she couldnt stop looking over her sholder. she new she would never be able to walk alone without holding her breath. she would never let him touch her again that was for sure. maggie tossed a magazeene, turkey sandwitch and a bottle of coke onto the front counter. "$6.00 is your change." she glanced at the man barley understanding him. she slapped down a 10 and headed out the door. she checked both ways and saw nothing. no trace of him. even while she walked down the broad sidwalk she couldnt help but feel his moist breaths on her neck and his whisper in her ear, "you wont get away with it this time, remember last time you tried to leave me?" she found herself at a jog. finally she reached the car feeling like she had ran a triathalon. her lungs still burnt from her fight last night. she wasnt sure she could keep doing this. she didnt think he would ever stop.

he was standing half the block down with glasses and a newspaper infront of his face. he noticed her heavy breathing and almost laughed aloud at how pathetic she was. he would never stop loving her. he loved her so fiercly that she could never speak to anyone earthly again.... she couldnt, she wouldnt. casually he followed her to her car and moved behind a couple when he saw her starting to turn her head while entering the front seat. "perfect" he smiled.... just perfect.

he cool air circled through her car. she didnt even notice. she just had to get away. she bit her lip too hard and it started to bleed. rust spilt through her mouth and covered her tounge. "shit!" she picked up a napkin and patted her tounge."girl, calm down you're going to be fine."

she didnt see the van that was following her to the nearest hotel.
as the rain picked up. she hardley noticed anyone around.

he was walking in after she got her room.

"yes the woman that just walked in here was my wife... did that pretty lady pay already?"
he grabbed a spare set of keys and walked to their new room.

she turned at the sound of his boot scruffing the cement behind her.
"oh my god"

again she was lonely. again the only company was the cool whispering of the wind outside. it seemed as though the wind had a secret. and it kept taunting her. this wasnt the first time she felt so paranoyed. so alone. she promised herself she wouldnt care about him anymore. it doesnt really matter now. she shifted her wait on the bench and tried to focus on her book. "you will always be alone" the wind said. she slammed her book shut and got of the bench. november wind whiped her hair around wildly  and forced her to tears. cupping her hand over her nose she headed back to her appartment to write.

heat swallowed her as she walked into the cozy room. she sighed relieved. she draped her jacket over one of the dining room chairs and began to think. what could she do to take her mind off this. she slipped out of her clothes and put on her robe and decided to sit at her vanity mirror. the cool marble surface made her shiver. looking at her image in the old mirror she thought of when that girl smiled and jumped in leaves. when her eyes shone love and her skin willed health. that was done with though... and all she could see was a guant face, dim eyes, and thin slick hair that seemed as though it couldnt rise to the accasion. she sat and looked at that brutally beautiful girl.

she was lost.

as she laid her head down to rest her mind started whirling. how could he do that to me? will i look bloody aweful tomorrow. she pressed her hands against her ribs. she wish they shown more. goddamnit. tears brimming her eyes she forced herself to sleep hoping never to see him again.

OMG I MISS NJ KIDS FOR SERIOUS<3

ok this should be simple i'll just walk up to him and state that... i've secretly been in love with him for the last year or so. "peachy," i murmered to myself as i pulled my wool coat flap up to my ears. new york was frosty at this time and it didnt help that the blasted wedding was outside. couldnt her sister have picked a warmer venture for such a warm situation? no no no we had to be dificult and different. ah well it doesnt really matter now because i am two arm lengths away from him and staring at his tie. he casually brushes the tie subconsiously thinking about the dumb blonde staring at the possible food left overs. "no, dont be silly gwenavire... dont be absured." i sauntered over making sure to move my hips in classic white girl fashion trying to extentuate the assets i didnt have. i looked over to someone i could casually migle with and caught my eyes on my ex boyfriend. it was one of those eye catches that felt like they were going to rip out of the sockets. ouch! i tried to keep moving but then realized i couldnt walk through solid wood pues of the church. its after the damn wedding why cant we be at the resception already. i made my way for the door but a warm familiar but unwanted grip took place on my upper arm disabling me from moving anywhere. this could be metaphorical crap or real, take it as you will. i make effort to go towards thomas... and fall short being pulled back by satan himself. he looked good... my raving mad ex. his name is rick, oh lovely rick. i threw up in my mouth a little. i put on the coldest face i could muster and glowered at him. he smiled as pure as he did when he was lieing to me about the 3 of his other exs. his eyes shown with wisdom and his oddly flattering hair swept around a little in the breeze. i almost lost my face but no no kept it in line. his eyes were like warm honey poured over green apples and other sweet things that could equate to hazle. he used to make me melt. key word used to. "ello rick the dick, and what are you doing here this frosty bit of an evening?" his smile never fumbled with this comment and he brushed my hair out of my face. "just hoping i could see you dear." he replyed. "i thoath the very thought of you" i thought to myself. and pushed his hand away. " you know we never got to talk about what happend 2 years ago. i loved you" with that i fainted.

i'm not usually faint at heart but brain anyurisms combined with red wine and a heavy set envy of my sister and thats all a girl could do. i woke up in the bathroom of some hotel i didnt know with some what of a brain ache.

--- to be continued. LET ME KNOW IF YOU LIKE IT!!

the book is comming along great guys! i'm on chapter 4. i havnt had any time lately to type it in here. plus i was told it might be stolen if i put it online. i cant decide if i want to risk it or not.

the light was dimming but still over the rear view mirror she could see gold lining shimmering into her bedazzled eyes. knowledge love and fear scortched through her lungs like a deep drag on menthols. that reminded her and she slipped out a pack and placed the cancer on her lips. lighting it quietly she confined the emotions about to spill onto her cheeks. as she pulled into her driveway she recognized her soon to be ex fiances car in the lot. the hair on the back of her neck stood up as she turned the key in the ignition causing her truck to sputter in relief. pursing her lips together she gathered her tote and books. she hated comming back from classes knowing that he betrayed her again. awkward thoughts sludged through her mind. "come on joe you've got this," she whispered reluctently to herself, "maybe maddie was lieing to you... maybe she didnt know what she was talking about." she shuddered pulling herself together and strutted up to the door. her figure as slender as one peice of wood on the door frame. hushed she tip-toed into the hall -- as if her soon to be ex could here her from 2 floors up-- and climbed the stairs to her appartment room. she clutched her bag tightly in her hand and procceded into the appt. making sure not to make any noise. every step seemed like an over exagerated clash of a symbol or drum. "ohhh your so wonderful..." she heard a sort of muffled female voice comming from her bedroom. HER bed perhaps. creeping over to the door she inched it open a tad and stole a look at something that would forever change her life. her heart felt like it fell out of its place and pulsed a couple times trying to stay alive. she shrank to the floor still silent and thought for a second. "how could he do this to me?" she spat volumeless curses at the doornob and made her way out of the appartment. heres where things got interesting. she felt empowered and decided to mimick one of those pissed off country girl songs. she grappled with her purse for a minuet ripping her keys free. "ahah" she snorted mescheviously tearing deep into his new royal blue mustang. making pinstripes of her own make and tacky color. she chuckled some more and slashed his tires with one of her straight edges left in her trunk from a project done in a newly joined art club. but she didnt feel satisfied enough so she wrapped one of her extra shirts in her fist and gathered all the strength she could muster. and forced her woman scorn through the window smearing some blood on the glass. she flicked off the window and slipped into her old ford. with her new found addrenilyn rush she cranked the car out of the lot and headed off for whataburger. she needed fries. when he saw that he would pee himself. this thought soothed her a little and then she was off. smiling and singing alanis moresette to herself along the way. " and i'm here to reminde you OF THE MESS YOU LEFT WHEN YOU WENT AWAY!!!!" tomorrow would be another day she thought.... another day another appartment... at least she got to keep the pretty ring and all the engagement presents. i love myself and thats all that matters.

lol i just wrote that. do you like? i hope it inspired some of you!! :)
anyways dont steal it please! and give me feedback!

love you all <3