Illogical logic

The kind that turns up in people who assume themselves to be sophisticated. Well illustrated by the example of how "flea market" is translated into Chinese.

So the idea of a flea market reached Hong Kong some two to three decades ago. It was sensibly interpreted as 跳虱市場. As most people think the character 蚤 is actually pronounced as 虱, the name ended up being written down as 跳蚤市場. Another example of how inaccurate "knowledge" is always more readily popularised than what is correct.

Time passes and we find ourselves in the twenty first century. Some smart arses realise that the character 蚤 is in fact pronounced identically to the character 組, so in their attempts to be proper and precise they announce that flea markets are indeed 跳蚤(read 組)市場, and shall be pronounced thusly. Despite the fact that no speaker of Cantonese would utter the term "跳組" when flea is what the speaker meant. So when presented with a wrong written name, our well educated authorities advise to pronounce the wrong name correctly. The written word overrules verbal conventions and common sense.

I reckon people should use their brains more instead of trying to be smart all the time.

Idioms and idiots

As was suggested by a textbook used in a prestigious band 1 high school, these days students are being taught that phrasal verbs are in fact idioms. By this new definition "go to" would be an idiom. So's "fuck off". I don't see anything idiomatic about telling people to fuck off. What I see is people being too lazy to learn their English properly, let alone teaching it properly. Can't explain why a particular preposition is used in a certain context? Hey it's idiomatic! That's just the way it is! Not much point in teaching what's right when teaching what's wrong is so much easier, isn't it?

For the official record, here is a definition of phrasal verbs, courtesy to the English Page:

A phrasal verb is a verb plus preposition or adverb which creates a meaning different from the original verb.

And a definition of idioms, courtesy to wikipedia:

An idiom is an expression (i.e. term or phrase) whose meaning cannot be deduced from the literal definitions and the arrangement of its parts, but refers instead to a figurative meaning that is known only through conventional use. In linguistics, idioms are widely assumed to be figures of speech that contradict the principle of compositionality,  however some debate has recently arisen on this subject.

In the English expression to kick the bucket, a listener knowing only the meaning of kick and bucket would be unable to deduce the expression's actual meaning, which is to die. Although kick the bucket can refer literally to the act of striking a bucket with a foot, native speakers rarely use it that way.

Idioms hence tend to confuse those not already familiar with them; students of a new language must learn its idiomatic expressions the way they learn its other vocabulary. In fact many natural language words have idiomatic origins, but have been sufficiently assimilated so that their figurative senses have been lost.

See? They are different things, strange as it may seem.

Naming names

A curious tradition of Hong Kong is people christening themselves, usually some time during high school. I myself am in favour of this, what with the name I'm stuck with thanks to my dear old father, but these days I think there is a real need for the schools to offer basic lessons on how one should go about naming oneself; especially when people come up with ideas like these:

A student in a certain prestigious high school apparently named himself "Full". What more could I say. At least it sounds the same as the other word that describes him very well.

The other day when I was having afternoon tea in a hotel, the name tag of a waitress told the world that she answers to the name of "Pizza". Before she finished taking our orders I was already up to my third joke regarding her name. For completeness here are the jokes that came across my mind:

"Ah yes, I'd like a take-away love."

"So is it guaranteed that you'd come within 30 minutes?"

"You're not Hawaiian, are you? A meatlover perhaps?"

Yes they are awful jokes, but probably not as bad as her choice of a name.

There's a friend of my friend who's called "Funny". Har har har. Yes I actually know this person, so Funny, if you happen to come across this xanga, take my advice: pick another name. The same goes for all the above names.

Readers, please feel free to drop me other amusing names if you chance upon such.

When clichĕs claim their victims

How do you know if a character is going to die on screen, especially in horror, war, or natural phenomenon movies?

Easy. The following is a list of clichĕs which, once they are being performed by anyone other than the hero or heroine of a movie, will definitely claim the lives of the participants.

"It's my daughter's/grand-daughter's (a son/grand-son is also applicable, but daughters are more frequently mentioned) birthday tomorrow/next week." If one mentions the birthday of anyone of close relation, there's a good chance one won't be there to sing Happy Birthday.

"After this war/storm/trip/etc. I'm going to get married. (shows the hero a photo of the girlfriend in question) Isn't she gorgeous?" The same goes for proposing to the heroine if he's not the hero of the movie.

Clipping a photo of one's beloved in the cockpit. In fact, revealing a photo of one's beloved in any situation is a life endangering endeavour in any kind of B-movie.

"I'll hold them back. You guys go ahead first, I'll meet up with you at the rendevous point." Whoever says this would never turn up at the rendevous point except maybe as a zombie, or used as a disguise by the killer.

"If anything happens, please take care of (fill in the blanks)" As good as uttering your last words on your deathbed.

"Yeah, I'll buy you a drink once all this is over./You owe me a drink or five for this." Too bad there won't be any drinks for this guy.

"This is stupid. I'm going home/back to my room." Death announcement favoured by victims of both genders in suspense thrillers and splatter movies.

If somehow you end up in a situation well documented by B-movies, such as giant spider attacks, alien invasions or such like, make sure you avoid doing any of the above.

Reading tabloids may cause terminal blindness

It is amazing how blind the general public could be.

Someone's eyes grew bigger all of a sudden? Must've lost weight. Someone's gained double eyelids? Must've lost weight. Someone's chin extended half an inch? Must've lost weight. Someone's nose turned triangular and pointy? Must've lost weight. Someone's got bigger boobs? Must've los... oh. Well it must be what they call "postpubertal development", donchernoe?

Such ways of thinking, or rather, such avoidance of thinking shows two very worrying signs about the average mindset of the average person. The first one being their unquestioning worship of celebrities. They are the idols of this age, they must've been born with natural good looks and glamour. It is unthinkable that the stars were made by human hands, with the help of surgical knives and silicon and botox injections. As if cosmetic surgery is some kind of evil spirit that could be warded off if you didn't believe in it. How Joey looks nothing like what she looked like five years ago has got to be due to divine intervention.

The second one being the equally unquestioning belief of slimming down being the one and only means of achieving beauty. If you look good weighing 110 pounds, you'd look gorgeous at 105. If you look stunning with a 22" waist, you will definitely be sexier having 20" 1/2 instead. If your weight is less than 90 pounds, why you could probably be the next Miss Hong Kong! Provided you also inexplicably have D cups aligned across your upper torso. Which are of course natural gifts from nature, unless if the media decides to report otherwise, in which case an omen from above in the form of blazing words etched out in lightning high up in the sky probably could not proof them to be the genuine article. Itfs in the paper, so it has to be true, Q.E.D.

I have an idea for a short story about slimming, mass media, and the Apocalypse. If I get around to finishing it I'd post it here too.