One year at Texas State-check.

so i'm back home after a year away.
i missed home.. i always do. most people get home and then two days later want to get back to "san marvelous"
psh. i didn't fall in love with the town. or really any of the people. it's kind of sad.. i feel like a prude or something, but i can't help it. the age gap was only a few years, i realize, but most people i met ended up being too highschool for me.. i know i'm immature at times.. especially when i'm with friends.. but yea.

yea, sometimes i do throw a little personal pity party and feel sorry for myself because i did have to grow up so fast and all that, but its not so bad.. if there were someone to share that with me... but instead my first year at texas state was spent around a lot of freshmen straight out of highschool who feel that going to college is this huge liberation ( i mean i'm not being condescending, i might have been the same way ) .. and they take everything they are given for granted, including the chance to go to college.

well. i guess that part is over. next year i get to live in an apartment.. with another person i'm sure i'll hate within a month. sometimes i get so depressed over the simple fact that i don't even know what i want to do with my degree and i don't even know if it will be worth all this in the end. sometimes i just want to get a job and have a life and family and help save the world by killing one human and saving one animal at a time as my main hobby.

bleh.

hello

hello, xanga.

just felt like talking a bit. sorry if it seems ambiguous. just wanted to let stuff out.

i'm ready to talk to you. i want things to not be like this. its not all you, its not all me. i think we've just had such a rocky past, and we dont know each other that well. so now that we see each other so much.. we don't really know how to fill each other out.

we've had our past impressions of each other and i don't think we have fully gotten over them. i have depended on rob to be the middle man and mediate things. and you.. well. it doesn't seem like you care either way, but i'm sure you must. with rob being your best friend and all. i guess you think i want rob all to myself all the time. and i have the impression that if i'm with rob, its not worth hanging out. but that's not me. really. i'm not just the girlfriend. i can be a friend too.. i can hang out, i'm nice. i promise. not saying you think i'm mean.. but i have a sense of humor, and can get along with like. anyone.

i kind of feel like i'm trying to sell myself to you now... i guess i am in a way.

p.s. i dont hate her anymore. its not about hating anyone. its about getting over things. and her not being in either of our lives is how we are over it. i don't dwell on it. i dont' get jealous or send rob on guilt trips. thats just us... over it.

well.. i guess this is falling on deaf ears.. or.. blind eyes. since xanga is like.. non existant really.. but i feel better now. ta ta

hola

Since the last few posts were private.. figured i'd make one for all... or no one.. poor xanga. everyone has abandoned it.

so i don't hate san marcos as much as i thought i did.. i guess i never really hated it.. just resented it for certain reasons..

i've been wanting to rant for a while.. but i can never get down what i'm really thinking about.. and now.. my mind is blank. poo.

and this was utterly pointless. my mind just shut down... goodnight

:) <3, tiff

i wanted to fashion an early christmas list

yea, so what. i know i'm supposed to be studying. i'm grasping at straws to stay distracted. and this is the last resort.

well.
all i really want is:
all A's..or B's,
tons of hugs [the really good kind],
and a home [because dorm life makes me feel like i'm living in a cubicle]


fuck. i can't believe thats all i want.
i don't have fuck else to say.


i love rob!

and zombie is doing great!

and i miss my friends back home [the ones in austin too].

annnnnnd i'm cashed.
<3-tiff.

big girls dont cry

that damn fergie song almost brings me to tears when i hear it.


should this worry me?