I just finished reading a book. It's the first book I've read through in a long time, took me over a month to finish it. I took a break from it about a week through at a part where the story was happy and I was feeling happy with the book... when I started back up again the story got very sad and all the characters that I fell in love with came into peril.

I feel more of a connection to the reading of the book than I do the story. My life is the book, I am the story. I put the book of myself down a year ago, after graduating college and buying a house, a point that I was content, I spent this past year oblivious to things going on around me, enjoying all the memories, things I couldn't admit would never happen again. I've picked the book back up again and all my favorite characters have changed and are dying, they aren't who I thought they were and everythings confusing. I'm backtracking trying to figure out how my story ended up so bleek, deserted.

I learned a phrase this summer Mono No Aware, I understand it, but don't believe it. In short it means tragic beauty...the gold in the fire. What if there's only tragedy in one's life? What if every happy moment ends in disappointment or depression... I feel myself slipping fast into a place I don't want to be. A place that leads to therapist's couches and nights like this... sleepless and tear-filled. Whatever this is Dogma, Karmha, Darmha, Mono No Aware or Fate... I hate it. I hate how everything lasts for a short time. Nothing in my life is constant, I am left reminded that I have nothing to rely on, not even myself.

Once again in my life I'm stripped bare... only a cigarette in one hand while the other covers my eyes. Free-falling into familiar places, dark places.

I hate this.

wow, I didn't realize how long it's been since I posted... so I guess I'm due for a little update. Hope people are still checking my site for updates...

So I just turned 21 yesterday I guess... I think that this is about the best birthday I've had. I went out last night and hung out with my parents and today I had lunch with my brother and his family.... after that I came back to KC and hung out with Kim for a little while (btw, Kim's here) Kim and I decided to go out to Westport and hang out for the night, we just got back. My friend and coworker gave me a list of 21 shots that I have to do for my birthday so I'm spreading it out over 2 days. My actual birthday party is this evening (10pm at Missie B's... be there) So I got 8 done tonight, I accidentally got two of the first one so I've done 9 shots and a margarita so far... here's the list

DONE:

kamikaze                        nothing special
caramel apple                 dessert for the evening, very good
rock lobster                    don't really remember
hypnotiq                         first shot of the night, good opener
mind eraser                    FUCKED ME UP, khalua, vodka and something else
goldschlager                   same as above just nasty hell!
red headed slut               don't have a clue what that one was, good I think 
pineapple upside-down cake (2)     really mellow and good.

TO DO:

lemon drop
chocolate cake
cactus juice
blow job (he he)
jaeger bomb
slippery nipple
oatmeal cookie
southern peach
ice 101
snow shoe
blue whale
tequila rose

Those are all for tomorrow, wish me luck... I'm actually doing good now... a little horny, but I can handle that! So I'm off to passing out now.... PEACE

Ian

Currently Playing Pre-Earthquake Anthem By Circlesquare see related

- non-revival alarm

Hello everyone, well I'm back from my fabulous trip to Puerto Rico... I'll give you a brief rundown of the trip then I have posted a whole bunch of pictures... Firstly... drinking age is 18 out there and drinks were included with what my parents paid for the hotel.. so I spent a few nights at the bar and had a glass of wine with every lunch and dinner. It was very warm there... never got below 78 or above 99. The water is also very warm... I spent most of my time snorkeling, one time when I wandered away from my mom and brother I came face to face with a 2 1/2 foot baracuda, it was super terrifying but I did scream like a little girl into my snorkel and swam away as fast as I could... this thing was less than 2 feet away from me and was just staring at me. I got to go jet skiing for the first time... that was scary as hell, we took a tour, just my brother, me and the tour guide, both were good riders. They were going so fast and couldn't get control of the wave runner. so I had to stop every 1/4 mile or so to regain my balance... I didn't fall off thank God. I got a really good tan while I was there too.

I'm actually thinking of moving to Puerto Rico in the future, there are a couple Hyatt's in San Juan that are just gorgeous. I got to use a lot of my Spanish while I was there... I did a lot better than I thought I would. The hardest thing was ordering for everyone at a drive through at Burger King from the back seat.... it was painful, people in the group wanted something special. I was like, just order from the fucking menu! It was a great time... I may reminisce more on it, but for now I'll just show you the pictures....

This is Coco Falls... a waterfall in El Yunque (the Rainforest)

This is in Old San Juan, the whole town is just so beautiful and alive...

While we were in Ponce we got some locals to tell us where to look for information on my ancestors (my great grandfather was from Ponce) So we found this tiny place that had the original 1897 census for Ponce, we were able to find the family name.

Yumm, Bacardi

This was the view from our room at the resort, you're looking at the Carribean Sea

Me and the family at Coco Falls

These were our waiters for a few nights... I liked the one on the left.. he was hot

I just thought this was really cool.

Heres a huge Bogenvillia Bush, I always thought bogenvillia grew on vines only, but they had these humungous bushes here... also if you look up on the second floor of this building you can see the room we stayed in.

Adios, Ian

I decided to come back for a little entry, give y'all a little somethin' somethin'.

Life's been going really well for me, I've been seeing this guy, he's really sweet and awesome. We connect like I haven't connected with anyone in a really long time, I don't know how far it's going to go but I'm willing to see.

Work is going amazingly, I've only been there for a little over 30 days and today they have me training someone. I was recommended to go into a management training program, an internship that rotates you through every department of the hotel and when your done your usually placed as an assistant manager. So I'm going down to human resources this afternoon to check it out and apply for it. I think they realize that I want to do big things... I really like working for the Hyatt.

I go to see Cher next week, the week after that I go to Oregon for my grandfather's funeral, the week after that I go to Puerto Rico with the fam. This is looking to be a very "mixed emotional" few weeks.

Well I'm signing off for now,

Smooches,
Ian