yay... the sun is shining and the beijing olympics is coming!!!

haha.. alright. yea. ummm. usually people get worried when i write something like what i wrote yesterday so yea... need to brighten things up a bit...

ummm.. yea... lets see...ummm.... ummm... ummm...

okay, this is harder than i thought.... haha

I was reading  "The Knowledge of the Holy" by Tozer... and this following line hit me hard....

"With the goodness of God to desire our higest welfare, the wisdom of God to plan it, and the power of God to achieve it, what do we lack? Surely we are the most favored of all creatures..."

yet life feels more like this song that a friend gave me a few years back... its loosly based on Peter walking on water in the storm....

Storm - Blyss

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I had to see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside-down?
Barely surviving has become my purpose
'Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I had to see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right

And I will walk on water
You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
Now everthing is all right

Everything is all right

i used to be so proud of myself when i taught or talked to people that i was "living my dream".... people could feel it... i could feel it... but now... its like the line in the song "Barely surviving has become my purpose, 'Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface"

Lord... I will crawl to you on the dirt... I will crawl to you... crawl until i see you... crawl until i reach the foot of the Cross...

June 26....

6 years ago today, I landed in Beijing.... 1 year ago, I signed my contract for my first job...today holds a lot of history for me here in China...

i wanted a celebration, but i might have to plan that later on...too bad the weather looks so grey today... but then, thats how it was when i first got here too...

a few weeks ago, after a wonderful 3 day weekend, i came into the office,and we had our usual weekly meeting... while sitting there, my boss who sat next to me, poked me with her pen... and after she got my attention, she drew a smiley face on her notebook... i was startled... and preceeded to put on a smile on my face...

after the meeting was over... she said to me point blank i needed more rest... and that i needed to not stress so much.... i was a bit surprised... i didnt know that she saw me as being so stressed.... but yea... i guess i am stressing about work and didnt even know it...

my assistant came onboard this week... been training her, and getting her to understand our firm's culture...

ive actually been feeling better these few weeks... no constant thoughts of resigning from life and going to a quiet place... but yea, its obvious i need a break... actually, a more routine break so that i can adjust my life to normal again... meaning... having jason days... resting in the lord... doing what i enjoy with people... smiling more... not drowning myself in eating and shopping...hehe....

sigh...

i am so tired.

my bosses have approved a headcount for me to hire an HR assistant.

though it may seem like a good thing... there is actually a lot of work that needs to happen before and when hiring an extra person...

for one of the teams in our firm... they have been hiring like crazy.... its almost like they are trying to overstuff themselves....little do they know... if they dont digest... in a few months... morale will be low... and then massive turnover...

sigh...

its june...in 24 days...ill celebrate my 6 years in china... haha... i wish i could take a sabbatical from this place...haha....i need to have a birthday part for the 6 years....

my legs are so sore from walking around the office so many times... too bad im not losing too much weight....

at 2:28 PM on May 19th 2008, all of China held a 3 minute moment of silence for the people who passed away in the earthquake that happened a week ago... we were to stand facing Sichuan Province... the cars stopped moving... the people silent... the city sounded the air raid sirens.... all the cars pressed their horns... and it felt like the sadness of the people in china... crying...mourning......the pain and the agnony... all coming out of the 1.3 billion people here...

i couldnt help but cry...

actually... it felt like the whole city groaned in sadness... 

May 20, 2008

34,073 confirmed dead

245,108 injured

52,934 hospitalized

155 aftershocks measuring magitude 4 or above