1.                    I thought at first that I could handle, not having him, not being able to be with him, not hearing him say that he loves me and not hearing him tell me that I'm beautiful. Well I was wrong, dead wrong. I can't handle this and I don't know what to do. The longer I am away from him the more I think about him, the more I want him back. I still can't believe this. I just want this all to be a terrible nightmare that I'll wake up from soon. I feel horrible, like shit, worse then that. They need to make up a word to describe how I feel right now. A week ago I heard him tell me for the last time that he loves me, that he can't live without me, that I'm so gorgeous he can't believe it. I will never hear it again because I'm never going to talk to him again. I don't want to so this. I want him in my life. I love him, but I have to at least try to get over him, so I think that not talking to him, will help out a little. I am not mad at him at all, I forgive him about everything, even though he is a complete asshole I still love him to death and I can't be mad at him, I just can't. It sucks I want to be mad at him so bad, I just can't bring myself to be though. I'm mostly just mad at myself. Everyone told me that this was going to happen and did I listen, no. I didn't want them to be right, I had a bad feeling about him too. I pushed it away though. I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to be happy. I was really happy with him. He seemed so perfect. I couldn't believe it, that I found a guy so perfect. But of course he wasn't perfect nowhere near it. He is a cheater, a lair, an asshole who only cares about himself, a WHORE!, a hoe bag, and so much more.

2.                    Amanda is like the only person I can really talk to about this all because the same thing happened to her with the same guy. I mean everyone else just doesn't know how I feel, but me and her have the same feelings for him so it makes it easier. She knows how I feel. He has hurt us both in the same way, so we just know how to help each other. Just hanging out with her has helped me a lot. Her and me are like the same person, we think alike.

3.                    I did something but now I've stopped for good because someone told me that I don't need anymore punishment especially from myself. It made me realize that he's right. All this pain is already enough for me, too much. I don't need anymore.

4.                    I thought that I would be lost without him. Well I'm not lost, I'm just without him. I have all my friends and family. They have been with me longer and will stay with me. I love them more then him. But I still love him more then any other boyfriend I have ever had.

5.                    To him: Don't worry sweetie, I can survive without you. You may think that I can't but trust me I can. I've had this happen to me before, granted you took the cake for putting me through the most pain. But I can handle it, I'm stronger then you may think. I've done it before, I can sure as hell do it again. It might take me awhile but I will get over you. Sure part of me will always love you, because unlike you my love was true. So FUCK YOU!

6.                    I just want to find a guy that will treat me right, never lie to me, never cheat, but so far I haven't even find a guy that comes close to that. I thought he was the one, I really did. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I know I'm young and shoudn't even be thinking about stuff like that and should just be living life. Well that's what I'm doing, just in my own way. I love him so much, too much. I don't think that it's good to love someone this much. He is all I think about, all I want, the only person that I truly want to be with. No matter who I'm with or what I'm doing, I'd rather be with him then anyone else. Even though he treated me like shit, and lied so many times about everything. =[                   

9.                    I LOVE YOU!                  

10.                  This is the end!

11.                  P.S.  I'm fucking tired of people telling me that I don't know what love is! I do trust me, you have no idea how much I love him, how strongly I feel for him. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't do anyting but think of him and it's not my horomones it's not just a stage I am going through I really, truly, honestly, seriously LOVE him.

Okay, well yesterday I saw him and me and him talked. Everything I had planned on saying to him I forgot when I saw him. He told me that he loves me more and that when he looks at me I make him happy and that I make him feel good about himself. He told me that he can't live without me and he would die if you lost me. He also said that he was going to break up with the other girl, but I couldn't go out and see him and he has her over instead. So I'm starting to get the feeling that he is telling her the same thing. It wouldn't be the first time he told me and her the same thing. He broke my heart so bad and he is still breaking it. He has to prove himself to me, then maybe I'll give him another chance. So now he can either fix my heart or break it once and for all.

I want to believe him because I love him so much and I want everything with us to be okay. I want to get back with him. But he lies so much, I don't think that I will ever be able to trust him again.

When he tells me that he loves me he gives me this look and it makes me think that he really does love me. The look he gives me is so intense. How could he fake a look like that. It's like I could look into his soul. Like he's giving me his whole life in just one look. It scares me because it makes me think that he really does love me as much as I love him. But I know that he probably give her the same look so it just hurts even worse.

I don't know what to do. He makes me crazy. I'm head over heels for him. He says that he is head over heels for me too. He also said that he is for her as well. I just want him to make up his mind. Who does he love more? Her or me? But I don't even know if I'll give him another chance. It seems like he are already lying to me again and he haven't even fixed anything yet. I don't know anything for sure yet. I still need to talk to him a lot more to work this whole thing out.

Micehelle said that I should give him another chance and if he says he is going to call me or hang out with me (or whatever) and he doesn't then I need to end it then or talk to him about it and tell him what's up. I thought I would do that. But now, I'm not too sure....

='[

P.s. I hope that makes sense, I'm kinda crying and I don't know what I'm saying or whatever. So sorry if it doesn't make any sense.

l o v e
we think about it
dream about it
sing about it
when we dont have it
we search for it
when we discover it
we dont know what to do with it
when we have it were afraid of losing it
its the short word thats easy to spell
difficult to define
and impossible to live without..

OMG___QUOtESx

I'm an emotional girl
I can't help myself
Sometimes I laugh
Sometimes I cry
Sometimes I do both and I don't know why
I got a Passionate heart
And that's just the way things are
You and me could give it a whirl
But I'm warning you, boy
I'm an emotional girl

things dont always work out the way we plan them too & in the midst of the confusion we wonder how things could ever be right again, but things have a way of working out & sometimes better than we ever dreamed they could

you know...
you're so far beyond amazing

now there is no way to change this.
so i just photographed & framed it.
it's hanging in a hallway that
we have no right to walk back down

Where'd you go?
I miss you so.
Seems like it's been
forever that you've
been gone. Please
come back home.

A statue stands in a shaded place.An angel girl with an upturned face. A name is written on a polished rock. A broken heart that the world forgot.

if i lost you, i'd probably check myself into
some kind of clinic. i can't be alone or without you,
because without you .. im sick

just promise me. that's all i want.
just a promise that you'll never forget me.
tell me i changed you somehow,
let me know i had an impact on your life.
promise me you'll always remember me,
it's hard enough watching you walk away,
but i don't want to walk the other way
knowing i meant nothing to you.

GORGEOUS!

it's true when they say ; old habits are
hard to break. // but you'll always remain
nothing more than my most tempting mistake.

You Make Me Feel Beautiful ©

For once     ;;        i want to be
hard to leave, have someone
up  all  night  thinking of me <3

I love you!

Moww!

i'm tired of thinking of you; tired of thinking that
getting you is possible; tired of having high hopes;
& i'm tired of just always being let down.

I'm not here for your entertainment.You don't really
want to mess with me tonight. Just stop and take a second,
I was fine before you walked into my life. Because you
knew, it was over before it began.

It sucks when your in the moment when your all happy. then you remember something that’s makes you so upset. then.. your w o r l d c.h.a.n.g.e.s

When your mind is a mess
So is mine, I can't sleep
Cause it hurts when I think
My thoughts aren't at peace

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me

If something was really important,
fate would make sure it somehow
came back to you and gave you-
A N O T H E R - C H A N C E

it's a lesson in simplicity,
and i've spelled it out specifically.
the rest is up to you.
and it seriously bothers me
that you may just not ever see
the way i feel about you.

I know we can't be together, and i know that you don't even like me like that. But sometimes there is this look you give me and the way you hug and kiss me that makes me think other wise. If we ever got the chance to be together, would you take it? What if all of a sudden no one would care about us being together, what would you do? Do you ever think about me during the day and just want to hold me like I do you? Have you ever just thought about what it would be like if we were together? Honestly, I think we would be great. You have no idea how much I love you. I know i don't know you that well, only because you wont let me. You say you don't want to hurt me, but sweetie you're already doing it. In the end I know we will never be together. You'll go off to college and I'll be here waiting for something that will never happen. <33

I want someone who won't care that I'm
incapable of sitting still, that I can't grasp
the concept of cleaning, and I refuse to be
ladylike. Someone who realizes that half
of the decisions I make are usually ones I
regret, and I have the right to overreact
at any given moment. I want someone
who knows how completely insane I am,
and he wouldn't want me any other way

we act like we're just friends, and maybe we are.
but the other day, i got a little excited because for the
first time in awhile, it seemed like we were way more than friends.

Maybe my heart told your heart it had a parking place outside or that we both like taking walks and doing things at night. Maybe our hearts have the same favorite colors and found each other that way. Or maybe it was because they both like sunshine best and always tell the summer to stay. Maybe your heart sent my heart a secret message that said "I've been waiting for you, lets go love." Or maybe when it comes to things like this, there aren't reasons. Hearts just know.

I LOVE YOU!