Currently Listening 19 By Adele Chasing Pavement see related

I'M BACK!! I know it's been a long while since I've been on xanga and I'm not even sure anyone uses this anymore. However, this is a place I can use as an outlet for my writing. A lot has happened over the past year and I'm not going to bore you with the details....just letting you know, I'm back and writing again.

HEART SONG

By: Mary Elisabeth

There are a million and one words floating inside my head

A million words trying to leak their way through my system

Wanting so badly to grace my hand and bleed out onto this page

But they don’t make sense, not to me, not now, not this moment

Yet they refuse to wait their turn, their silent whispers are static to my ears

Static coming from an AM radio station, they want me to sing their song

I can’t hear the music, I don’t know the words….the lyrics are just letters

My head is a scrabble board knocked on the floor and left in shambles

Where do I start? What do I write? Will anyone read it?

If I close my eyes I can almost make out the words on the page

They want to be written, they want to be understood

I squeeze my eye tight, frustration sets in, I’m near sighted and they’re miles away

The eye chart fifth row, I want to read you but you’re just out of focus

Yes it’s better in lens one then two, three then four, five then six

It’s not enough I can’t see them, their song will be lost, and the dream will vanish

I want to understand, but it’s not time, I can’t grasp your concept…give me the time

Words flowing quicker than I can think; words deeper than I can comprehend

If I slit my wrist will you come pouring out onto the page, would that make you happy?

A dream written in blood, is it still a dream or has the line between dream and nightmare been crossed

Can a dream without a dreamer exist at all? Can a song without a writer be sung?

I feel my hand start to dance across the page, like a deaf woman dying to hear the music

I don’t know what the song sounds like, but I can feel it to my very soul

These words, this dream will be realized, in spite of my ignorance and fear

I might not understand but it’s my desire to try that keeps them pushing, pouring out my finger tips

Ready or not I’m being propelled into something greater, creating something so sweet

Something only my heart could write, something that could only be understood by my soul

When I open my eyes the static is but a distant memory, a buzz I barely mind

And on the page before me…lies my hearts song…

Until next time...

Currently Watching Hot Fuzz (Widescreen Edition) By Jim Broadbent, Kenneth Cranham, Timothy Dalton, Julia Deakin, Patricia Franklin see related

So Joshua is on his way back to Moberly and I miss him terribly! Only 24 hours remain until I can see him and hug him, but the minutes are passing sooooooooo slowly!

I'm also a bit frustrated because a girl was suppossed to be here this morning to braid my hair and she has yet to show up or even call....so frustrating. Those of you who know me know that braids are an essential part or my survival. My nappy hair is just too much to handle on it's own, especially when taking a shower and washing it is such a task now. Please pray that she shows up and braids through the night if she has too. I'm heading to Moberly at 5am and it has to be done by then.

So I've found myself listening to a lot of foreign artist lately and there is so much unheard talent out there that its ridiculous. I'm so tired of listening to the same kind of music, same kind of melody, same kind of lyric. It's nice to know some people are still original.

I've been finding myself writing a lot lately, just about anything and everything. Not only does it feel good to express my feelings on paper but it's fun to have something to look back on and read to find out how much you've grown and changed. I went back and read some things I wrote in H.S and my first year in college oh....6 years ago and I am AMAZED at the things that God has taught me and the changes that I've made. What a scared and angry little girl I was. I was so ignorant and what being an adult was and meant. Being 18 didnt make me anymore of an adult than I was at the age of 10. It's so weird to see my brother Judah walking around and saying he's "grown" because he's 18 now. I just smile and laugh and think....Oh boy is he in for a rude awakening. I used to always tell people back then that I had to grow up fast because of the situations I grew up in....I didn't grow up fast, I got hard fast, I learned to survive fast. I thought just becuase I had been through a lot, that made me grown. Two things I've learned: 1) Knowing doesnt make you grown it's what you do with that knowledge that produces growth. 2) Experience doesnt make you grown, it's what you take from and apply from that experience that produces growth.

I will never be "grown" but I will always be growing!

One Amazing Love

Mary (Rai)

Currently Listening Gotta Get Thru This By Daniel Bedingfield If Your Not the One see related

Wow, it's been a minute since I've written anything! Life is as wonderful as life can be. I would be lying if I said there were no misreable moments but it's those moments that make the good times taste so good.

I guess it's time for a short update....lets see, I'm getting ready to start my third year at central and my second year as an RA and I'm really excited. I'm now the Aunt of a beautiful little boy and I'm lovin it. I was injured really badly in Dec and I'm still recovering from it and I will be for years to come. On July 11th the most AMAZING man in the world asked me to marry him and it was just perfect. I'm still growing in Christ and learning everyday!

I'm still struggling to understand people especially those who call themselves Christians. I also feel that the concept of Christ and His love is sometimes over complicated, but I guess I'm just a simple person. I've also come to a grand conclusion, LIFE IS HARD and that fact we have no control of, but whether or not we let it make us hard is our decision. I've also decided that God must really want me to have an amazing testimony because I keep goin through trials one after the other after the other.......after the other. And the honest truth is that I'm ok with it, He obviously thinks I'm strong enough to get through them and I know they most lead to some place AMAZING! It seems that the rougher the path, the greater the destination.

I've decided that when Satan attacks no matter how much I don't like it and will try not to cry or complain but take it as a compliment. He's scared of me and that.....I like.

I guess thats it for now but I will try to keep updated more often!

One Amazing Love

Mary

The nephew trying to eat his Auntie's face!

My gorgeous honey!

The ring.....aint it pretty?

Currently Listening Back to Basics By Christina Aguilera Aint No Other Man see related

BREAKING NEWS STORY:

I've been dating Joshua Lee Wilson for one whole beautiful YEAR!!!! I'm super excited.....(sigh) I love him.

Thank you Jesus

-Me

I'm a Christian

So one of the most interesting things about becoming an RA is, that I'm starting to find out what everyone thought of me last year. One of the big discoveries is that no one thought I was from a Christian Church. They thought I was Charismatic or something. I'm trying to think what I could have done to make people assume this and all I can come up with is that I clapped on beat in chapel and I sung in gospel choir. I'm also not against giving a Alleluia or an Amen during a sermon. Anyway I would just like to take this moment to say that I am from the Christian Church, I grew up in it and it's where I plan to stay. If you want to get specific I go to a nondemominational christian church but simply, I am a follower of Christ....I love Him very much and I refuse to limit him in anyway. I'm not going to put Him in a little box and say He can only do that or only use someone in a few ways with a few select gifts. He is God, I'm not...you're not. But I'm hungry now so...I'm gonna go Shara Fish with Joshua.

Life is great

One Amazing Love

Rai

P.s. If you have any more questions about my doctrinal beliefs please come see me in Spurling Hall room 114.

P.s.s. Thanks to all those who gave me insight into what people were thinking....love you guys.