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im fat... i hate myself... ive had 2 peaches and purged cereal today... can anyone tell me how crunches i can do to burn off 500 cal? | | |
| i havent posted in while... because ive been too busy trying to avoid the computer. i hate my life. i have no one that cares about me... well except for my mom most days. but it didnt help when she found me in the bathtub after i slit my wrists.... obviously it wasnt quite deep enough... im still FAT my current wieght is 110lbs. im trying really hard to move on from my lost love... hes moved on so much i dont think he knows i exsist... the really sad part is that he promised me he would never leave... now that he has i have no one. i did nothing this weekend but workout... and workout and workout... my goal is no longer measurable. i plan to keep losing weight until i die. anyways, im sad about his new girl or whatever because i dont believe she could ever care about him as much as i do... i would stand in front of a bullet for him even if he is the biggest jerk that ever lived. pathetic right? i know! im trying HARD to move on. but dont get me wrong, im not that pathetic to have wanted to kill myself for him. no way. hes a only a fraction of my sorrow. well my family is pretty much broke now because my mom got fired. im officially the schools favorite girl to pick on. im failing some of my classes because i dont care anymore.
i have 1 friend... only one everyone else hates me
myspace is slowly killing me.
IM FAT
i have nightmares about the rape ALOT
ive been stuck in my house for 4 days straight and it making me go insane
I want to go to heaven already
Music is my life but it torchers my soul
i want to leave this God forsaken city!!!!!!!!!
     I feel my heart doesn't fit
'Cause it beats too many times
And it skips
Running races in my head and then
I feel my hands don't work
Touching your skin in the dark
I was put here to watch
Not meant to get caught up in it
Close to your skin
Up and down
On this merry-go-round
Take Me Up
Put me back in one piece
But let me feel you
Well, here I am
Landing myself again
Ready to fake it on a win
But let me break him in
Let me break him in
I made a choice
Try and make myself invisible
Make sure I can fit it
Cause Im sick of feeling miserable
Hidden by some lies
Sacrifice my friendly ties
Started from scratch
Won't attack if he walks my way
Hear what he has to say
I feel my heart doesn't fit
'Cause it beats too many times
And it skips
Running races in my head and then
I feel my hands don't work
Touching your skin in the dark
I was put here to watch
Not meant to get caught up in it
Close to your skin
I made a choice
Try and make myself invisible
Make sure I can fit it
Cause Im sick of feeling miserable
Hidden by some lies
Sacrifice my friendly ties
Started from scratch
Won't attack if he walks my way
Hear what he has to say
I feel my heart doesn't fit
'Cause it beats too many times
And it skips
Running races in my head and then
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| hey... sorry i didnt post when i said i would. ive just been really depressed recently. not eating is the only thing that rids the pain. can anyone relate? i miss my ex so much. i still love him and i think he still loves me. i think about suicide everynight and i came really close to it lastnight. but here i am. i just want this pian to go away or at least this FAT. ive been doing pretty good on intake aside from my parents fucking force feeding me! DAMMIT! This song reminds me of him There's me
Looking down at my shoes
The one smiling like the sun
That's you
What were you thinking
What was the song inside your head
There's us
Going on about a band
Working out how we play our hand
I lay there dreaming
Later all alone in my bed
If I was stupid
Maybe careless
So were you
Not everything is supposed to come true
Some words are best unsaid
Some love is not really love at all
I'll keep everything I shared with you
And that's enough
There's us
Freeze-frame
I'm not about to cry
It's too late for us to change
Why try
I've got a camera
Tucked away inside my heart
If I'm a loser
Or just unlucky
So are you
Not everything is supposed to come true
Some words are best unsaid
Some love is not really love at all
I'll keep everything I shared with you
And that's enough
There's us
Somewhere between then and now
I look away when you said we'll never change
And if you think what might have been
You'll lose today and we've got songs to play
Not everything is supposed to come true
Some words are best unsaid
Some love is not really love at all
I'll keep everything I shared with you
And that's enough
There's us
Not everything is supposed to come true
Some words are best unsaid
Some love is not really love at all
I'll keep everything I shared with you
And that's enough
There's us
CW: ???? EDIT:// i think he going out with her... kill me... im begging | | |
| THANK EVERYONE FOR THE COMMENTS!!! intake:
chinese meat = 300
xmas cookies= 300
forced ham (ewww)= 100
GRAND TOTAL= 700 cals well today was pretty good... i hung out with my dad. he let me drive on the highway... which is exciting for a 15 year old drivers ed student lol. we went for a walk/run and talk about my ex-bf which was surprisingly not weird. we wrapped presents too. so it was fine. my intake sucked though and im still fat. : ( oh and i got my hair cut today! ill put pics up later tonight... with love... and hope Nicole </3 EDIT:
NEW HAIR
    BONES
  Edit: i wont be able to post untill tuesday so leave me lots of comments! love love love! merry christmas! intake so far:
cereal: 200 | | |
| i hate my life... the only man ive ever loved is moving on to another girl with the same name as me... and shes almost 3 years older than me. im 15 and shes 17... i guess she must be prettier than me too... ME     
   
Todays intake so far: rice krispies (NO SUGAR): 160cals Im am the ugliest girl in the world... im huge!and my heart has been crushed and ripped into a million pieces... you girls help me get through the day! Height: 5'7"
HW: 125
LW: 70 (same height)
CW: 115
1GW:110 by new years
2GW: 107 by mid jan
3GW: 100 by valentines
UGW: 90
btw can someone tell me how many calories crunches burn??? Nicole EDIT:
i ate more... of course. a small pickle, a few christmas cookies, oh yeah and my dad force fed me a banana cause he thought i hadnt ate anything. dammit! well i have the laxative tea stuff but i only have two packs how long do you think that will last me? should i wait to drink one? well... i have to do something! right? | | |
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