi heidi!!!
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:44 PM]: oh youre welcome
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:44 PM]: =D
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:44 PM]: so how was 2day?
layde lushuzness [10:45 PM]: it was cool..
layde lushuzness [10:45 PM]: did oyu get my msg on your answering machine?
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:45 PM]: got nething? or anything exciting?
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:45 PM]: hahaha, yeahhh
layde lushuzness [10:45 PM]: hehe
layde lushuzness [10:46 PM]: its on my profile
layde lushuzness [10:46 PM]: too lazy to write all the stuff
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:46 PM]: hMm wut profile?
layde lushuzness [10:46 PM]: AIM
layde lushuzness [10:46 PM]: ohh, you cant see it huh?
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:47 PM]: ahh i dont know
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:47 PM]: i guess not
layde lushuzness [10:48 PM]: well, tram got me a cake & flowers, dan got me 6 litle carebears & he gave me another carebear from anna, & anna got me lingerie & a crown & wand
layde lushuzness [10:48 PM]: & she teated me out to dinner
layde lushuzness [10:49 PM]: it was sweet ;cause she got me a crown & wand 'cause she said i was her "princess"
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:49 PM]: aww, thats awesome
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:49 PM]: swEeT...
layde lushuzness [10:49 PM]: & my fam had a little dinner for me & i dint even know it
layde lushuzness [10:49 PM]: i htought they were jess having dinner to hang out or whatevr
layde lushuzness [10:50 PM]: the onyl bad thing was that my work dint have my paycheck for me AGAIN
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:50 PM]: that nice... you're 16 now...
layde lushuzness [10:50 PM]: yea i know =}
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:50 PM]: aww why
layde lushuzness [10:50 PM]: & you will be too =}
layde lushuzness [10:50 PM]: i odnt even know
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:51 PM]: hehehe in less than a month i will
layde lushuzness [10:51 PM]: yep =}
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:51 PM]: omg heidi! i cant stop eating its crazy, i eat a lot now...
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:51 PM]: its like yikes...
layde lushuzness [10:52 PM]: its not bad is it?
layde lushuzness [10:52 PM]: unless youre overweight or something
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:52 PM]: yeah it is, i eat too much mayn
layde lushuzness [10:52 PM]: nothings wrong w/ that =}
layde lushuzness [10:52 PM]: i eat a lot too
layde lushuzness [10:52 PM]: well, i used to
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:52 PM]: hahaha, im getting hella flabby dude
layde lushuzness [10:52 PM]: its all good, jess dont get chunky
layde lushuzness [10:53 PM]: thats when you gotta kick back w/ the food
layde lushuzness [10:53 PM]: take advantage of your motabolism while you have it
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:53 PM]: no mMm k, my stomach is hella flabby, then the rest are like BONEs
layde lushuzness [10:53 PM]: werid, ;cause my tummy is kinda flat & everything else is flabby
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:53 PM]: thats me... that how i get FAT in the same area, the STOMACH
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:54 PM]: dang we OPOSSITE
layde lushuzness [10:54 PM]: i knoww
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:54 PM]: opposite*
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:54 PM]: i think i shud stop eating bread, bread makes u fat
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:55 PM]: and less milk
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:55 PM]: hahaha im all telling u this
layde lushuzness [10:55 PM]: heh, its all good
layde lushuzness [10:55 PM]: i care
layde lushuzness [10:55 PM]: if you stop eating, dont stop eating too much
layde lushuzness [10:56 PM]: 'cause i stopped eating kinda & my stomach ate itself
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:56 PM]: oh i know that, cuhz i'll die and wont satisfy my own hunger
layde lushuzness [10:56 PM]: so when i eat, i eat a little
layde lushuzness [10:56 PM]: so i have to force myself to eat but yet i feel helluh sick eating
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:56 PM]: u eat a little?
layde lushuzness [10:57 PM]: yea, like after 1 little plate i feel full
layde lushuzness [10:57 PM]: & i feel sick if i eat more
layde lushuzness [10:57 PM]: but i force myself to
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:57 PM]: o0o... dont force ureself mayn, u ever feel like throwing up?
layde lushuzness [10:58 PM]: yeaa..
layde lushuzness [10:58 PM]: i have to though
layde lushuzness [10:58 PM]: 'cause if i dont, ill get anereksik
layde lushuzness [10:58 PM]: or how ever you spell it
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:58 PM]: ahh well just eat what u can and from there STOP
layde lushuzness [10:59 PM]: yea, but i eat when i have nothing to do too so its ok
layde lushuzness [10:59 PM]: heh
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [10:59 PM]: ahh its weird though like few months ago i would eat and get full fast then like recently i guess ive been hella tired and just keep eating...
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:00 PM]: its funny though because people be like daym u eat a lot
layde lushuzness [11:00 PM]: heh
layde lushuzness [11:00 PM]: nothings wrong w/ eating
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:00 PM]: yeh huh, what if u cant stop dude?
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:00 PM]: isnt that bad?
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:01 PM]: hahaha i would think so
layde lushuzness [11:01 PM]: thats if you get helluh fat
layde lushuzness [11:01 PM]: like start getting rolls
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:01 PM]: ahh ok if i do get fat then...
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:01 PM]: icic
layde lushuzness [11:02 PM]: you need the meat though, its winter
layde lushuzness [11:02 PM]: hehe
layde lushuzness [11:03 PM]: & when it starts getitng hot, work out
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:03 PM]: hahha meat... mayn i think i need to eat more Veggies
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:03 PM]: i dont like working out in hot weather i feel all ughhh
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:03 PM]: i drink vitamins as though for now...
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:03 PM]: VITAMIN E
layde lushuzness [11:04 PM]: are you sure its not the other E?
layde lushuzness [11:04 PM]: haha, kidding
layde lushuzness [11:04 PM]: thats good
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:04 PM]: hahahaha U.... bad heidi, bad !
layde lushuzness [11:04 PM]: i was kidding!
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:04 PM]: no im kidding too
layde lushuzness [11:05 PM]: i quit, for now..
layde lushuzness [11:05 PM]: school 1st
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:05 PM]: thats good... dont take too much that u may not remember me ok...
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:05 PM]: =D
layde lushuzness [11:05 PM]: ehe i know.. im tring to get my cells back right now to make up for the ones i lost in the summer =}
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:06 PM]: that means what? sleep more? eat more?
layde lushuzness [11:06 PM]: jess, stop doing stuff & think a lot
layde lushuzness [11:06 PM]: like read
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:07 PM]: oh i see
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:08 PM]: i never read...
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:08 PM]: but im reading books now by anne rice
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:08 PM]: barely started
layde lushuzness [11:09 PM]: fro school?
layde lushuzness [11:09 PM]: for*
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:09 PM]: nahh just for myself
layde lushuzness [11:09 PM]: thats cool
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:09 PM]: if im bored or like wutever sumtimes when i get bored in class
layde lushuzness [11:09 PM]: deng, i never read on my free time
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:10 PM]: or lets just say if i dont want to do work in class i read... hahaha well just once in a while...
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:10 PM]: lolz... u shud start reading
layde lushuzness [11:11 PM]: heh, oohh bad..
layde lushuzness [11:11 PM]: i dont have much time
layde lushuzness [11:11 PM]: ever since i started work i havent had much time
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:11 PM]: im about to read stuff on vampires
layde lushuzness [11:11 PM]: 'cause on the weekdays i gho to school & do my hw & on the weekdnds i work, & after i work i have ot do hw
layde lushuzness [11:11 PM]: thats cool
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:11 PM]: icic... i know huh, u gott school, work... mayn thats hard
layde lushuzness [11:12 PM]: well yea, i have to start doing my hw right now, ill talk toy ou layter ok?
layde lushuzness [11:12 PM]: thanks for the bday card again =}
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:12 PM]: yup... i think id want to work, but im hella irresponsible, its like if im hella tired, i wont care but think of sleeping than doing my homework
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:13 PM]: aiight...
layde lushuzness [11:13 PM]: yea, im starting to slack off in school too
layde lushuzness [11:13 PM]: well g'nite & take care
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:13 PM]: ure welcome, take carez.. goodnite sweet dreamz
layde lushuzness [11:13 PM]: u 2
layde lushuzness [11:13 PM]: byee!
XPnAyThUgLuViNx [11:13 PM]: bye

well thats it for today, im sleepy... and still got things to do, so much love, peace out!

xoxo, rose

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 21:16:29 GMT

ahh...well, i went out a lil while last night, just with my brother and his phrendz... yup, they're really tite... yup, cuhz we went to visit his friends little sister, may, it was her birthday... haha, she got spoiled off of us... a bunch of pokemon stuffs, cards + games... rite when we walked in gave her her stuff and then she started playing with her gameboy... spoiled aint she, she's such a little girl... really cute, and she could even speak hella good tagalog, i'm like "awww, how cute"... hehe... but yeah, we ate over there, i stayed there went online again, listen to music n all, and then for the longest time, i heard all of them laughing (my brother, carlos, gilbert & chris...) i was like what the hell is going on here? and what is so funny you know? then i walked out of the room, my brother won't stop laughing, what a weirdo... then everyone else would laugh along... it went on for like 10-15 minutes and like when we hads to go, & got into the car... it still was like that... then my brothers friends had skrillaz, they're so fuckin tite, they let me take several hits... hah, and they were like "turuon mo nga mag yosi yon kuya mo" , muhaha, that was funny... then carlos was like suck on a straw... still that laughing still was going on, i even called my brother a clown and everyone said in the car, maybe even the kids would be scared of you (bro) if you were a clown... cuhz his laugh so squeekily giggly...that shit was funny... then yeah, came home aroundz 1 am... so yeEeeeeA...

today is like a full of freakin homeworks! i barely read up to page 65 in my book, daymmitt still got a long way to go and its almost fuckin due! ahhhhh! help me sumone! welps, a lot has been going on, i'm in fact ain't going to skool tuesday & wednesday! yey! going to AZ that is why... but yeahh, i hope i won't get sunburn = \... i can't wait to go to that concert on Friday... that is like wo0t* wo0t* i'm gonna hella yell and loose my voice like last time at the morp dance, yelled to punk music and after the dance, i lost my voice hahaha.... me s0 crazy! also, homecoming is on the saturday night, to tell you the truth i aint going, unless someone asks me to go...but for now, i don't even feel like going, i'd rather go to junoir prom & other dances... yepz! so yeah, i guess i'd have to go, i have a lot of homework to do... esp. reading... so on, to next time! peace mutherfuckers! hah, j/p geez...

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 21:35:18 GMT

i remember being paranoid this morning... and yeah i go crazy when i am... but hah! i'm not anymore, thank goodness! but anyhoo its good that i walked out of 5th period when the teacher wasn't there, just to walk around n not be in class & all a sudden... guess who i saw =]... yup, i was walking towards him (not knowing), so then we said "hi" and what was up... talked a lil and gave each other a hug... =] ... for that reason, it made me feel so much better, becuhz yeah i was paranoid, because he didn't even say hi or what not before... it was weird... he probably thought i was not there... yeah? well, uh, i am really pissed off though... about someone, i feel like i wanna just yell! yeah, doesn't it sound good when ure mad? uhm hmm! fucc, i hate what's going on, i hate that i have like live w/ all the things that i have to follow all the time... my parents especially, about moving... they don't care for me of course that we may move... they never would see... and it is like they're happy for what they're gonna do, but u think i am? NO! obviously... i wanna die... i don't like dissing from place to place... cuhz the first time i did, i lost my whole life, and when i do it again i know i'll loose it ALL... believe me... i can't take it no more!

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 02:26:04 GMT

School and Him?

i just feel like writing for no reason... i quite miss writing on this... s0 yeah... well, i think everything is going good for me... but not quite everything... well, i think i am actually tired of school like so much... the homework, the classwork, it's just all work, work, work and listen... thats why in 5th period, i dropped dead falling asleep as my my head tilts and tilts then wakes up again t to bring my head up to read this 34 page short story... urgh, i think school is like too much, like i'm actually sacrificing my health for school every morning, and you have to sleep early, its like what the fucc mayn... but wat can i say... theres nothing i can do about it... n seriously i want to change one of my classes, the counselors won't even... what kind of school is that? i mean, hello, it is your education and they have to do their job to do what is best for "you"... 4reelz, shit... i hate teachers, all they have to do is pass out papers and make you do it... and of course go over it... they don't even have time to think about what other classes you have... that is why you have to SACRIFICE... i mean it is TRUE... and today, i had to read the book... my eyes are like drying out from reading... but still i have to, i got to... fucc... i mean even if it is junoir year, i need a break... 4reelz... but yeah, moving on... ahh i'm thinking of this one person in school... and so i am also wondering what's up with us you know... i am hella curious to know... if only nothing didn't change from what i said... i hope not... but still, i don't know if i'll like him... he is cute... which is good... but lets just say that i don't know if he gots what i'm looking for inside... i mean that's everything a person can give, is their "self"... inside and out... nothing to hide, then there is nothing to loose... but about the concert... i hope i can go with him... like he asked me to... but, we'll just see about that... i think i am starting to give up on one thing though... but i'll just keep it to myself because only i can know... but yeEeh, i'm looking towards week"n"z, to get all the sleep i want... really... i need it... n still job applications... or at least chill with some friends... sounds good? sure does...

xoxo, rose

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 15:22:28 GMT

i think we're moving... daym, another new feeling towards this... new people, new place... daym! i swear, i wish i was already 18, to live where i wanna live.. everything is like a nightmare... yeah... n plus i still have 2 years to go in hight school! pSsH, hell nahh, i'm even gonna get darker like a mo'fo down there... shii... I LOVE COLD WEATHER, where i'm covered... haha... yup! yeah, ok from San jose was perfect weather,then 2 vegas is hot! but daym phoenix is hotteRrR... u must be kiddin me! i'd rather stay home all day, n go out at night! oh fo sho! gtg wellz ... peaCe!

Friday, September 10, 2004

Fri, 10 Sep 2004 00:22:18 GMT

weLL, weLL, WeLL, finally decieded to write in this... i think school is going great... i wonder if im even going to stay in Clark... i just wonder... i mean i like the classes i'm in, they ain't all that hard if you just do the work... i mean thats all there is to it... & of course listen to the teacher blabber... yup, today was hella funny though, my presentation... shii, this talk show we did... pretending we were baking cookies... & having it end up that the cookies we had at the end was flat colored paper w/ drawn cookies... i swear we had too much examples... like the cookies on the sheet b4 getting baked, we made eveyone crack up, which i'm hella laughable, it was so hard to concentrate on my script... hmm, i hope i didnt get a bad grade... shii... well, yesterday, was hella tight... me & the family went to eat out... up at the Sushi Factory... uhM yum... that shii was hella g00d! fer realz mayn, i'm hopin' i get to go there again sooner, o yea... i seriously can't wait 'til winter... i hate the hot weather... hah! shii... i hella wish i could go to the Maroon 5 concert... but naww... can't... gotta be 18... hmm, gtg... PEACE!

Friday, August 13, 2004

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 03:45:24 GMT

im out to philippines... 2 weekz....

juss wait until i get back... kk... luv yo0h guyz... bye!!!

ROSE....