What the Fuck?

How the fuck did my evil Xanga become so religious? I suppose the two traits central to my nature is that I'm both Christian and fucked up. I started hiding from the judgemental, nasty christians that I used to hang out with, but I can be much more real with the Christians I know these days. I suppose there are assholes of all religions. I suppose I'm one of them, too. I imagine this site demonstrates that.

Anyway, this is still my evil Xanga. I just doin't have that many evil things to say these days

Not to be negative, but

I'm entirely falling apart. I'm losing my grip over my emotions. I get extremely manic once and then descend into depression. One moment I find joy in abundance and the next I'm holding back tears, the next moment I am in anguish due to approaching a panic attack and the next moment I'm ready to slit my belly in traditional Japanese Seppuku (ritual self disembowlment). Even reading that

I swear this song I was just listening to only lasted about 30 seconds but it's several minutes long. my sense of time is collapsing. Perhaps it is only that my mind is racing. I am currently manic.

The only One who saves me from destruction is L-rd Y-vh-h. Continual prayer to Him have saved me from doing something stupid. I am told that the true geniuses are all entirely insane. I take heart in that YHVH has blessed me through the curse of insanity. That may not make sense to someone who is not going mad but it makes sense to me.

FUCK!

I am fucking sick of suffering like this. I made the mistake of having premarital sex and now that I broke up with the girl it's all I can think about. (Not the whore of a girl but sex itself) everytime I see too much skin (which happens every day in this world) I struggle. I doesn't matter who it is as long as they've developed and aren't an old person. This girl was wearing a rather low cut shirt today at the parade and was bending over to pick up candy all the time. I had a really hard time not looking (actually I just looked) and suffered. Then there was another girl who was standing near me, whom I didn't even know. I was sitting down in a chair and she stood right in front of me, with her ass in my face. This was not good. Finally she moved across the street.

And people aren't helping online. On a blog, a girl has decided to take a bunch of photos of herself without a shirt on. Fuck you!

yeah, I know. I need to get laid. But I want to wait until marriage for that.

Chad Vanwyk

FUCK CHAD!!!

he's a worthless fucking douchebag! He's the dumbest person I've ever met aside from people with stuff like Downs Syndrome (and those people generally have kickass personalities). He's not actually retarded with an actual problem, it's more just that he's a worthles dumbfuck. I would never hard the dipshit, because he's not worth the time or the trouble, but he actually got a fucking restraining order against me. I never threatened him (though he viciously threatened me), yet he actually lied to the police just to serve his vendetta against me and get a restraining order. According to that piece of shit order with no evidence backing it up, I wasn't even allowed to speak of him on Xanga, less I slander him (but it's hard to slander someone that fucked up. Everything I've said so far is true without exaggeration) This fucked up order did NOT of course, stop Chad from slandering me (which is against the law) every single chance he got. I believe he still tells his evil lies against me. I should press charges against him, but I won't because I, unlike the dumbfuck, am a decent person. I've been waiting for this day when I could slam him again for being such a dumbfuck douchebag.

I can't wait to burn that fucking restraining order, now that it's expired

survey to waste your time

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
yes

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coaster?
no

3. When's the last time you've been sleddin?
last winter actually

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
With someone but that’s a dangerous precedent

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
no but I believe demons can do things attributed to ghosts

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
sure

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
I couldn’t care less

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
ick to both

9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
yes, because unlike most people, I actually research it

10. Do you know how to play poker?
barely

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
I believe so

12. What's your favorite commercial?
a beer commercial from long ago

13. Who was your first love?
Kelly

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light?
No, but I want to

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
no

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
I’ll say Yankees just to piss people off

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
Yup, I’m not very good

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
rarely

19. What's the one thing on your mind?
A private dispute with idiots (it would be wrong to go into detail online)

20. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes

21. What talent do you wish you had?
Charisma

22. Do you like Sushi?
Not really

23. What do you wear to bed?
pajamas

24. Do you truly hate anyone?
no, but I used to

25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
I don’t know. Someone hot I guess. I can think of some non famous people I’d like to fuck

26. Do you know anyone in jail?
yes

27. What food do you find disgusting?
I don’t know

28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
yes but not maliciously. It’s all in love

29. Have you ever been punched in the face?
yes, and by that miserable fucker Levi too. He claimed to be my best friend and then did that

30. Do you believe in angels and demons?
yes