Everything was crashing down, my days went numb and i started dragging myself to work, then straight to the home to c if Grandpa ate anything at all that day and then try to make him eat something during dinner, then on certain days i would also have to drag myself to go to school right afterwards. I couldn't sleep and it got to a point where the worse Grandpa got the worse I got, and no one else was helping, my Aunty's side is going through such a big loss right now, thats the reason i started helping take care of my Grandpa more in the first place, my Dad is going through his second divorce .. that goldiggin ho finally showed her true colors to the rest of the family, theres so much more to that but for now I'll keep it to myself. My only sister that was old enuff to even help wasn't doing anything till just recently she visited him with me the past two days, i was so upset during Jenn's b-dae even though I tried to hide it, the only weekend i was gone she couldn't even see him once, and that was the weekend he got hella worse, to the point where instead of every Saturday and Sunday I had to see him everyday to try to get him to eat or take his medicine. So since May i felt so shietty, one thing was happening after another, by the way did i mention that my stepmom told my Dad that she wanted a divorce while my Uncle was dying? ...

Well everythings getting better now, as in i'm being a lil stronger about it, everyone that was supposed to be there was there, except the one that should've been there the most. but watever with that, anywayz i'm just taking things one step at a time now, i'm thankful that i didn't totally crash when i felt like it and still did what i had to do or i would've screwed myself and the people that need me. just wanted to thank the people there for me ^_^ though they never may read this post =P 

I'm really excited bout Chinese New Years this year, can't wait till the 18th !! had alot of bad luck dis year (it was bad for us ox peoples) so hopefully my luck will change. i'm moving out tommorow which is koo cuz it was right before the New Year starts, is this fate? i'm throwing out old junk and also trying to redo my new room, instead of a black and white theme its gonna be a white and light wood theme, brighter and happier

i've been wanting to change my haircolor for the longest time, i couldn't figure out wat to do cuz i've done everyhting i think a person could do (except for the extreme type of colors like blue, purple, etc.) but Alisa gave me an idea wen she said she liked my hair best when it was red, so imma do this reddish brown color (kinda similar to the one i had before) with dullish light brown highlights, i finally found something like that on this Asian website and it looks koo so i'll bring it in and hopefully it'll turn out nice =D

Chinese New Years Resolution 2007

1) Fix Schedule ~!!! Don’t Lag, be on time
2) Get a higher paying job or a more raises
3) Raise GPA even more, do good in school
4) Start going to the gym agian
5) Be more Healthy (eat better, cut down or quit smoking)
6) Spend more time with family and loved ones, try to help family problems
7) Find my career path/pick a major
8) Transfer to a CSU or UC
9) Get rid of alot of my debt so its not such a struggle to pay rent
10) Be a better person

Recently this New Years it was me an Babes 3 year
Anniversary, He got me these $200 A pocket se7en
Jeans ^_^, they better last long ~!! and his presents
a secret cuz i haven't given it to him yet, its special
ordered ^_^

anywayz heres some pics

we got the top floor at Circus Circus

first time ordering room service, this was the nite
that we were both sick and decided to chill at the
room (i just got my period and he had bad
diarrhea from the seafood at El Dorado =*( ..) 
watched employee of the month, thought it was 
pretty funnie 

on the way home...

it was fun, we both lost money though =( .. our
rent money *sniff*  j/k ahaha, could've went to rent though

anywayz theres LOTS of January Babies, so i'll just give
a shoutt out to the most recent b-daes

HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GUYS ~!!!!

SHANNON 01-08

HENRY 01-08

NELSON 01-08

KYOUNG 01-11

another divorce? -_- ..

 Today my dad forgot to bring my sis to her final, but luckily her homegirl's bro brought her there just 10 mins late, i missed her call and panicked when i couldnt get ahold of anyone in the family cept for cuzin Dav. and to make a very long story short she called me again right when i finally went home to try to find my other sis who wasn't pickin up and took Henry wit me to get her. I was worried cuz i didn't think my dad would me THAT forgetful and thought that sumthin bad mite have happened but LUCKILY it was just him being him and he had totally forgotten.

I found out that he's had alot on his mind lately, my sis told me him and my stepmom been havin problems and SURPRISE theres talk of divorce. half of me is happy, i've been wishin for that since i was a kid, but the other half doesn't want my dad sad no matter what.  all in all i'm just worried, if they DO divorce knowing her goldiggin ass she's going to try to take and get as much as she can.

My dad told my sis that he wasn't happy with how shes been lately, he thought that wen he sold the gas station she would come home more, help out around the house, and change (she used workin at the places my dad owned as an excuse to never cook or clean and just go to her parents place for dinner with my stepbro to eat .. never caring that my dad worked so much more than her or never even considering that my sisters have no food at home) and when he sold it she didn't change. He realizes how selfish she is now? he realizes how she doesnt give a shit about the family now? how she only takes cares of herself and her son?  that she diggs his ass for money and materials like new cars, clothes, shoes etc. etc. jacuzzi room!? and how she NEVER acted like an adult and mom to us, and worse off, she treated us since we were young ass kids like we were her enemies... when i said this to my sis she told me that he said he knew all along.. he just never did anything about it .. its been 12 years now, over 2 of which i've left that house, and now he REALLY knows.

I just don't noe wat to thikn, its years of emotions and shit behind all this, but no matter how much i hate her i dont want to see my dad this upset, i heard hes out of it lately, both of em not coming home till very late, shes at her parents house or friends house, while he most likely (knowing him) has been sleepin in the car somewhere trying to think and get away from it. Hes not there, looks tired all the time and also looks like hes gotten so much older in the past few week, hes stressed and snapping at people... iono,

he even said he doesnt want to divorce cuz he doesnt want my bro to have a broken home.. well, i guess u do learn from ur mistakes heh .. wish he thought like that 12 years ago. *sigh* asshole ...  -_-

even me who onlee went over to my dads house a few times lately felt that there was something wrong (he was sittin in his office playin solitare, the house was quiet and he WASN"T PLAYING VIDEO GAMES so i KNEW there was something wrong! its weird but its true),, truthfully i'm not all that surprised ... maybe this is karma for what he did to my mom... but still .. it hurts me hearing that hes in so much pain. no matter how fuked up my parents were to me or watever they did or didn't do i still luv em, and i'm espiecially close to my dad, i'm a daddys girl and he was the one that raised me for most of my life.

the main thing is that for SURE hes not going to be thinkin smart right now with all this going through his head .. i told my sister to try to warn him a little about what might happen. my stepmoms immature and dumb but at the same time when it comes to money an shit that goldiggin ho is fukin smart, shiet shes an accountant .. did accounting for my dads places always knew his income more than he did. shes hella shady and greedy so from experience shes gonna try to take everything she can. gotta figure out how to protect my dad so when the time does come if it comes he wont be ruined, and most of all that bicth better not get full custody of my brother, shes not the best mom to him either and places herself first .. shes lucky i love him to pieces and i wont hav her take him away from his family.

but man, one good thing is, if she does have the audacity to go divorce him and take everything she can i will have NOTHING holding me back to get the pleasure of beating that evil selfish shady dirty goldiggen counrty ho's ass myself just to TRYING to give her a tiny little piece of the pain that shes givin to my family over these past years .. now that would be priceless

R.I.P

James Kim

Theres no words I can say to feel how sorry I am about the loss of this man.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/12/08/MNG75MRTTA1.DTL