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Youngohioboy
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Name: Jason
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Columbus
Gender: Male
Interests: I like boys, but you can't tell ANYONE. Ok? Deal. I like music, dancing, art, going to the movies, going out to eat, and hanging with my friends. I'm also interested in finding out if there is someone out there for me.
Expertise: hmm... What am I good at? I don't like to brag, so I'm very good at being humble, or I'm just not good at anything I don't know which.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Hospitality
Message: message me
AIM:  cometmusic06
Member Since:
2/23/2005
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| 2nd songi'm sure you're probably not there right now which will either make this easier or harder, but i'm not sure which. but i think... i think this should be the last time you hear from me.... jason, somehow, in this strange instance, even though i only know an online side of you, i somehow felt like i truly got to know you, and i loved what i knew... i really did... but i think we both know something isn't right. even if we had a chance to meet, to actually be together, granted i would die for that opportunity... i don't know what would really be. so i think this is the time for me to just walk away and say goodbye. i will miss you, but i think it's what needs to be. my heart says that i will always care for you. and with this message, i want to leave you with lyrics i wrote with you in mind. take care. love, marcus
All I Wanted
Childish mistakes seem to haunt forever
What I wanted to believe fell so hard
Take a step away, reflect on what's been
And see nothing but two shattered hearts
And all I wanted was to call you mine
And all I wanted was the land to divide
Two seconds impact on everything I know
To remember your name, there's no better way
Paint over the scars to hide the lies
Of the demon's mark that'll never fade
And all I wanted was to call you mine
And all I wanted was the land to divide
There's no denying what I felt before
But your silence caused it all to die
I can't keep clinging to hopeless dreams
There's more than one way to say goodbye
And all I wanted was to call you mine
And all I wanted was the land to divide | | |
| Oh xanga, help me. Let me type this all out and get it out of my mind. I need relief. I don't need a relationship, never need. It's not that i want just anybody in my arms either. Don't think i'm desperate xanga, but i really hope it's not all in vain. I'm so scared, of everything i do or say.... the way i look and act. How would it even work? How do relationships even start? I forget. So tell me, xanga tell me. I don't know what to say, so i don't say anything? It's not working...I don't think. I don't expect it to work anyways. I'm afraid to tell you xanga, everything that is going through my mind. I don't want you to tell anyone, you're a nasty bitch like that sometimes. I'm sorry we havent' spoken more often but it's hard, this whole thing is so hard and makes no sense and has no hope and i'm going to delete this all so nobody reads it??? No i won't. I don't think. But I might. Maybe later. But what if he reads it and figures it out. Now I just sound crazy, but this is a journal and these are my thoughts. Never sounds unlikely. But so does next month. Maybe next year? It's hard I know. What are these feelings based on...oh yeah a smile, one look and a smile. Fuck that. That's dumb....really it is? Why would i hope for anything based on a smile? Don't people in a relationship need to talk? Yeah that's probably important. But i'm not really in a position to say hi. So that's not fair. If i hadn't been born this way........nevermind. Just nevermind xanga. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Good night. | | |
| Hi. I'm tired....hard day at work. I have nothing deep to talk about. Except now I'm going to hangout with everyone from work.....I hate complaining but all I hear is people doing it to me. So when I get off work BAM. I hit everyone else with it. My profile picture is of me with my shirt off... if you didn't notice. I haven't taken a picture of myself in a long time. like since before halloween. yeah...that's enough for now. I'm going to go take a shower.
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| AHso here is the pain. I was wondering where it was. You can't see it.
I'm not sure if it's even real or if it's a lie i'm telling myself. So
here's how i'm feeling
I want to cry, cut, and be sick
I want to smoke drink and fight
My chest is burning and my stomach is churning
I can't even close my eyes
I feel hollow and empty like nothing's inside
except the monster who is eating me alive
the lump is almost in my throat, the tears are almost to my eyes
but I lay motionless staring blankly into the night
that's good enough i guess. maybe it's kinda third grade but it does the job.
damn
me for being understanding though. I suffer while logic prevails. He
made a wise choice to not want to be tied down. I'm a good investment
true, but there are others and commitment isn't something you should
readily jump into. That logic however doesn't hide the fact that as I
lay silently in my bed I'm gasping for air to breathe.
I fucking
hate that I'm too smart and mild to get really pissed about anything.
To be even the smallest bit dramatic. I play out the scenes in my head
like a movie... and that makes me happy. My cinematic imagination has
helped me through the toughest times. We all have our ways of surviving
I guess. I imagine what I won't do....but want to and that's almost
enough. | | |
| I wish i could leave home right now and jump on a bus that was dedicated to changing this country. That would be cool. I seem like life is being wasted. I have all of this energy and will but i feel like there is no outlet for any of it.
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