Fidelity and Loyalty

Dear God,

The Solution that Makes Me American!

This comes as a result of late night TV watching.  This was an actual add.  I haven't added anything to the general content other than my own opinion.  The add itself will be paraphrased to fit anything that must be fit.

As everyone knows, as you grow older you gain excess body fat.  This body fat hangs around your belly, waist and butt, making you ugly, fat looking and unattractive.  This body fat comes from a number of sources, which are:
- Having Children
- Stress
- Lack of Exercise
- Poor Diet

Well, lucky for all of us, there's finally a solution!: Lipozene!  Yes, finally you can get rid of that unwanted fat and get back to looking like you were before. (Which would be...?)  All you've got to do is...  (Disgression into perscribed methods of consumption which always include more dosages than the free trial gives you.) You'll see results in no time, because 78% of every pound you lose is that body fat. (And the other 22% is...?)

All you have to do is call this number and we'll send you a free (read "inadequate") trial of Lipozene.  If you're satisfied, you can start ordering for the price of (outrageous price)!  Why is this product worth it, you ask?  Because it's clinically proven! (I kid you not.  Actual, complete reason.)  So order today!

...

I think, if it were just a bit more ridiculous, I would have thought it was a joke from MADtv or something similar but this was immediately followed by a commercial for what I can only assume was some type of magical male enhancement pill.  I say magical because a doctor studied it and said that it worked and others said that it was clinically proven but they never explained how ingesting a pill actually makes my manhood bigger, so it's got to be magic.  All the best things in life are, right?  That said, this was an actual add found.

The part that really makes me laugh is how the solution to a lack of exercise, eating poorly, stressful jobs and, wonder of wonders, children, is taking this pill.  Personally, I thought the solution to the latter was called birth control, or at least that's what the "Yaz" commercial told me.  Plus also, I won't get moody while I'm not having children, so that's a bonus, too.  Also, you can take a pill that makes you focus better, so you can work harder and longer in your stressful job, although you're concentrating better.  There's at least three pills you can take that are healthy for you that you can take twice a day with any heavily sugar, carbonated beverage that's chasing down whatever chunk of fat you happened to hunt down and slaughter in the woods of the strip mall that afternoon.

Personally, I'm glad that the pharmecutical industry has my best interests at heart.  I asked for a life that allows me to do nothing but sit on my ass and put things in my mouth all day and they have not only listened to my cries but delivered.  Thank you, people in white lab coats, for putting your time, effort and imagination into helping us be more American than ever before.

Survival (School, life, relationships)

Aside from the ironic fact that I'm out here at a place that's designed to test and teach the principals of survival and evasion as a group, the past few nights of sitting in a well furnished hotel room have demonstrated exactly how alone you can be when you're comfortable.  We go every night to our respective rooms, replete with very comfy beds that are made every day without any of our own intervention, cable TV happyily playing on the sets that we have in our rooms and a place to eat that's not only free but has excellent food.  There are few to no rules here, little restriction and the ability to do and see whatever you'd like within the confines of the free time that you have following class.  Looking at it that way and then taking the time to think about it, it makes more sense than anything else in the world as to why you'd feel so alone in a place like this.  I think that's something that the Air Force has taught me that few other institutions ever could: That comraderie and friendship are able to blossom in a place where you're forced together and then, once you let up on the reins of that semi-comfinement, it takes a will and a true desire to maintain any sort of friendship that ever extended beyond the boundries of your forced companionship.

Lord, sometimes I get too eloquent for my own good.

I'm getting tired of 12 hours of class a day.  I'll be happy when all of this is over and done with and I'll have some time to just menial labor myself to death before my other classes start.  Contrary to most, I don't mind walking around outside for a week picking weeds. It's relaxing, for one, it's easy, for another, and it's mindless which means that you have time to go wherever and consider whatever in your head.  I get so little of that anymore and I think that's why I've taken so little time to contact the people that I know I need to contact: I view the time I have as endlessly precious and yet have absolutely no idea how to spend it.  There's always an overwhelming sense of leaving someone out or being unable to accomplish some goal or another that it's typically easier to just ignore most everything else but the immediate and proceed on until you can reach a point of rest.  Monterey will be good for that in a lot of repsects, despite how utterly boring it'll be until my classes begin.

The desk that I'm sitting at is made of some dark wood that I can't easily identify but it smells good.  Relaxing.  The chair I'm sitting in can lean itself down, reclining to the point where I have to look up to see the screen.  That too is relaxing.  It reminds me of home.

Some of you have been waiting a long time for me to say anything back.  You've faithfully written and comforted and helped me through things that I know for a fact that I wouldn't have been able to get through without the words you gave me.  I'm sorry that it has taken me and will still take me a while longer to reply to you with anything.  I haven't forgotten.  Not in the slightest.  It's just going to take some more time.  There is too much here, too much on my mind and too much that I'm being constantly occupied with to allow me to spend that much to give you something even remotely adequate.

For some reason, that's a huge concern of mine.  Replying with something that I feel is adequate.  I'm not sure what some of you consider adequate but I'll do my best to meet those unknown standards whenever I'm able to do so.  In the meantime, know that I do, indeed, miss you.  In a lot of ways and for a lot of reasons.

The first paragraph may not have made a lot of sense.  Bear with me, I'm still getting the words to unjam from the barrel.  It's taking a few passes and I've had a couple misfired shells in there for a long time.  Cleaning a weapon takes forever after you've neglected it.  Carbon build up especially, although I'm not really sure what to equate that to in a metaphor about my writing.  Stress?

Psh.  Everything here is stress.  That's hardly an excuse for anything anymore.

And that's a fantastic song right there. :)

I leave Sunday night for about two weeks.  I'll see what I can cook up tomorrow.

Z

I Hate Alcohol

After being here for even the short time that I have, it's very obvious to me that I've been somewhat sheltered from the world of Alcohol and its effects on people and personalities.  You hear about people getting drunk and changing into someone funnier, someone angry, someone depressed, etc...  Before, you consider the modifier as the thing that matters.  For example, being a happy drunk is excellent compared to being an angry drunk or a depressing drunk.  And, if you want to look at it in a comparitive sense, yes, I'd say that's right.  I don't like dealing with an angry drunk any more than the next person and I laugh just as hard at a funny drunk as the next person would.  I didn't realize until two nights ago exactly what the worst part about alcohol is.  People get drunk and change.  They change into something that they weren't before, wether it be minute or incredibly noticable, who they are no longer wholly is in control and they're partially ruled by an extreme or an alternate set of internal regulators and guidelines.

I hate it.  I hate the dishonesty that comes with it, I hate seeing the people that I care about and for morph into someone else in front of my eyes.  I hate the fact that no one stops at one or two, that a Rum and Coke is all that's going to be drunk for the night until they get a pitcher in their hand.  I hate the wide pupils, the veins running from the center of their eyes to the edges like herion lines, I hate the ticks and notches in their speech like someone has a string through their tongue and maliciously gives it a jerk just to make it funny.  I hate the stumbling, the random thoughts, the distortion of sound and therefore the necessity to yell.  I hate the denial, the persistence, the boldness and the lack of care, in some cases.  I hate it all.

You love people no matter what.  It's hard to love you when you're not the same person that I promised to love.  It's hard to have a serious talk with you, no matter how important the subject is, if I'm confident that you won't remember it in the morning.  It's hard to protect you or keep you safe if the best I can do is get you into a taxi after you've destroyed your brain cells.

I can't ever tell anyone what to do and I won't, because that's not my place.  I'll probably still go with you all, out there to wherever it is that you go, to make sure that you get home safely and without incident.  Just know ahead of time that, should you in your stupor notice that I don't look like the happiest camper, I'm in pain.  Because I love you.  And I'm watching you slowly kill yourself, no matter how delayed and insidious the process may be.

Rant over.  I have the front desk for six hours tomorrow.  I'll take a notebook and paper and we'll see what I transcribe tomorrow evening.