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ZiNNy_baBey
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read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: zinny
Birthday: 7/30/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: swimming, shopping, hanging out wit friends, dancing, and maybe cooking..hmm...
Expertise: math, not computers even though that's wat i'll prolly b doing for the rest of my career
Occupation: Engineering
Industry: Computers (Hardware)
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  zinzinlay
Member Since:
8/11/2004
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| Internetyou never know what you can find on the internet..
click on the link below.. and ofcoz, user 'siliconwafer' is Alex
http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=196426&cid=16097343
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| Email to AlexAlex,
You're probably in class right now. I had dinner and I've been
trying to study for the past hour and I cannot get myself to
concentrate. Feels like anxiety is taking over again.
Hope you
have the patience to read the rest of the email. Growing up, I've
always been the smart and motivated one. I never let anything stop me
from getting what I wanted. My parents believed in me and I believed in
myself. I've never had any weaknesses. Then I was in middle school and
I started seeing boys. Boys became my weakness. I started dating when I
was 12 and my parents did not approve of it at all. That didn't stop
me. I liked being the center of attention and I always want people
around me to love me. It didn't really matter whether I liked the guy
that much, it mattered more that I got the guy attracted to me. I was
very playful and have dated several guys at the same time. I was
treated however I pleased and I had to be pleased, if not, I would move
on. Fortunately, I had my priorities straight. Even though I was seeing
all these different guys, I didn't let that affect my studies or my
happiness. When I came here to the U.S., I broke up with my
then-boyfriend of 9 months and not shed a tear. I had a different boy
every year of my life from 12 till 18. Until I met you.
When
I first started hanging out with you, it all felt so new and exciting.
I've never dated anyone who wasn't Burmese and it was something I
wanted to experiment. Don't get me wrong, I was attracted to you. I
just never thought that in over two years, we'd still be together. That
was why that one day, you saw an IM from a friend of mine asking why
we're still together after a couple months. Because this was all
suppose to be just part of exploring a different type of dating
environmet for me. But then I got very attached to you. I was so used
to be treated the way I wanted to be treated, that when you did not do
that, I wanted even more. That's what they all say, isn't it? That you
want what you can't have. In the beginning, I didn't really care that
you weren't that affectionate, because I wasn't really serious about
our relationship. I just told myself that I'd break up with you if I am
not that happy anymore. Then I fell in love with you. That's when my
little experiment flipped upside down. I started thinking about wanting
to spend every minute with you. This was all in the first six months of
our relationship. Then we both graduated and you moved to Boston. When
you were given the job offer, you took the job offer without blinking.
When I was given my job offer in Syracuse, I was hesitant to take it
because I knew that we were going to be apart like we are right now. I
shared my thoughts with you then but you didn't really show any
concern. So since we started dating, it's been long distance 99% of the
time. I know I should be thinking with my head only but I am in love.
And every day since you moved to Boston, it's been very difficult for
me. I miss you alot. I feel like I am missing out on the past 2 years
of your life and you're missing out on 2 years of mine. Everyday, I
feel like we're getting further and further apart. Everyday, our emails
become shorter and shorter, our phone calls filled with silent moments.
As
you recall, I have read through some of your old diary entries and most
of your ex's diary entries and I can tell how much you were in love
with her. Alot of the times, I still feel like I was just an excuse for
you back then to get out of an unhappy relationship. And I feel like
now that we've been together this long, we might as well stay together.
I feel like she is the love of your life and I am not. I am very
jealous in regards to the relationship you had with this girl. You've
cried for her. You've never cried for me. You may just say it's just my
insecurities but that is just how I feel about our relationship. I
don't want to be comparing our relationship to the one you had with her
but I don't know if you'll understand where I'm coming from if I don't.
I love you truly. When I was little, I've always told myself that
I am not going to cry for some guy. I've cried more in the past 2 years
than I've ever cried in my entire life. And yet, I still can't let you
go. They say the person who makes you cry is never worth your tears. .
I hate it that I've become so attached to you, I can't think straight.
It's so difficult for me to admit this because I feel so stupid and
weak. I hate it that all my decisions and my happiness revolves around
you. I really don't think it is fair for me to feel this way when you
don't feel the same way about me. Alot of my friends tell me that I am
still very young and I still have alot of time to find that right one.
I don't know if you're the right person for me or if I'm the right
person for you. I think we're still in the process of finding that out.
I think I'm still very young and this is probably my very first time
being in love. It has been a very emotional and stressful 2.5 years for
me. I don't ever want to fall in love again. I've learned my lesson.
Love,
Zin
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| After almost 8 months of not updating, I'm finally going to just give you all a rundown of how things are. I finally turned 21 in July. woo hoo!! I am still with Alex. Yes, after 2 and a half years, we're still together. We went to Disney World, Fl for my birthday. I loved it and I had a great time with Alex. It was the first time I've ever spent that much time with Alex continuously. I was quite nervous about it in the beginning but I'll have to say, it wasn't too bad. We got along pretty well for the most part.
The day after my birthday, I found out that I had gotten a huge raise. Close to 10%. And also, now that I am finally 21, I am eligible to have a 401k so I am contributing that 10% raise to my account with a 3% match from the company. So I have 13% of my salary going into my 401k. If I can keep that up, imagine how much money I'll have saved up when I retire.
I've also registered to take the GRE general test in mid-October and the GRE Math subject test in the beginning of November. That gives me almost 2 months to prepare for it. Hopefully, I am going to be motivated to study for the exams now that I am already registered.
It's been an awesome year so far.. some ups and downs, I don't think anyone's life is perfect.. so I can only expect the worse and hope for the best..
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| some pics from burma..
at kan baung with sis and friends
with my cousin in bangkok
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| i will be back home in a week.. i mean home as in Burma, my real home..
i don't think or know if i can ever call any place home besides
Burma.. somehow, i've never felt like i fit in that well
here.. i am a minority and will always be one as long as i m in
this country.. racism will always be an issue no matter what
people say.. thinking of having a family in this country scares me.. i
am in an interracial relationship and it is already very difficult..
and if i were to have kids, i am so worried about them being embarassed
about me just because i m not from this country.. they're going to be
embarass to tell their friends that their mother is not caucasian.. i
had a halfie friend who would talk crap about his mom just because she
was vietnamese and didnt speak much english.. that really upsets me and
i would never want to be in that situation ever.. alex once said that
if we were having kids, that he'd prefer girls only because it would be
hard to have a boy grow up in a interracial family.. and that really
does make me sad..
on the other hand, if people back home ask me if i m seeing anyone
here, and if i tell them i am seeing an american, what will they think?
i don't know what to feel about it.. i know my family know i m seeing
an american, but what do they really think about it? this makes me abit
nervous..
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